Is this inappropriate? Family photo.

[condecco]

My friend just lost her child to cancer less than 2 weeks ago. Obviously she’s broken

Her best friend yesterday updated her Facebook to change a profile photo to a family photo (her, her partner and her two children). Proper staged photo, posed, on holiday all matching outfits and sunglasses.

Friend who lost her child has liked the photo. Aibu and thinking too much into this. I just wouldn’t so soon after my BEST friend lost her child be uploading happy family photos of my children/immediate family within 10 days of this .. just reminding her of what she’s now lost.

How is she getting bent out of shape??!!
She just thought it was insensitive and asked MN what we thought!
Numerous posters have agreed with her in that that would have been their initial thoughts as well.

Not sure why you have to be so aggressive about it.

You have your autonomy. I tend to think about my friends and their feelings/potential feelings.

If you think that’s aggressive, you’ve led a very sheltered life.

She just thought it was insensitive and asked MN what we thought!

Yes - and “numerous posters”, including me, think she’s being a grief vampire.

A lot of assumptions in that last sentence. They may be true. They may not. I got the feeling the OP sincerely cared and was troubled for her friend. There may be some other stuff in there. That's being a human. It's complex.

Well said. Fancy being called a grief vampire for having empathy.

What is she empathising with her friend about, though? Because her friend had to see a picture - a picture she actually liked?

OP is making this into her battle when there’s absolutely zero evidence that this has upset her friend in any way. It’s literally “Look how caring and lovely I am, unlike that insensitive bitch with her photos!!!” Seems like a classic case to me.

Assuming a friend could be offended a photo that they liked and posted by their best friend, is daft.

And it’s not really thinking about the persons feelings or ‘potential feelings’. It’s assuming that the bereaved person will feel like you would imagine you would feel if you were in the situation.

The woman who is bereaved liked the photo. The woman who posted it is her best friend. I find it likely that her best friend would have a far better idea of what might or might not upset her friend. Which would mean op is centring herself.

I can’t see any evidence Op cares more than the best friend. Knows this woman better than her best friend. Or is basing this on anything other than how she would imagine she would feel if she was in that situation.

Has nobody on this thread ever liked a photo on social media through gritted teeth? You can't know what the bereaved woman felt, and the the poster isn't assuming she knows either, she's just asking the question.

um, no??? why on earth would you? It's not compulsory to react to every single thing you see on social media. The poster has no way of knowing whether you've seen the post or not. If a picture offends you for some reason just...scroll past it and don't react.

How utterly weird.

Although tbf it's given me an insight on why some people feel the need to comment on MN threads when they have no experience of the topic in question, or post reviews saying "don't know haven't used it yet" or "it was a present so can't comment" if people are actually wandering around in such arrogance thinking that everyone else is so desperate for their input they have to give it!

No, why would you? No one knows you saw it.

I am certain no one is going to be saying to a recently bereaved mother ‘you haven’t liked my holidays pictures’. Does anyone do that to anyone, never mind someone bereaved?

and since you don’t know how the woman was feeling, why would anyone contemplate the person liking (which is positive) is doing so with negative feelings?

Again, assuming this woman may have been upset by it when the evidence is that she liked it is centring the Ops own feelings. Not her friends feelings.

and it’s also assuming alot about the woman that posted it, non of it great. Which is why it reads as though Op has an issue with the woman who posted it in general.

How do you know I have no experience? That's a bit of an assumption. How do you know the picture didn't stop this bereaved mother in her tracks, tore her in two directions, happy for her friend and for life carrying on, whilst at the same time part of her is in the grave with her lost child? How do you now she didn't click through a veil of tears? I think all the people who say 'don't be so silly' have relatively simple emotional lives - nothing wrong with that, in fact you're really lucky.

PS you might be absolutely right. But you don't know! Neither do I, to be fair. I find the idea that nothing could make you feel worse if you've gone through that completely convincing. But the idea the OP is posing a stupid question - that's what's bothers me. It's not that obvious.

This has brought tears to my eyes.
I can’t imagine your pain. I hope it’s ok for an online stranger to send you a wee hug.

Nothing reminds you of the loss. The loss is a constant.

What is harder are the people who pussy foot around you or analyse you liking a photo as if it's some passive aggressive act, or you're too fragile to be able to handle it.

No bereaved parent goes on Facebook and doesn't expect to see family photos of their friend's kids.

I lost a baby six weeks ago.
my friend just gave birth. I wouldn’t dream of being upset that she’s shared pictures online. You might think that was insensitive to me but no one knows what’s going on behind the scenes. I was first to meet baby, I was told she’d given birth before posting online. They could not have done more. You’ve no idea how much the friend has been actually supporting and she may have even spoken about it!!

I can see your point, but as others have said it's not your offence to take.

We tend to overthink these things but let it go.

If the bereaved mother is upset she say something or just not look at facebook, there’s no need for you to intervene