Date wanted me to buy her coke

[MixtapeEssential]

I went on a second date with a woman, the first date had been good, no issues at all.

We arranged to go for a drink, she insisted on buying me a beer since I had picked up the the tab on our first date.

All was going well, we had a couple of afternoon drinks and strolled around chatting. After a little while, my date said she was hungry and shall we stop for something to eat. I told her I didn’t want to spoil my dinner but was happy to order a little starter and sit with her while she ate.

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table. I was a little suprised and put on the spot. I may have been alright with that at one point in time, but I was currently short on funds myself.

I told her quietly and discreetly let’s go for a walk, and explained that I had dinner waiting for me and preferred to eat there due to being short on funds, but that I knew a very good quality tasty food truck close by where she could pick up something. She declined.

We continued chatting nicely and strolling for a few minutes, at which point she sat down on a bench and asked me if I wanted to do some “gear”. I told her I wasn’t into that but she was welcome to if she really felt like it.
She got her phone out and began texting her “connection”, asking if that was alright. I told her sure, but I thought she didn’t have any money. She quietly put her phone away looking disappointed.

At this point I just wanted to go home, and told her so, she appeared very excited and said she wanted to come with me, I told her that wasn’t possible.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

I hugged her goodbye and left.

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now? I have been out of the dating game for a while.

She was otherwise very nice, very attractive, and didn’t look like a drug addict at all, I know that lots of people use coke recreationally without being addicts.

If neither of you had any money then what was the actual plan for the date? She travelled to you for the date, yes? And you didn’t have any kind of plan to get any food?

Unreasonable? I think you should be thanking your lucky stars. She sounds ⚠️⚠️⚠️☹️.

NGL I opened this thread well ready to tell you off for being too cheap to buy your date a soft drink. I must be getting old.

You dodged a bullet. There's zero reason you should be expected to pay for everything and she's got a cheek coming out with no money and trying to get you to pay for her drugs.

Well done for standing your ground, you could have ended up paying for lunch, drugs and another drink. The cheeky cow!

Yes, there was the poster who met a woman for a date and the date turned out to be drinking all day and going to a random house party, and the poster paid for everything I think. And then bought the woman tickets for a festival or something for their second date and was wondering whether to go or not.

YANBU to run.

YABU to think drug addicts are clearly identifiable.

All very disconcerting, for sure. At this point I think I’ll be thinking very carefully about when or if I ever buy a first round again! Being around this level of dodginess is unsettling.

Thank you, I must have missed that. Phew!

I've read a post like this on here before and it was two women

I didn’t expect her to do it again after I said I was leaving, I guess I thought she’d drop the ridiculous act, either way, I knew I wasn’t buying her a drink just as a matter of principle.

If I had it and you asked nicely, maybe, but just expecting it or setting people up and scheming and manipulating isn’t how it’s going to happen.

Besides, I was thirsty myself, but finally decided to remain thirsty instead of being subjected to more performances.

Please link it, if it was two women, it might very well be the same woman.

People don't tend to run out of windows?

I'm sure she'd have wanted to sit by the door if that's what she was planning.

Yes but where did you think she was going to suddenly magic up the money from?

If you were thirsty, I'd have grabbed a bottle of water at the station as you were headed there anyway.

Please block her number from ur phone

Lots of red flags there - based on what you've written there I'd encourage you not to pursue anything more with this person. I hope you meet someone kinder soon.

"...her tiny but cute scandi minimalist one bedroom she claimed to share with a roomate."

Maybe she was sitting in one of the room mock-ups in her nearest IKEA - hee hee ;-)

No seriously -
Her suggestions had so many possibilities to exploit/endanger you.
(Just for instance, the arrival of her dealer/boyfriend/pimp could have been an unsavoury element).
Glad you bid her farewell and are safe and well.

Why? It's YANBU regardless.

I thought you meant a drink- Pepsi Cola= COKE!
Maybe ask MHQ to change your subject line to DRUGS?

Being cynical is she a street worker?
She had a room booked (for sex presumably) and invited you back but presumably she thought you'd buy her drugs first.

On the other hand, you sound a bit inflexible yourself.
If this was a 2nd date, you seemed to have decided in advance to go home and eat by yourself, rather than being open to spending longer than an afternoon together.

It's also a bit unusual to be so short of funds that you're dating and not able to buy a cheap supper together.

Did you set expectations before you met?
Did you say you just wanted a drink and you'd be going home for your dinner?

If you're short of cash I think you need to make it very clear when you're dating that you can't afford eating out or to pay for the other person.

Women don't expect men to pay BUT if you're short of cash and can't afford to eat out at all (just paying for your own meal) that's kind of limiting what you'll do with someone isn't it?

Edited- you're a gay woman so the expectation of the man paying for dates (which can happen) doesn't apply here I assume.

Dealers do not stay in business for “years and years”, IME. And they change their phone numbers often.

She has current connections to dealers in your town. And has booked a hotel room for a few hours during the daytime. That is either county lines or escorting.

They aren’t a man though.

We had a vid chat one weekend between dates when she showed me her tiny but cute scandi minimalist one bedroom she claimed to share with a roomate

Are you sure it wasn’t another hotel room or an Airbnb?

Oh sorry cross post

She sounds like a stone cold weirdo. Make sure you block her!

God, how depressing!