Is this inappropriate? Family photo.

[condecco]

My friend just lost her child to cancer less than 2 weeks ago. Obviously she’s broken

Her best friend yesterday updated her Facebook to change a profile photo to a family photo (her, her partner and her two children). Proper staged photo, posed, on holiday all matching outfits and sunglasses.

Friend who lost her child has liked the photo. Aibu and thinking too much into this. I just wouldn’t so soon after my BEST friend lost her child be uploading happy family photos of my children/immediate family within 10 days of this .. just reminding her of what she’s now lost.

Focus on supporting your friend instead of looking for problems that are either insignificant, or in this case simply isn't there.

I know you say you haven't said anything to any one other than in this post, but your your friend needs someone in her corner who's head doesn't even go to these places.

I wouldn’t have posted it but then again, I wouldn’t judge the person posting the photo.

Don't over cook it.. op is just thinking of her friend and venting here and or just asking the question... I think the only one who needs to wind their neck in...

YABU

I’m surprised grieving friend is even on SM because surely it’s full of people snd their kids.
The friend may have assumed that the grieving friend wouldn’t be on SM either.

The other friend should not stop posting about her kids, just because her other friend is grieving.
If that’s the case it will be months or years before she can post her kids.

I’m sure the grieving friend was aware that some photos may be upsetting/triggering for her but she chose to go on SM, so perhaps it brings her comfort in some way.

I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to act in these circumstances.
This friend is choosing to carry on posting photos, whilst you are choosing to wait X amount of time before doing so.
I don’t think either of you are wrong.

this is one of the reasons I don't post photos on social media. I never know at any one time what difficulties people are going through and how they might feel looking at snapshots of whatever nice thing i would want to post eg new babies in the family. If I want to share photos with someone, I just send them directly.

very sorry to hear about your friend. can't imagine how difficult that is.

Other peoples lives go on... changing your own profile pic to a family holiday shot is in no way insensitive to dead children.

Not the same but I went through infertility and then after 6 years of trying, cancer and fertility treatments I finally got pregnant to suffer a MMC. It hit me hard and several friends got pregnant right after including my best friend... of course they posted their pregnancy journey on THEIR page. I just simply muted seeing the posts, they're still my friends and their own paths have nothing to do with my journey, the world doesn't revolve around me.

The friend may have assumed that the grieving friend wouldn’t be on SM either

THIS. I would have assumed that the friend wouldn't even be on social media if she was finding it too painful as that seems common sense to me.

You come across as very hostile to this friend, this seems less about a genuine query of "is this inappropriate?" and more about raging at her- what's the back story here because I am sure there is more to this than you've said....

My friend after her dd passed aged 10 specifically requested we continue to post as we usually would. She needed some level of normality she said.

If her primary concern was her friend’s welfare, the fact that the friend liked the picture would have been enough to reassure her. I’m getting the vibe that she wanted everyone to gasp at the insensitivity because she doesn’t like the picture-posting friend, and she wanted other people to agree that this person is horrible.

I would say it's insensitive and personally wouldn't have posted it.

One of my closest friends lost her child unexpectedly at age 7. She said that the most hurtful devastating thing she experienced was certainly not "life going on" but people ignoring her, avoiding her, and basically dropping her as a friend because they simply didnt know what to say/do.

From what she said she would not have had an issue with a family picture at all. What she did find incredibly hurtful on the other hand were people acting like it was a taboo to even speak her name- it was horribly isolating for her at a time when she needed the most support. In fact, I often bring up her daughter in conversation because I know she wants to talk about her, she might not be here now but she existed and thats very, very important to her and us as a group.

But think of all the people out on the street! We never know what difficulties they’re going through - new babies, couples in love, and other happy parts of life should be kept inside so as not to upset them.

🙄🙄🙄

I can kind of see where you're coming from but equally, nothing anyone says or does can possibly make the loss of a child any easier.

I really hope this isn’t just a case of Op not like the friend who posted a picture and jumped at this to try and get people she doesn’t know to agree with her.

Because that would mean she is using her friends bereavement as an opportunity to bitch about the 3rd person

Wild guess - you don’t like this other friend much..

No. Your concern falls dangerously close to the practice of being offended by proxy. This is a huge problem in Society today - everyone overthinks everything, all the time…

You are being completely ridiculous

I thought you were making a sensitive point OP. Until you started being rude and sarcastic to people who disagreed with you. You asked for opinions and didn’t like turn when they suffered from your. Be humble and take other people’s views on board.

just my opinion, you don't have to follow it

and I don't know about you, but I don't stop people on the street to tell them about my personal life

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Someone changing a Facebook photo is probably not going to register in her grief.

I would focus on supporting the friend and ignore what photos other people post on social media.

Sorry I misread your original post. But I still disagree that it’s an insensitive move. Not sure that your tone on here is doing you any favours tbh.

To add to my previous post, an older friend of mind actually lost her son on Mothers day.. Imagine the pain.. oh I don't think you'd know how to empathise for a stranger

Or perhaps IF the person who had lost their child was going to be upset they would avoid Social Media for a while. However this bereaved parent liked the picture. Someone else was being offended on their behalf. Ridiculous.

Exactly that.

After my children died there were times I loved seeing photos and people being happy, and there were times I felt resentful, in the times I felt resentful I didn't go online, and I certainly wouldn't have went online and taken offence at people doing normal people stuff.

Sorry for your loss.