Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

No I'm not!😭😭😭🤧🤧🤧

I would second all of the opinions here. I would politely explain to him that it doesn't sit right with you as it sounds as if it would be illegal. I'm not even sure how it would work....is he asking you to pay for his insurance and be the main driver yourself and add him as a named driver? If this is the case, as others have said, the insurance company would surely charge YOU a fortune because of his driving history? And this is not fair to you. Do you have your own car? If so, would this mean that you would be having to pay for two lots of insurance? And has he asked how long he would like you to do this for? I really don't think it's a good idea; just reading this has made me feel uncomfortable because you sound nice a really nice person and you don't want to be taken for a ride (if you'll pardon the pun). Even if he is well intentioned and loves you, he shouldn't be putting you in this awkward position. If it is illegal, he could be getting you into a lot of trouble. Please be careful!

He’ll be banned from driving soon enough so I wouldn’t worry about his insurance. If he thinks it’s expensive now, wait until he tries to renew it after being disqualified. Ha ha! What a fucking loser. I wouldn’t touch a guy like this with a barge pole. He’ll be needing lifts to pick up his child from the posh private school that he can’t actually afford.

He sounds like a real Walter Mitty.

He is lying to you @CrossingBoundaries007
The more you post about him the more it doesn't add up. The loan request would be the final straw for me.

I'm not surprised he is divorced. His ex saw sense and kicked him out.

He’s asked you to take out a loan and now car insurance fraudently. What next - pay the school fees, his rent? Will he find himself homeless and want to move in?

Don’t you want a relationship to ENHANCE your life rather than give you additional stress? I think you can do much better than this man. Life will be much less stressful without him in it if you ask me…

run as fast as you can

I'd put money on him not realising that, if I were ever inclined to gamble.

I've known many people like him. Well meaning and full of good intentions, but never think things through; impulsive. A dreamer.

Obviously he is someone who might seriously put the OP at risk, and she needs to not put herself on the line. It just doesn't sound deliberate or malicious, though.

Keep the relationship casual.
If anything, you could refuse to lend him anymore, say that he needs to sort out his finances and you could gift him a one off part payment of his yearly car insurance - never to be repeated - on the understanding that he will sort out his finances with his ex even if it means that the child needs to swap schools.
If the one chance fails, leave the relationship for good.

Bloody hell!

So he asks you to take a loan out for him, he asks you to put him on your car insurance, you’ve broken up multiple times and he’s at risk of completely losing his license and home - yet has a child in private school.

OP you are being taken for an absolute mug!!

Next thing he will be homeless and guilt trip you into letting him live at yours and then using your car.

You have to end this once and for all, before he moves himself in and you’re too nice to say no.

How can you be a single parent and afford your bills, yet this man can’t.
As a single parent, a partner should be helping you, not leaving you short of cash which could be spent on your on kids.

Its laughable that his kid is in private school and yet he’s using a single mother to help pay his bills.

Run for the bills OP.
This will only get worse.

Then maybe it's time to think about why you keep taking him back. It sounds like you have your own issues. When you say you couldn't find anyone else you liked, what you are actually saying about yourself is that you think this is the best you can get, that you don't deserve any better. That's not healthy. Look into the Freedom Program, it could be the best £15 you ever spend. If you were stronger if yourself you would not be drawn to men like this. He isn't going to bring you future happiness because he's too financially tangled and another woman's life. You deserve better.

I've known him for a couple of years and it was never this bad he's paid for all his bills without issues (including bent) but it's just recently that shits hit the fan

More likely it's "just recently", having put up with him for a couple of years and keeping on taking him back, that he's worked out you're good for ongoing requests

Give him his due though, he's inventive ... the loan request didn't work out and you haven't let him move in (so far) so he keeps thinking of something else

I'd agree but people like him do seek out people they can utilise as a resource. In this case a financial resource. OP has been lending him money and doesn't see a problem with that because he paid it back, but that was just the softener so that if he asked in future fir her to take out a loan there's more chance she will think ok, well he paid it back before so why not. Or likewise with the insurance, because he paid her back before in his mind she's less likely to see it as a problem. Even if she refuses it was still worth asking.

much older than you think... thanks for the harsh honesty... I needed to hear it. I've ended the relationship several times because of my concerns but he always comes back and I haven't found anyone else who I like

This stood out to me. You haven't found anyone else who you like. That doesn't mean you have to put up with dross like this.
@CrossingBoundaries007 I presume you like and love your child. And you should like and love yourself.
And that like and love must come before anything else.
You don't have to "find anyone else who you like" because you have yourself and your child.
I know it's lovely to have a wonderful partner whom you like and love and likes and loves you back. But that doesn't mean you put up with any old crap just because you can't find anyone else.

Please concentrate on loving yourself. I'm absolutely sure you love your child and do wonderful things with them. But maybe you don't love and like yourself enough. Do wonderful things just for you. Love yourself. Spend time with yourself. Plan things just for you.
And then once you are happy in and with yourself you can move forward - that might be dating again (decent people only) or it might be saying hey, I love being single and having this great life I've created for myself so I don't want anyone else.

These hobosexual types make a beeline for people who haven't got the best self-esteem or maybe aren't secure in themselves for whatever reason. They know they can manipulate people like that.

OP, say NO to this car insurance thing. And absolutely NO to any hints about moving in with you - because that will be the next thing when he can't pay his rent. Oh, darling, it's just for a few weeks until I get back on my feet, the nasty landlord's kicking me out. And then he's in, feet under the table, in your and your child's home. You end up paying for everything. He then sinks into depression (he says) and can't work anymore. His business goes tits up. And he's too comfortable living at your expense to bother about looking for a job. Once you start making noises about him getting a job he'll squeal mental health at you to make you back off.
Textbook hobosexual behaviour.

I despair at you!

Your self esteem must be on the floor to keep going back to this pathetic loser, broke and asking for handouts, yet simultaneously paying for expenses he can’t afford.

What’s wrong with you???
You have your own child to look after too??

Dump him.
Block him.
Never, ever go back to him. Don’t talk to him again. Don’t go back for another round of rebound sex (I can’t imagine what else has got you so hooked on this pond scum!)

Life is too short. Run like the wind.

Yep!

All of a sudden he can’t pay his car insurance or rent.

If OP says no then he’ll act like he can’t get to work or has no where to live.

No wonder he keeps trying to worm his way back in.

OP has been lending him money ...

I was about to mention OP said she'd refused a loan request, but it seems that was just the latest one - which, having got money before, was probably higher than the ones before

No wonder he's becoming inventive ...

Because he appears to be a bottomless moneypit who cannot fund his own life, and if you become entangled with him, he is likely to drag you down with him.

“I've ended the relationship several times because of my concerns but he always comes back and I haven't found anyone else who I like 😢”

This statement leaps out at me. It sounds like you feel you need to be in a relationship, any relationship, in order to feel “complete”. Please end this relationship now before he bleeds you dry, and then consider staying single for a while whilst you look at your boundaries and why you feel you need to be with a man in order to feel fulfilled.

Solidarity here on the single mum front OP. 👊🏼 Iv stayed this way nearly 5 years now after a string of awful relationships and I feel much lighter & better & content as a result. This man you describe is making all the right noises purposefully to reel you in (affection, helping round the house) but is an absolute sponger!! A walking red flag, an incredibly irresponsible person. Im actually not sure I’d believe he’s paying the full rent for ex as not only is that bizarre but it’s also highly unlikely with his financial track record. He’s made it up as an excuse for his skintness! To try and look like a good doting dad whose money is being all zapped up for his kids!! (Nah). Even if it’s true that in itself is financially irresponsible!

I could not be doing with a man asking me for money, it’s not even a one off is it? It’s lame and unattractive at best. It’s worrying and dangerous ground at worst. And it will only get worse. I get it’s hard when there are things you like about someone but on balance this relationship is a terrible idea for you & dc! And I believe you know it really. You’ll be proud of yourself for ending it because it’s not easy, I know that-but you can do this! Xxx

And because you are a single mum, don't do anything which might impact your own children.
You have split with him for good reason - stay split. It is actually okay to be single until/unless you find someone who ticks every box.

I wouldn't agree to this OP, would be like stepping in quick sand. He shouldn't even be asking you to do this. There's a reason you're having doubts about him and if you don't end it soon, your future is going to be filled with sleepless nights at best.

Well it is rare that there is consensus on the internet. Everyone with different backgrounds and circumstances are all saying this is a terrible idea.

He is a leach and will suck you dry if you let him. Shoo him along and he will find someone else to latch onto. He did the lovebombing stage and spent money he didn't have on you instead of paying down his debts. Now he has you hooked, he has moved on to the taking everything he can stage. You are better than this, focus on your own child.

OP do not marry him. Or even get further into a relationship with him. I would bet my last pot of face cream that his 'good' points would disappear as soon as he thought he'd got you trapped.

Exactly, don't do it. In the industry it's called Fronting and if found out would cause issues with your ability to obtain insurance in the future.