Is this inappropriate? Family photo.

[condecco]

My friend just lost her child to cancer less than 2 weeks ago. Obviously she’s broken

Her best friend yesterday updated her Facebook to change a profile photo to a family photo (her, her partner and her two children). Proper staged photo, posed, on holiday all matching outfits and sunglasses.

Friend who lost her child has liked the photo. Aibu and thinking too much into this. I just wouldn’t so soon after my BEST friend lost her child be uploading happy family photos of my children/immediate family within 10 days of this .. just reminding her of what she’s now lost.

The matching outfits would make me 🤔bit tacky but the photo of a happy family won't make a jot of difference.
Don't be offended on someone else's behalf if they are outwardly okay with something, unless they ask you to be.

Woah…

I think you’re getting a hard time OP and I can see why this would potentially be viewed as unsympathetic if she is a close friend of the lady who lost her child. You’re obviously not causing drama by asking a question on Mumsnet!

10 days is very close to such a tragic event. I don’t know what the “right” timescale should be though. If something like this happened to a close friend of mine I would feel it inappropriate to put up such a picture - although like other people have said she probably can’t be going through any more pain so a picture is unlikely to make a lot of difference anyway. Personally I feel it is insensitive.

How long before Op comes back say she spoke to her bereaved friend and she is actually devastated about the photo?

I’m waiting for it 😂

I've never lost a child, but I almost lost my daughter when she was very young. While she was in hospital and we weren't sure if she was going to live or die, seeing other people's lives going on as normal actually brought me a great deal of comfort.

I can't say if your bereaved friend would feel the same way, grief is such a personal experience, however it is absolutely not your place to be deciding how she should feel, or getting offended on her behalf. One assumes if she's liked the post that she's ok with it. To be honest I can't imagine she's feeling much of anything about other people's family photos two weeks after the death of her child.

I just have a feeling that the OP isn't terribly keen on the woman who posted the picture.........

Please don’t take offence to this OP but I think seeing as you are not the one who has just lost their child and the best friend of the person who has just lost their child you should stay out of it and keep your judgements to yourself.

If bereaved friend has liked the photo then why would your mind jump to insensitive

As ever, often people who condemn other people turn out to not be so nice themselves.

How do you know these two people haven't talked about it before the picture was posted? how do you know that this best friend hasn't been the rock who has helped this woman during the most awful time of her life? how do you know the grieving mother hasn't taken comfort from photos of her dear friend and her family because she's been like a sister to her for years and years?

I just have a feeling that the OP isn't terribly keen on the woman who posted the picture.........

I agree with this. Getting these vibes too.

I think you are over thinking this.

Good grief, what are you on about. Firstly a photo of someone else’s kid isn’t going to remind her of what she’s lost, what a horrific thing to write, she’s not bloody forgotten. And hiding your kids is a ludicrous suggestion.

honestly I’d get this deleted, it’s so bad.

Just waiting for the deletion message

Oh me oh my….

Life goes on. And your friend probably isn't spending much time on facebook at the moment.

Actually OP I agree it's insensitive. I just wouldn't want to post a happy family photo so soon after if it was someone close to me.
Not saying it would make the loss harder. It's just such a lack of thought

Being a grief vampire isn’t something to be proud of OP.

I can't speak for any other bereaved parents, but I definitely found people like the op the worst after my children died.

That bloody look when somebody said something and they thought I may get offended by, which then just puts everyone on eggshells, and means all the interactions I had were awkward and strained, which made me feel even more lonely and more of an outcast.

That judgement of others also extended to me, if I laughed, I was judged with the old "oh your so brave, I would never be able to laugh again if my child died".

So tedious.

In my experience this is one of the things that people think might be insensitive but actually isn’t. The bereaved friend knows you all have happy families and talking about them and appreciating them and loving them is completely fine. It doesn’t impact on her own loss of her own child.

This. It was Father’s Day a few days ago. And I pretty much guarantee that almost every one of her fb friends/acquaintances were posting MULTIPLE photos of their families doing lovely things for Father’s Day. If seeing other peoples alive children on social media is triggering for her, then she’d have avoided it altogether. Friends pretending their children no longer exist in case it ‘reminds her’ is not helping in any shape or form

The fact your bereaved friend "liked" the picture tells you all you need to know really OP, which you'd realise if you didn't have such an obvious axe to grind with her best friend.

When my DD died, I was more bothered by the people who crossed the street to avoid me than anything anyone posted on Facebook.
I'm sure her friend has been supportive in many ways and there's no getting away from the fact that other people still have their children whilst you've lost yours.

I remember when a friend lost his father, it was close to father's day and I said to another friend I felt insensitive mentioning my father around him again.
She said "He will understand, we can't not talk about our dad's again".
This is in the same vein, I think.

People posting or not posting picture of their children will not make the pain any more or less real.
Sending to your friend, I'm so sorry for her loss x

Do you think this friend has updated her photo on purpose to upset her other friend?