Is this inappropriate? Family photo.

[condecco]

My friend just lost her child to cancer less than 2 weeks ago. Obviously she’s broken

Her best friend yesterday updated her Facebook to change a profile photo to a family photo (her, her partner and her two children). Proper staged photo, posed, on holiday all matching outfits and sunglasses.

Friend who lost her child has liked the photo. Aibu and thinking too much into this. I just wouldn’t so soon after my BEST friend lost her child be uploading happy family photos of my children/immediate family within 10 days of this .. just reminding her of what she’s now lost.

Ah now that isn’t fair. She’s not said anything to these people and she’s asking a question on an anonymous forum.

op, i agree with a pp who said that people are wrapped up in social media and don’t think.

id try to not think about it

I get what you are saying. But when would it be ok to post a photo? A month later ? A year later? Would that then be saying - it’s ok she’s over it by now? Presumably if it her best friend then she has been a support and has shown her friend that she cares, so a fb photo is irrelevant fluff.

You really don't know the background to posting the photo and what conversations she may have had with her best friend. Unless the poster of the photo has had form for not being a good friend, I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

I too understand where you are coming from and think you are a good friend to be sensitive on her behalf.

This would hurt me but I would blame myself for even logging in to fb and putting myself through that.
I had a late loss and stayed off fb for about 2 years after.
The day after I was told baby had no heartbeat a "friend' sent me a message on snapchat with sympathies. The next day she sent me videos of her rubbing her bump. I never looked at her snapchat again and she eventually deleted me from it. People are dicks.

My point is there are some people who intentionally rub people's noses in it. It's up to us to not look and protect ourselves.
When I eventually went back on fb I discovered lots of people had removed me as a friend too. Prob thought I'd been ignoring their posts and took offence. When all I was doing was protecting myself.

The saddest thing about this thread is the number of people who have had the tragic loss of a child. My sister lost her lovely daughter at age 5 and so I’ve witnessed the absolute devastation that has been…. My heart goes out to all who know that pain….

It can be anything that triggers upset after losing a child,Ive saw it in my wife she lost her first boy when he was three.she always said she still had ds 2 unfortunately she lost him as well.Time has passed now birthdays Xmas dates of their deaths are particularly hard and you never forget and we still talk about them and that helps in my wife's case.

You have overdosed on ellipses.

What has it got to do with you?

I agree OP, she sounds selfish and uncaring.

I can see where you are coming from, but not sure I agree completely.

If it was close family, then that would be massively insensitive.

But beyond close family, then I think it's fine. As others have said, if I had just lost a child I am not sure I would be that bothered about keeping up with other people's lives or Facebook posts and I certainly wouldn't want them having to second guess whether I was having a good day or bad day, as I guess that could go in for months.

Quite! the fact she chose to answer that post as opposed to the other 7 speaks volumes.

Sorry for your loss, but might also have been for not wanting to upset you with their posts.

It's still something people don't talk openly about and don't know how to react.

Exactly this, when my friend lost her child, she asked everyone to hug their loved ones close and tell them they’re loved because you never know when it will be the last time. Maybe this photo was a situation like that and her friend had her blessing.

^this. OP, why are you getting insulted on someone else's behalf? Plenty of other bereaved parents have explained why this is ok. Sad as it is, life goes on

I personally would not post a photograph of me and my children a matter of days after my best friend lost her child. I wouldn't post any whimsical updates either. It would occur to me when doing this for weeks, months and years afterwards.

Though over time I would resume normal activity gradually. Nothing will take the loss out of her mind and her friends' social media activity is unlikely to make her feel any worse but that doesn't mean it was necessary.

When global atrocities take place, there is a reason people choose to black out their social media pictures, it is a sign of solidarity with those experiencing loss. I'm with OP on this but there's not much point being offended on your friend's behalf, you can only try to be there for her in this incredibly upsetting time. x

My aunt lost her daughter, my beloved cousin.
My cousin was 50 - my aunt 75.
My aunt is now 94.
Sometimes it’s unbearable to look my aunt in the eyes — she has that broken look, you know?
But she carries on, celebrating everybody else’s birthday, anniversary, wedding.
She soldiers on.
That’s what they do.
We soldier on with them, beside them, lending an ear or a hand or a shoulder.
That’s what we do.

No you're unreasonable but so sorry for your friend

When I lost my Mum, the people who tried to be sympathetic were the worst.

Those who continued to share their lives and let me deal with my grief were the ones who made it easiest. I couldn't stop everyone from being Mums or sharing pictures of them with their Mums. Having the world keeping turning was vital because otherwise it hurts all the more when it does restart.

I think people are being very mean to the poster. She's trying to process the situation too. Are we all supposed to know exactly how to behave when a friend loses a child? Just get it perfect and not need to explore and understand? I think what people say is very helpful, and right. The poster is clearly taking it on board so why the snark?

She doesn’t need to “process the situation” though. Her friend is the one grieving and her friend has no issue with the picture. What does the OP need to “process”?

I wouldn’t have done this either as I would be very conscious of how it might look to my poor friend. You’ll probably find it didn’t even cross her mind though.

Situations like this I think are always very tricky as people are very insular and tend to focus very much on their own lives. I really feel for your friend. I don’t know how I would ever cope in the situation.

I'm guessing she cares about her friend!

If she cares that much, why not credit her friend with some autonomy? OP only knows her friend even saw the picture because of the like. If OP’s friend was so upset by it, why has she liked it?

OP’s friend is going through hell and may need a lot of support and understanding. It’s not the time for OP to get bent out of shape over non-issues under the guise of caring.