To not want MIL sleeping in our marital bed

[SparkleFly]

Bit of background here: MIL has always been rather inconsiderate of our privacy and used to constantly doorstep us without notice. She was asked repeatedly by DH to call first but it would fall on deaf ears and she just continued doing as she pleased. Many a romantic moment before kids was ruined by this...!! She also 'coincidentally' booked her holiday one year to the same place we were going on honeymoon, at the same time. Who does that?!

Anyway, in a few weeks we are due to go to my niece's wedding (no kids allowed) and as all of my family will be there, she has agreed to babysit our DS overnight. She regularly has her other son's kids stay over and has done for years, but has never had our DS who is now 4.

I mentioned to DH about the big sleepover weekend coming up soon and he replied that MIL wants to stay at our house to look after DS, as all his things, toys, etc are here. Now I do get that, but as we are taking our newborn to this wedding, we are selling the idea to the 4 year old DS as an adventure, a sleepover at nanny's like his cousins have. The other issue is that we no longer have a spare bed, so DH seems to think that she can sleep in our marital bed. This is a big no-no for me, especially given how much she has overstepped our privacy in the past this seems like the ultimate invasion. And just weird tbh.

So my 3 issues are:

1. The unfairness that BIL's kids get to sleep at hers all the time, go for dinner there regularly, yet our DS has never had this (BIL also lives nearby).
2. The thought of my MIL sleeping in the bed that we shag in, when she's already ruined our honeymoon and numerous amorous moments from persistently knocking the door unannounced.

She only lives a 10 minute walk down the road so it's not like she can't pop in to grab toys/clothes if needed as she has a key.

1. We are taking the newborn, so I don't want it to look like we have left DS in our house but taken his brother out of choice.

AIBU?

Personally i wouldn't care so much about the bed itself, but the thing that would freak me out is the possibility of her snooping around my room/ house in my absence.
If she won't host your DS at her house - even after your DH explains how much he was looking forward to a special sleepover at his granny's, and promises to drop him off with all the clothes and toys he could possibly need for a short stay - is there anyone else you could ask to babysit him instead?

I just love how you refer to it as "marital bed" as though being married makes a bed more special or sacred than that of an unmarried couple! 🙄😂

Ffs it's your other half's mum who presumably doesn't have rabies?? Just ask her to bring her own sheets 🤷🏼‍♀️ How is her sleeping on your mattress on her own sheets, invading your privacy when you're miles away?!

So presumably you don't ever sleep in hotels then?

Sanctuary?!?! 🙄🤣🤣🤣🤣

YABU - she's doing you a massive favour (so jealous as we have no family support whatsoever) and it's way easier for her to do this at your place where your child's things are. Sorry - think you need to suck this up and thank her for it xx

Absolutely no fucking way would I agree to anyone hostile sleeping in my bed. Tell him to knock that idea on the head with a fucking mallet. What's his solution here, out of interest?

I couldn't care less about anyone sleeping in my bed, as long as I wasn't in it at the time. What a drama over nothing! Your DS will be fine.

Odd you will go away for a weekend sleep in a bed that you have no idea who has been in b4 you yet don't want a family member in your bed!!!

Yes, it is. I’m pleased for you, that you don’t know what it feels like to need that.

Not if my MIL had slept in the bed before me.

Leave your bed stripped. Hide the bedding. Set herbuo on the spare room or dc's.. Or get a lock for your door. Ours is locked...

@SparkleFly sorry I lost the will to live half way through the thread, but have you asked your BIL if DS could have a sleep over with his cousins that night instead??

There are a lot of people that I wouldn't mind sleeping in my bed, but there are some people I wouldn't want in my house on their own or in my bed. She wouldn't have a key either!

It’s only a bed!

It's not.

It's a MARITAL bed.

😂

Isn't it possible to disagree without the use of laughing emojis? It's all a bit mean girl

No 🙄

Honestly, I’d be tempted to buy heaps of weird magazines and sex toys and put them in the bedside tables. That would hopefully put a stop to her ever coming over again.

I think you are perfectly reasonable about ds not having the same treatment and her going on your honeymoon is the weirdest thing I have heard in a long time. I think you are precious about the 'marital bed' though. I always give our bed up to my MIL and my parents when they come to visit.

Yes. An outsized dildo should do it, next to a Lovehoney catalogue.

Haven't read any responses but the two issues aren't related. It just sounds like you want revenge on her for previous interruptions. You child will be better off in his own house.

If she still does this kind of thing, you need to set clear boundaries separately from this particular event.

For goodness sake. Change the sheets for her and then have another set ready for your return. You are getting free, reliable childcare for the cost of an extra washing machine run. While you’re at it, put a bottle of champagne in the fridge for her, and something tasty in the fridge for her dinner.

Agree, it's no big deal sleeping. Now, if she had a man staying there and they were shagging, that would give me the icks. 😜