Date wanted me to buy her coke

[MixtapeEssential]

I went on a second date with a woman, the first date had been good, no issues at all.

We arranged to go for a drink, she insisted on buying me a beer since I had picked up the the tab on our first date.

All was going well, we had a couple of afternoon drinks and strolled around chatting. After a little while, my date said she was hungry and shall we stop for something to eat. I told her I didn’t want to spoil my dinner but was happy to order a little starter and sit with her while she ate.

She picked a very smart place. While we were were waiting for our table, she told me she didn’t have any money but was it alright to sit and eat at the window table. I was a little suprised and put on the spot. I may have been alright with that at one point in time, but I was currently short on funds myself.

I told her quietly and discreetly let’s go for a walk, and explained that I had dinner waiting for me and preferred to eat there due to being short on funds, but that I knew a very good quality tasty food truck close by where she could pick up something. She declined.

We continued chatting nicely and strolling for a few minutes, at which point she sat down on a bench and asked me if I wanted to do some “gear”. I told her I wasn’t into that but she was welcome to if she really felt like it.
She got her phone out and began texting her “connection”, asking if that was alright. I told her sure, but I thought she didn’t have any money. She quietly put her phone away looking disappointed.

At this point I just wanted to go home, and told her so, she appeared very excited and said she wanted to come with me, I told her that wasn’t possible.

On the way to the station, we passed a really buzzing place and she wanted to go in for a quick drink.
Being thirsty myself at this point, I agreed, we waited at the door to be let in, at which point, she again said, but I have no money.

I hugged her goodbye and left.

Was I being unreasonable? Is this all quite common now? I have been out of the dating game for a while.

She was otherwise very nice, very attractive, and didn’t look like a drug addict at all, I know that lots of people use coke recreationally without being addicts.

I was initially open to dinner and a longer evening if things were going well.
I could have covered splitting a nice meal out. However, I had paid for a meal and drinks on our previous date, why should I be expected to pay the entire tab again?

I could have even stretched to covering us both, but she was not the right person for this.

I opted out of eating because I could tell something was off and I didn’t want to see her again or be there for a long time.
The previous agreement was to go for drinks, there was no prior understanding we would be eating, we met at 3pm.

Obviously I wouldn’t have gone out on a date I couldn’t afford, my unwillingness was due to the off-ness and the con artistry.

How old are you?

She’s clearly an addict and addicted to excitement which is a trait.
Lucky escape on your part.

Very astute. And she whipped that number out very quickly, as quickly as you would get into an ongoing WhatsApp conversation.

Actually, it could have very easily been an Airbnb, she said without prompting that it had no storage space and she’d had to put most of her possessions in storage. And she mentioned going to another city quite a lot to “care for sick relatives”.

Don’t people in county lines and escorting get paid enough money to feed themselves? She’s obviously not a modern slavery victim, since she was free to go on dates.

She probably had money just didn't want to spend it as she thought she could mug you for it instead!

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You were not unreasonable in leaving but I feel it’s unusual to not have any money on a date… for either of you, I personally feel if short on funds = don’t date and that’s for both parties

I would run a mile @MixtapeEssential .

She's a prostitute I'm guessing...

This is the sort of scam my ex neighbour would pull. I doubt she'd even paid for the hotel room or had a room.

Run!

Wanting to do coke in the daytime on a second date isn't normal. That would be the time to cut loose

I opted out of eating because I could tell something was off and I didn’t want to see her again or be there for a long time.

That's why wanting to go for a drink with her because you were thirsty on the way to the station, was a big mistake.

You should've just grabbed one from the station.

Or one of the Teams backgrounds I was thinking - they are v scandi minimalist and v convincing!

This deffo sounds like a long con to me. As others have said, way for her to get free drinks, meal and coke without having to have sex with a man. I think many desperate women would prefer that to outright prostitution. Its actually quite clever to pick up women on lesbian dataing apps like that. She then saves her money for rent or clothese or whatever. Ok not all women will fall for it like you didn't OP but some will do and if she sould potentially be doing this 6/7 nights a week.

Try not to judge too harshly, there is no doubt a male pimp involved somewhere.

Kind of weird she unmatched you though if planning a long con type of thing. Did you reply to the text? Has she contacted you since?

This is unsettling and disconcerting, i would be too.

I am out of the dating game and never used apps etc but on a first date I would expect to go halves, or at least buy him/her a few drinks if they paid for the meal - is it normal nowadays that you paid for the first meal AND drinks the first time?

that would be a nope for me.

I think someone you’re on a date with asking you to score drugs is a pretty big deal.

I assume you get this all of the time to think nothing of it but most people don’t.

If anything, its weirder to do it to a man because of the safety aspect. Its one thing expecting the man to pay on the first date (that's a huge debate on its own.) But meeting a man for the first time, asking them to buy you drugs for you to take with them and then taking them back to your hotel room. That's not just cheeky - its insane behaviour unless you are an actual junky. You wouldn't even know if what they got for you was cocaine.

And yes NAMALT. But its behaviour that kind of filters out most of the good guys and leave the dodgiest behind.

Thinking about it, its not particularly safe behaviour with a woman either. So YANBU - not just because of the cost/not being taken advantage of, but because you clearly dodged someone who was crazy or a drug addict or both.

@MixtapeEssential, is it possible she was a sex worker? If you had gone back to her hotel, I’m thinking you might have gotten a hefty bill after.

I don't get it all the time, no. I'm in a relationship. However, that doesn't mean I'm uniformed about the things women encounter on OLD. Many of which make trying to score drugs seem mild by comparison.

I misread this and had visions of her sitting with a can of Cola.

@MixtapeEssential just because someone seems “free to go on dates” doesn’t mean they can’t be in modern slavery situation. If they don’t return to their pimp within a certain timeframe and with a certain amount of money, there are may be consequences to the victim’s family, children etc. The pimps are also keeping tabs on the victims when they are out. It could be watching from a distance, tracking location, having others (like the dealer) confirm things etc.

But that doesn’t make OPs experience any less.

Just because other women have had shitty experiences, doesn’t take away from the fact that OP had a shitty date too.

She is new to the dating scene and has rightly so been taken back by the attitude of someone who she thought was looking for the same things as her.

Its not a competition.
OP had a crap date (yes there are plenty of men and women who’ve had worse) but it’s ok to vent about it and ask if this is what she should expect in the future.

Of course it's fine to vent. But the OP is asking for links to threads where people encountered similar to see if it's the same woman, plus a lot of speculation about her motives. When unfortunately there are a great many undesirables out there, and its 'not you it's them', so no point in getting overlly preoccupied with the back story or motivation of any of them. You'll never know for one thing.