Date wanted me to buy her coke

[MixtapeEssential]

I went on a second date with a woman, the first date had been good, no issues at all.

We arranged to go for a drink, she insisted on buying me a beer since I had picked up the the tab on our first date.

All was going well, we had a couple of afternoon drinks and strolled around chatting. After a little while, my date said she was hungry and shall we stop for something to eat. I told her I didn’t want to spoil my dinner but was happy to order a little starter and sit with her while she ate.

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table. I was a little suprised and put on the spot. I may have been alright with that at one point in time, but I was currently short on funds myself.

I told her quietly and discreetly let’s go for a walk, and explained that I had dinner waiting for me and preferred to eat there due to being short on funds, but that I knew a very good quality tasty food truck close by where she could pick up something. She declined.

We continued chatting nicely and strolling for a few minutes, at which point she sat down on a bench and asked me if I wanted to do some “gear”. I told her I wasn’t into that but she was welcome to if she really felt like it.
She got her phone out and began texting her “connection”, asking if that was alright. I told her sure, but I thought she didn’t have any money. She quietly put her phone away looking disappointed.

At this point I just wanted to go home, and told her so, she appeared very excited and said she wanted to come with me, I told her that wasn’t possible.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

I hugged her goodbye and left.

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now? I have been out of the dating game for a while.

She was otherwise very nice, very attractive, and didn’t look like a drug addict at all, I know that lots of people use coke recreationally without being addicts.

I don't know what it is but on a thread the other week about whether the guy should always pay on a date, there was a (different) poster who kept banging this sort of message out all the way through, as though they 100% believed it meant women should never pay.

Bizarre.

The world abounds in cons. It is so demoralising. And in an instant, just a day out with one dodgy fucker, you can lose your trust in people for years. Hope you're ok, OP. Be careful out there. Maybe take a breather from dating apps and just regroup. It's a bit of a headfuck of a date. Personally, if you want my honest opinion, I've been living in the UK for 30 years and I'm 52 now. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of the population fucks around with coke and the rest. I feel like most people I deal with are deceptive, overgrown Artful Dodgers without the cuteness and the musical numbers.

She was very attractive, but as far as I know, women don’t commonly pay for sex, not even gay women. The likelihood of that happening without open agreement must be miniscule.

Why not just date men in that case if all she wants is a free lunch and a bigger possibility of paid for sex.

I did have the sense she could very well be bisexual.

Sounds like you acted pretty sensibly- she may well have robbed you if you'd gone back to the hotel. I'd just write this one off as a bad experience.

It wasn’t clear initially but yeah I think that poster wasn’t being serious and I bets their initial response will be used as “proof” by someone that people answer differently based on gender, when actually everyone would agree Op wasn’t BU regardless 🙄

Op., you’re well rid of this woman and sounds like she was running some kind of scam. I’m very anti-drugs so if someone mentioned coke I’d have grabbed my stuff and left immediately.

Is it possible that she is some sort of sex worker (PT if she has another job)?
Where she expected you to supply food/drugs/drink in return for sex?
Or is that just dating now ? (I am old)

Run for the hills!

We had a vid chat one weekend between dates when she showed me her tiny but cute scandi minimalist one bedroom she claimed to share with a roomate.

The other two times we chatted, it was in the evening and she was in a bar with her laptop. She said it was a nicer environment to finish her work for her other part time job and she didn’t want her roomate overhearing her dating life.

I disagree with everything you have said here. “Assumed misogyny to make reparations for”?! Christ.

Hotel says to me escort. She might have had a trick lined up for the night and paid for the hotel in advance knowing it would be reimbursed later on that night by whatever money she made.

I’d disregard it.

That poster said : “I was being sarcastic/goady/a twat (depending on your POV) for a bit of divilment”

If she were county lines, surely she wouldn’t need me paying for her drugs, I would assume she’d have a little money at least and very easy access to drugs.

An escort surely would be able to afford lunch, too?

Most sex workers are drug addicts.

They do it to get money to buy drugs.

If she can get drugs (and a meal) for free without the sex, then she’s winning.
A woman is a safer bet too.

She most likely does this to men too and they would more likely buy her stuff, hoping to get sex at the end of it.

It’s a much easier and safer way of doing it than being a sex worker.

Ew. Stay away

You are giving this a lot of headspace. I'm assuming you're a man? Because, honestly if you were a woman you'd not have enough hours in the day to reflect at this length everytime your date ended up being a wrong 'un. It happens to women ALL the time. Why on earth does it matter if a random woman you'll never have to see again makes a habit of asking men to pay for stuff for her?

Personally, if you want my honest opinion, I've been living in the UK for 30 years and I'm 52 now. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of the population fucks around with coke and the rest. I feel like most people I deal with are deceptive, overgrown Artful Dodgers without the cuteness and the musical numbers.

It must differ widely based on the people you know and surround yourself with. I definitely wouldn’t say a majority of adults are taking Coke.

I had a few coke heads in my wider social circle in my 20s but it was generally not socially acceptable among my immediate friendship circle even then . We actually had a bit of a prank we would pull where we used to tell anyone in clubs who offered us coke that we were undercover police and they’d scarper quickly. I no longer have any drug users in even my wider Circle except some weed users which I don’t count.

Most of my friends don’t even smoke cigarettes, or get drunk regularly and I know they’re certainly not taking coke. I can’t see any of my colleagues doing it either although of course you never know, since I’m not as close to them as my friends and don’t hang out with them socially.

If she lived >1 hour away but had booked a hotel room there may have been someone else there waiting to rob you. My imagination might be running wild but the hotel room seems weird to me. Unless people use hotels for hook ups rather than revealing where they live???

Run for the hills.

Buttermilky

I live in London. I don't socialise with cokeheads. You only need to live here and you're surrounded by them! And I think a lot of parents who came of age in the 90s, my generation really, still use it a lot. It's pretty evident. That said, I've never touched the stuff. Not once. My kids don't believe me.

Also, my generation was swimming in coke. I'm not sure what age you are but honestly, I am from the neurologically impaired generation courtesy of how much coke mine did!

This person is trouble, Have nothing more to do with her. That's my advice.

I suppose I felt a bit sorry for her and wanted to extricate myself gently rather than turning heel and running.

I knew quite early on in the date I would never see her again, I saw nothing wrong with doing that gently.

I did wonder if she was setting me up by making a great show of buying me my first beer.

She did say, after I said no to the coke, that she knew I was going to be a nice person when I bought her a cocktail on arrival on our first date.
She told me she liked my refreshing “innocence”.
I suppose that’s her speak for “mug” or “easy mark”. Explains why she kept trying.

I honestly didn’t think any reasonable person would have the cheek to try this sort of stuff more than once.

Then she texted me she was suprised I left so early and was I upset with her about something.

Do you intend to continue engaging with her? Best block and move on. Clearly an unstable and quite disturbed person.

If they’re comfortable to do that on a second date who knows what they’ll have up their sleeve later?

And yeah I think they did see you as a a soft touch who could be manipulated /scammed.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

This is the only bit I don't understand.

By this point, she'd made it obvious twice that she had no money, so why agree to go for a drink?

Did you honestly think she was going to pay for it???

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table

Sit at the window so she can run off without paying ......?.

I’m sorry this happens to you all the time, but it’s quite a shocking event for me.