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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gift causing rift

129 replies

AuntyFloshankie · 21/06/2024 10:56

Name change for this. My adult children have asked me to post to get outside views.

Briefly my son arranged a city break in Europe as a gift for his girlfriend of 2+ years.

He thinks he put heart and soul into his search for their hotel, in terms of location, facilities and even decor.

He pushed his budget as he thought he’d found the perfect one and could only afford it at the non refundable rate.

His girlfriend doesn’t like the hotel. The rift it’s causing is threatening to end their relationship.

Harsh words have been exchanged on BOTH sides. My son is upset and he has said some nasty things. Possibly because she was provoked she has accused him of deliberately booking somewhere he knew she wouldn’t like and there is nothing positive about the hotel he has booked.

The hotel is central, has a pool, large rooms and fabulous reviews on Tripadvisor.

My son’s current stance is that he cannot amend the booking ( he did try) and he is going with or without her, even if this means their relationship ends.

I think we would all welcome independent views.

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 21/06/2024 16:15

Feelsodrained · 21/06/2024 16:13

If you’re in a controlling or gaslighting relationship it’s not that odd because you start to question your own version of things. Not saying this is the case here but I’d see it more as something a victim would do than a controlling person. A controlling person wouldn’t need strangers to judge their choices - they’d be convinced they were in the right.

Good point.

AutumnFroglets · 21/06/2024 16:20

Feelsodrained · 21/06/2024 16:13

If you’re in a controlling or gaslighting relationship it’s not that odd because you start to question your own version of things. Not saying this is the case here but I’d see it more as something a victim would do than a controlling person. A controlling person wouldn’t need strangers to judge their choices - they’d be convinced they were in the right.

Actually it's the other way round. A controlling person would word the question to put them in the better light and use the answers to berate and beat the abused person with. You see it all the time on the Relationship forum.

Feelsodrained · 21/06/2024 16:56

AutumnFroglets · 21/06/2024 16:20

Actually it's the other way round. A controlling person would word the question to put them in the better light and use the answers to berate and beat the abused person with. You see it all the time on the Relationship forum.

There’s literally nothing to suggest he’s controlling and if the OP was posting about her DD who’d booked a trip that her bf was telling her wasn’t good enough, the responses would be so so different. The mum doesn’t even know the full story so the twisting the story to suit his narrative makes no sense.

FrankTheDog · 21/06/2024 17:11

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