To not want MIL sleeping in our marital bed

[SparkleFly]

Bit of background here: MIL has always been rather inconsiderate of our privacy and used to constantly doorstep us without notice. She was asked repeatedly by DH to call first but it would fall on deaf ears and she just continued doing as she pleased. Many a romantic moment before kids was ruined by this...!! She also 'coincidentally' booked her holiday one year to the same place we were going on honeymoon, at the same time. Who does that?!

Anyway, in a few weeks we are due to go to my niece's wedding (no kids allowed) and as all of my family will be there, she has agreed to babysit our DS overnight. She regularly has her other son's kids stay over and has done for years, but has never had our DS who is now 4.

I mentioned to DH about the big sleepover weekend coming up soon and he replied that MIL wants to stay at our house to look after DS, as all his things, toys, etc are here. Now I do get that, but as we are taking our newborn to this wedding, we are selling the idea to the 4 year old DS as an adventure, a sleepover at nanny's like his cousins have. The other issue is that we no longer have a spare bed, so DH seems to think that she can sleep in our marital bed. This is a big no-no for me, especially given how much she has overstepped our privacy in the past this seems like the ultimate invasion. And just weird tbh.

So my 3 issues are:

1. The unfairness that BIL's kids get to sleep at hers all the time, go for dinner there regularly, yet our DS has never had this (BIL also lives nearby).
2. The thought of my MIL sleeping in the bed that we shag in, when she's already ruined our honeymoon and numerous amorous moments from persistently knocking the door unannounced.

She only lives a 10 minute walk down the road so it's not like she can't pop in to grab toys/clothes if needed as she has a key.

1. We are taking the newborn, so I don't want it to look like we have left DS in our house but taken his brother out of choice.

AIBU?

Hope you don't stay in hotels.

Their wedding their choice. Don't be ridiculous. Newborns are usually allowed because of breastfeeding and because they aren't doing kneeslides on the dance floor!

Well she sounds awful and I can see why u don’t want her in your house let alone ur bed 😩
Can I ask tho, did she end up on honeymoon with you?!

Oh no! I'd be leaving them on display 😁😁

What's the concern? Are you worried she's going to piss on it to assert her dominance?

She sounds like an overstepping, inappropriate, boundary stomping arsehole. But she's doing you a favour taking care of your child, and I think you're conflating all her previous behaviour with the non-issue that is her sleeping in your bed. I get it, I wouldn't have her in my house never mind my bed, but I also wouldn't ask her for free childcare. You can't really have it both ways.

My sis and her husband had a one bed flat in London. When BIL went away for work my sis invited me to stay with her for a week (years ago before they got married - they didn’t even have a sofa at that point). Didn’t think much of it because this wasn’t far long after uni where we all just slept wherever was comfortable. But it was such an awkward thing once I actually slept in the bed. New sheets but just felt inappropriate. Longest week of my life. Never repeated.

She basically came on honeymoon with you?

I can't even sleep in my parents bed - and they've been dead for over ten years!
I don't want anyone other than my kids in mine. I was most put out when a friend said she'd stay with her little DD and look after my pets while I was away for the weekend as they live about 79 miles away and it would be a fun weekend in London. They would stay together in my guest room (double bed). Then she showed up with her teenager and her best mate too! So I had to give them my room. Ugh.

Agree

Absolutely normal at the many child-free weddings I have attended. Babes in arms only.

I’m with you 100% no one has ever slept in my bed, it’s mine. I will not give it up for anyone and sleep on an airbed, it’s the thought of someone else being in it. It’s my space. A hotel is different, that’s not my safe space.

Who the actual fuck books their holiday to come with you on honeymoon and your DH doesn’t tell her to just cancel?

If you need the childcare, suck it up but why not try and get another date in the diary for your DS to stay at hers?

Sorry, I think YABVVU.

The bed is no big deal at all.

When DS and DDiL were on honeymoon DH and I stayed in their flat for a few nights and slept in their bed When we left, DiL’s parents stayed also. Clean bedding each time, we took
our own sheet etc so no washing for them to return to.

@Wills890 because it’s annoying when posters repost the entire op. It’s unnecessary because readers can easily go back to op if they want to. That’s the issue

It’s a bed. Not a holy shrine that she’s despoiling. 😂

No one sleeps in our bed but us, but I can see why it would be easier to babysit at yours

Op of course It’s beyond bizarre to try to piggyback onto your honeymoon and also a bit presumptive to drop by unannounced. But today for this particular event…you need her. Just change the sheets conceal anything you don’t want seen or better yet set a little trap which will tell you if she was snooping. If she gets some power thing off sleeping in your bed let her and deflate the whole situation. Take the mystique of the bed back. I have slept in multiple beds don’t love it but I do it when traveling / visiting. And if you really want to mentally win shag in her bed at her home or on top of the bed linens and even the score

Knee slides on the dancefloor are what life is about!

I would not want MIL sleeping in my bed. She did go into our room and snoop around. As it happens we also wouldn’t leave DC with her because that’s how far the distrust goes. But your gut feels this way for a reason, don’t go against it.

If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not comfortable with it.

Could you have builders round that week?

Side note: Why doesn’t she ever have your son at her house?

Alternatively, put a lock on the door and set up an airbed in the living room for her? Bet DS will soon be round at hers.

Because its not about the OP, it's about direct favouritism between grandchildren 🤔

OP, Does she do these behaviours with the other DIL??