Is this inappropriate? Family photo.

[condecco]

My friend just lost her child to cancer less than 2 weeks ago. Obviously she’s broken

Her best friend yesterday updated her Facebook to change a profile photo to a family photo (her, her partner and her two children). Proper staged photo, posed, on holiday all matching outfits and sunglasses.

Friend who lost her child has liked the photo. Aibu and thinking too much into this. I just wouldn’t so soon after my BEST friend lost her child be uploading happy family photos of my children/immediate family within 10 days of this .. just reminding her of what she’s now lost.

There are few things as tedious as person A getting upset/offended/outraged on behalf of person B when person B has not asked them to.

It may depend on the age of the child. I couldn’t look at babies after our baby died for long time. Family photos may be ok but maybe those transition ones to new schools, 18ths bring it home again. 2 weeks in I was still in shock and not really able to think. However supportive people are you do have to find your own way with grief. A wave of it can hit you anywhere and anytime and there’s not always people around. Just be there for your friend and let her find her own way through the utter shitness of it all.

She lost the child and she isn’t offended so why are you? It means nothing.

I can't begin to imagine the loss of a child. But I am fairly certain if I did, I wouldn't be anywhere near facebook or social media in general for a long time afterwards. Ten days in, I'm sure I'd still be in the darkest hole. I doubt your friend has seen the post, and obviously there's no need to tell her about it. Just be there to support her as best anyone can.

I think this is insensitive though.I am aware that no on is going to "forget" losing their much loved child.However a little tact and kindness is called for here. Maybe just posting online you have had a good holiday and keeping it brief,No photos!

Get a grip.

It's terribly sad but requesting or hoping for others to stop sharing family photos during mourning isn't really feasible.
Unfortunately life goes on. I hope they get loads of support from all their friends and family, and from counsellors if needed.

One of the hardest things about grief is that for everyone else life goes on.

Your friend’s friend hasn’t done anything wrong, but your friend wouldn’t be wrong for feeling like she had.

Given that your friend has liked the photo, she sounds like a kind and considerate person and you shouldn’t take issue with this other friend on her behalf - that would only cause unnecessary stress for all parties. Forget about it.

Come off it. Fair enough if it were the day of the death or the day after you might have a point

I think it's better to have people behave as they would normally.

Not tiptoe around or, even worse, avoid completely.
Not lost a child, but have had horrible bereavement.
Also, my thoughts to those who have lost a child x

No life goes on. You can't expect the world to stop turning.

I say that as a parent whose lost 3 sons.

You say that they are best friends (you are just a friend) so how do you not know that they didn't talk about this in advance? As best friends they may have supported one another throughout the illness and actually discussed before anything was posted

Yup. But she scraped the barrel this time..

Ridiculous.
The friend who lost the child liked the photo so it can't have upset her that much.
It's a tragic thing to happen and the grief will come in waves, for the rest of her life. She's going to be confronted every day with images of families etc. You can't police that and you can't and shouldn't stop friends posting photos of their families because it might upset someone.
At any one point in time, someone on your facebook friends is going to be experiencing a loss. I found it hard when my Dad died to see other people posting photos of them with their Dad so I just stayed off facebook when I was going through the worst of it. And other times when I didn't feel as bad I liked people's photos as I would normally and even though I was sad to have lost my Dad I was and am still always glad to see that other people have theirs and are doing nice things with them.

Stop trying to start drama. You don’t forget you’ve lost a child. It will hardly remind her. Wind your neck in and concentrate on your own life.

@condecco seems to be getting a hard time here unnecessarily. Her thoughts and heart were in the right place and she was thinking of her friend's welfare so many of the comments on here are just rude.

I too would have thought it was insensitive, but after reading the posts on here from people who have tragically lost children, it seems that it wouldn’t be viewed as insensitive.

You are a good thoughtful friend, OP.

I think it's insensitive but that Facebook for you- the work of the Devil too often.

In any group there will always be someone who is having a dreadful time and someone who is having a wonderful time. It's just life.

You're overthinking it. Your grieving friend will not suddenly expect those around her to stop celebrating and being proud of their own families.

I can see your point OP, I wouldn't have posted that myself.

Grief vulturing at its worst
Not your loss
wind your neck in

After how many days will her friends be okay to post pictures of their family online in your moral framework?

This is why people who’ve suffered extreme grief or are widowed often complain about being ignored or left alone. People getting their knockers in a twist about how to be “respectful” rather than recognising life goes on.

I think posting the photo is fine.

BUT, if my best friend had lost her child only ten days before, I don't think I'd be in any fit state for posting happy photos on FB. I'd still be very much wrapped up in the loss and grieving for my friend.

Sometimes I know grieving families don't want their loved ones to hide or not carry on their lives or not keep them in the loop because they are worried the family are grieving. Sometimes it's a comfort to see others and their families and to be included in being able to see this and be involved.

This is very true too.