Gift causing rift

[AuntyFloshankie]

Name change for this. My adult children have asked me to post to get outside views.

Briefly my son arranged a city break in Europe as a gift for his girlfriend of 2+ years.

He thinks he put heart and soul into his search for their hotel, in terms of location, facilities and even decor.

He pushed his budget as he thought he’d found the perfect one and could only afford it at the non refundable rate.

His girlfriend doesn’t like the hotel. The rift it’s causing is threatening to end their relationship.

Harsh words have been exchanged on BOTH sides. My son is upset and he has said some nasty things. Possibly because she was provoked she has accused him of deliberately booking somewhere he knew she wouldn’t like and there is nothing positive about the hotel he has booked.

The hotel is central, has a pool, large rooms and fabulous reviews on Tripadvisor.

My son’s current stance is that he cannot amend the booking ( he did try) and he is going with or without her, even if this means their relationship ends.

I think we would all welcome independent views.

What does she not like? Unless there’s a really good reason it seems ungrateful and a bit unkind.

From that description she seems unreasonable but is it there a genuine reason for her comments? Maybe she would have preferred to have been involved? Does she want to go to the location?

If it’s a city break, they’ll hardly be in the hotel. It’s a just a room to crash in at the end of a busy day. The GF sounds like a spoilt brat and your son should go with a friend.

This

Whats the problem with the hotel?
without that information its hard to decide if she is being a brat or your son has screwed up.
Whichever it is it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship

On the surface of this she’s being massively unreasonable and very ungrateful, but if harsh words have been exchanged on both sides purely over hotel room decor etc and it’s now a potential relationship breaker, I’d suspect deeper issues at play?

I think you should not get involved.

Unless it’s a hotel that rents rooms by the hour surely it’s just a place to sleep.

But yes they should break up. If they can’t even go on a trip without drama then yes it’s not a good relationship.

She sounds ungrateful and spiteful.

But at the end of the day their is probably her side of the story to listen to first.

She sounds very ungrateful. No wonder your son is annoyed with her.

As others have said, there just isn't enough info.

Eg if something awful had happened to her in the past in that hotel and he knew it, he would be a huge arsehole to have booked it.
If she hates purple and the bedding is purple and that's why she's kicking off, she is 🤷

So what are her actual specific reasons for disliking the hotel?

Bit more context - is she someone who has expressed a dislike of surprises and a need to plan stuff carefully herself? Or has she got form for being a demanding princess and being ungrateful? Has he got form for forcing his own agenda with insufficient regard for her views?

I think your son should go alone.

Maybe she's ungrateful and spoiled, maybe she has a real issue with the hotel, maybe she wanted the fun of planning and choosing together, who knows.

Absolutely no reason for any of this to get nasty though. The fact they have resorted to that means the relationship won't work anyway.

This.

I don't know about the hotel, but if I found out my boyfriend had discussed our row in detail with his parent(s) and sibling(s) and they had then posted it as a group on MN to get strangers to discuss how unreasonable I was... I'd be running for the hills.

But:

• why doesn't she like it?
• Does he have form for being controlling?
• What harsh things has he said?

Tell ds it's a box of Roses next year. Or find a nicer gf who appreciates his efforts...

The girlfriend sounds like she isn't very nice but your son sounds out of order for 'harsh words' and for saying nasty things. A 2 year old relationship shouldn't be like that. They should split up as they aren't compatible. It doesnt matter whose fault it is exactly. They both sound immature.

Hmmm, I tend to agree with previous poster who says this is not something for you to get involved in - the fact that your Ds (I presume) has asked his mum to get a load of women on the internet to back him up isn’t a great look. From your ds’s telling Ofc she sounds unreasonable, but I’d be interested to hear her reasons for not liking the specific hotel - I wonder if your Ds has booked something to his tastes rather than hers?

The OP has said her adult child wanted her to post this thread. My adult kids have directly asked me for advice about their relationships from time to time. It's normal. They come to me because they welcome my input.

This is why it is always worth paying the tiny bit extra for the refundable rate.

What’s the reason she doesn’t like the hotel? Unless there’s some valid reason she doesn’t like it she does sound like a spoiled ungrateful brat and he’d be better off going without her and breaking up. I cannot imagine ever expressing upset over the hotel that someone had lovingly booked and paid for as a gift, except in some kind of extreme circumstance.

Adult children, plural. Put yourself in the GF's shoes and think how you'd feel about your MIL posting your row on MN. It's a really low thing to do.

It sounds ungrateful but what is her side of the story? She surely has a reason she feels is sound to react the way she has.