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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Date wanted me to buy her coke

155 replies

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:04

I went on a second date with a woman, the first date had been good, no issues at all.

We arranged to go for a drink, she insisted on buying me a beer since I had picked up the the tab on our first date.

All was going well, we had a couple of afternoon drinks and strolled around chatting. After a little while, my date said she was hungry and shall we stop for something to eat. I told her I didn’t want to spoil my dinner but was happy to order a little starter and sit with her while she ate.

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table. I was a little suprised and put on the spot. I may have been alright with that at one point in time, but I was currently short on funds myself.

I told her quietly and discreetly let’s go for a walk, and explained that I had dinner waiting for me and preferred to eat there due to being short on funds, but that I knew a very good quality tasty food truck close by where she could pick up something. She declined.

We continued chatting nicely and strolling for a few minutes, at which point she sat down on a bench and asked me if I wanted to do some “gear”. I told her I wasn’t into that but she was welcome to if she really felt like it.
She got her phone out and began texting her “connection”, asking if that was alright. I told her sure, but I thought she didn’t have any money. She quietly put her phone away looking disappointed.

At this point I just wanted to go home, and told her so, she appeared very excited and said she wanted to come with me, I told her that wasn’t possible.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

I hugged her goodbye and left.

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now? I have been out of the dating game for a while.

She was otherwise very nice, very attractive, and didn’t look like a drug addict at all, I know that lots of people use coke recreationally without being addicts.

OP posts:
Fedupmumofadultsons · 21/06/2024 09:13

You have had a big huge lucky escape probably has no money because a serious drug user they don't all look likecrack addicts .chalk it up to experience and move on at least you knew before you actually fell for her

Catsmere · 21/06/2024 09:17

She wanted you to buy illegal drugs for her - run a mile!

5128gap · 21/06/2024 09:23

In what world could you possibly think you were unreasonable? Of course it's fine to end dates with people who want you to fund them, push to go back to yours when you haven't invited them, and do recreational drugs. Women have to end dates with men for one or more of these reasons all the time.

FOJN · 21/06/2024 09:25

Dodged a bullet. Have nothing further to do with this woman.

LadyMuckRake · 21/06/2024 09:26

Blimey, no thanks, buying somebody a meal or a drink is very different from buying them drugs.

I can't believe she wheeled out a drug habit on the first date. But it's better now than discovering it when you're attached.

US2gether · 21/06/2024 09:27

Wow run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. She's a user in more ways than one and needs a meal ticket.

LlynTegid · 21/06/2024 09:28

If you met via OLD you could let the website know, ask they are banned.

See other threads about who the victims of the drugs trade are.

ChaToilLeam · 21/06/2024 09:28

Freeloader and possible addict. Run!

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:28

She also said if we couldn’t go to mine, we could chill out in her hotel room listening to her playlist, she had come to my city for the day. I wasn’t aware she had a room ready, it’s an easy less than an hour return to where she lives.

I couldn’t understand why she would bother to blow lots of money on a hotel room when she was struggling to feed herself lunch. I must have accidentally implied I didn’t believe her, because she offered to show it to me as proof.

She did say when I was getting to know her that she works as a hotel receptionist as one of her part time jobs, does that mean some hotels offer free rooms to their staff at different locations?

Or is it more likely that she had enough money but just preferred I pay as I did the first time?

OP posts:
BookArt · 21/06/2024 09:29

I read the title as buy her 'a coke' and wondered what buying someone a coca cola was AIBU worthy haha!!

Run away, block, don't be involved. You did the right thing.

Why is online dating so crazy!? I will at some point have to re enter the crazy town but when I read things like this... I'm happy to wait a lot longer.

Hearthfloor · 21/06/2024 09:30

I thought it was Coca Cola too! Run OP, you deserve better

Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2024 09:31

Block her and never look back.

Plump82 · 21/06/2024 09:33

Weird, I'm sure I've read a post exactly like this before on here.

EatTheGnome · 21/06/2024 09:33

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:28

She also said if we couldn’t go to mine, we could chill out in her hotel room listening to her playlist, she had come to my city for the day. I wasn’t aware she had a room ready, it’s an easy less than an hour return to where she lives.

I couldn’t understand why she would bother to blow lots of money on a hotel room when she was struggling to feed herself lunch. I must have accidentally implied I didn’t believe her, because she offered to show it to me as proof.

She did say when I was getting to know her that she works as a hotel receptionist as one of her part time jobs, does that mean some hotels offer free rooms to their staff at different locations?

Or is it more likely that she had enough money but just preferred I pay as I did the first time?

Edited

She hasn't blown her money on a hotel room, she is most likely having temporarily housed by the council.

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:33

LlynTegid · 21/06/2024 09:28

If you met via OLD you could let the website know, ask they are banned.

See other threads about who the victims of the drugs trade are.

She unmatched from me as soon as we agreed to meet.

I do wonder if that along with the hotel room means she’s partnered up living with someone.

OP posts:
3peassuit · 21/06/2024 09:33

She showed you who she was on the second date. See it as a lucky escape.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/06/2024 09:34

Plump82 · 21/06/2024 09:33

Weird, I'm sure I've read a post exactly like this before on here.

Think I have too.

Don't contact her again, if this is real.

LadyMuckRake · 21/06/2024 09:34

Are you a man? If she made the effort to go to you, then I don't think she'd be wrong to hope you'd WANT to buy her dinner.

But, no point analysing it later as anybody who shows you they take drugs on the second date is going to be using them a fair bit.

Not for me.

I think in different circumstances though, with the right woman, it's very nice to know that a man recognises that you probably spent money on a hairdresser et cetera (or when I was dating, a baby sitter).

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:35

Plump82 · 21/06/2024 09:33

Weird, I'm sure I've read a post exactly like this before on here.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she does this all the time, she was so brazen about it, I was genuinely shocked she expected me to buy her drugs.

Link to other thread please?

OP posts:
MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:37

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/06/2024 09:34

Think I have too.

Don't contact her again, if this is real.

Link, please?

Very curious now.

Unfortunately very real, I thought stuff like this happened more often to men, if it were to happen at all.

OP posts:
Plump82 · 21/06/2024 09:39

No chance id be able to find it. Wasn't recent.

Goldenbear · 21/06/2024 09:41

MixtapeEssential · 21/06/2024 09:37

Link, please?

Very curious now.

Unfortunately very real, I thought stuff like this happened more often to men, if it were to happen at all.

Edited

Are you a man?

5431go · 21/06/2024 09:41

She sounds so weird!!!

I would want a man to pay (for food), but I mean why would go in a date with no money ? And asking you to by drugs ? Even weirder!

Callipygion · 21/06/2024 09:42

Hearthfloor · 21/06/2024 09:30

I thought it was Coca Cola too! Run OP, you deserve better

Well I initially read it as cake, I need my eyes tested I think.

Mrsjayy · 21/06/2024 09:43

She sounds like an absolute scammer you had a lucky escape don't contact her again, she was trying you out to see how far she could go.