Guy revealed this on phone.

[newdater32]

So I've been talking to a guy I met through an online dating app. We've been on one date and due to meet again next weekend. We've been talking everyday and have had a 2 hour phone conversation tonight. He's ticked all my boxes and seems great.

Tonight he's revealed that he has had a one on one with a guy to experiment to see if he liked it. He said he wasn't satisfied and that he's not gay, but wouldn't be against it if he was in a group situation and the other guy was bi.

This has completely turned me off him. It was like a switch turned off completely in me. I'm not homophobic, but just was not expecting this.

Am I being unreasonable here? Is there something wrong with me? Am I wrong?

I don't believe a straight man would experiment. He knows what he likes.

I’m bi but don’t see this as bi bashing? People are allowed to have preferences and personal boundaries.

On the final sentence here - Personal opinion, which I don’t force anyone to share. I think ‘vile’ is a bit harsh. It might not be for you (and it isn’t really for me either these days though it may have been in the past) but sex with more than one partner simultaneously doesn’t have to implicitly mean ‘disease’. Consenting adults practising safe sex in these scenarios can and does happen regularly without issue.

Also I think we can take better care not to stigmatise sexually transmitted infections to the point where we make people feel ashamed to have them. I would say ’disease’ feels an outdated term to use, and that language is important in terms of opening conversations about sexual health :)

Just want to make very clear I am not bi bashing or anything like it (as a PP has suggested).

I was a little stunned when he told me so didn't ask any follow up questions and the topic moved on and it would have been awkward to go back to it (kind of wish I did now as I have other questions). I am still intending on seeing him next weekend and asking him further about it as I don't know whether it was full sex or just playing. But it is something I want to know.

Due to both of us having kids of different days, we're only free every other weekend which is why we speak on phone regularly. And tbh those conversations have been great so far, probably the best most comfortable I've felt, but it is just this one thing that's turned it and I am annoyed at myself.

What shit are you even talking about? Someone being overweight has fuck all to do with a man who has told a potential girlfriend he has had a gay encounter and she is now put off by this. That's ok for her to feel this way. Get a grip.

It’s a tricky one. It could be that you’re just a bit in shock as you weren’t expecting it so don’t be too hard on yourself- it doesn’t mean you’re homophobic etc.
If you are going to meet him again and you feel attracted to him then I think you need more discussion about it as you suggest.

From what pp have said I feel a bit sorry for the guy as if he didn’t tell you early on but you found out later you might feel he wasn’t open and honest with you. However, the fact he has told you early on people are saying that he is priming you for group sex and he is “testing the water”. So he can’t win.

If you can get over it when you meet him again then it’s important to find out if he thinks he’ll “need” group sex/sex with a man in future. Will sex with one woman be enough for him? But this would be true for any potential partner straight, bi or gay.

I think I’d be more concerned about the future group sex part rather than the fact he’s had sex with another man so this needs more clarification.

But you are not being unreasonable in reacting in this way. If you can’t get over it then that ok. We need to have trust and safety in relationships and if this informations means you don’t feel emotionally safe with him (as he may not be fulfilled with sex with one woman forever) then that is okay not to continue.

Absolutely, this constant 'judgemental bigot' name calling for sexual/romantic choices is really losing its power finally thankfully!!

FFS - we fancy who we fancy. No-one is anything-phobic or anyone-bashing if they get the ick for someone. Should we all be forced into some sort of positive discrimination and have to have sex with people just to prove we're not closed minded and evil.

It wouldn’t be the one-time experimentation that put me off, but the fact he’d be ‘open to it in a group session with a bi-man’.
WTF. Very specific.

@Thekormachameleon

but he's happy to do it again in a group situation,so didn't not like it!

@newdater32

it's a lot more common than people realise. My friend (m) has a LOT of male 'visitors'. He's married (they swing, but he 'plays' more than she realises I'm not sure she'd care that much though) & 'straight' in that he has never wanted a relationship with a man, but enjoys 'playing'. The guys are mostly happily married & are only wanting a 'bit of pleasure'

it would turn me off thinking about my partner with another man, but I personally don't think it makes them 'bi' and actually is insulting to people who are bi to call that bi.

I personally would end it. More because you've had one date & he's telling you this?!?!

Almost like he has a plan...
And the use of the words 'open/close minded' is starting to grate on me too..... it really is a way to coerce someone in to something they don't want to do..see his use of he'd be 'open' to it, followed by the pp calling op 'close minded' so open-minded and being up for anything = good, having personal boundaries is closed minded =bad?

No one said anyone had to have sex with someone they don't fancy or else they'll be a bigot.

But ultimately, if this thread was about a different characteristic, there would be an uproar about it. Imagine it was about ethnicity or body type. I couldn't start a thread saying I found South Asian men unattractive without it being deleted. That demonstrates prejudice.

Also - he had a same sex experience once, so he must be into group sex?? Horseshit. The view that bisexual people are inherently incapable of monogamy can get in the fucking sea. There's your bigotry right there, again.

YANBU, I would immediately end things with a man if I found out he was with other men at any stage. Instant ick. That combined with the group sex comment would indicate that he is too promiscuous for a committed relationship, has little boundaries around sex and as such I would trust him less. If it's just casual sex you were after then it may matter less, but in that case I'd certainly be very careful about sexual health.

u're not the right person for him OP. Let him go.

And this looks like it'll turn into another bisexual-bashing thread like the last ones on this exact same topic did, so I'm out.

He is bisexual because he'd be up for it again. If you are up for sex with people of the same sex, you are bisexual.

It wouldn't be my thing, so I'd be swerving him. It's good he's being honest and I'd say that I appreciated that.

I would feel grossed out and dump. He's telling you that he is open to it again.

@AliceCallous from the OP wouldn't be against it if he was in a group situation and the other guy was bi.

@AliceCallous he's told the the OP that he's into group sex. You can't date a black/fat/old man and know he isn't any of things, so to start a thread would be offensive, sexuality is invisible.

I am still intending on seeing him next weekend and asking him further about it as I don't know whether it was full sex or just playing. But it is something I want to know

So you're okay with it, if he just played with another mans penis? Really?
And he is telling you that he would do it again though, if there was a group of men.

Honestly, I would never see this guy again. He's open to sex with men, and wants group sex. Not a fucking chance, would I be into any of that.

And of course he liked it. If he had been repulsed and it had confirmed he was straight, there's no way he would have told you about it. He's getting this into the conversation very early on, to see what you'll be up for. And guess what, a straight guy would never mess about with another man, just to confirm he's straight.

Did you need to play with another woman's vagina, to learn that you liked men? COME ON NOW!

Lots of men have had sexual experiences with other men. It’s not nearly as uncommon as you think. Just like lots of women have had sexual experiences with other women. Neither may consider themselves bisexual. It’s just a one off rather than an ongoing preference. I’ve certainly been with women and I don’t consider myself bisexual, don’t have a desire for a relationship with a woman or any ongoing interaction. I’ve been happily married to Dh for 15 years. You can like someone or not for whatever reason, but I’d see it as a positive personally that it’s something he can be open about rather than weird and secretive.

I think it’s actually the opposite. It’s insulting to people who are bi to say this isn’t bi. Bisexuality is a spectrum, bi people aren’t equally attracted to men and women. If he had a sexual encounter with another man and is willing to go there again, then he’s bi.

No, he said he might not object to a MMF threesome. A lot of women wouldn't object to a MFF threesome. That doesn't make them wayward characters who are trying to recruit a group of people to fuck them. It doesn't even necessarily make them bisexual.

It makes no difference whether sexuality is invisible. That's not an excuse to start saying those people have something morally wrong with them.

If you want to be prejudiced, you do that. But don't pretend to yourself you're not.

Of course you're not wrong.

The Equality Act doesn't apply to personal relationships. You can discriminate against anyone for any reason when it comes to who you have sex with.