Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

OMG can't believe how you are being taken in by this scrounging spendthrift cocklodger-in-waiting. At the very best (and I'm being generous here) he is hopeless with money, deluded about what he can afford and a crap driver. Splashing out on a luxury like private school when he can't pay his essential bills like rent and car insurance is absolutely nuts! Driving like a maniac and getting multiple points when being able to drive is essential for work, also nuts!

More likely he is just plain old selfish, careless, greedy and out for what he can get. I don't think I believe he pays his ex's rent as well as his own. Surely she'd be entitled to at least some universal credit if she doesn't work/has a low income?

He earns more than you but taps you up for loans and other financial favours!?! Of course he seems "lovely" and "generous" (in small flashy ways I bet) because he has to keep you in the hook somehow.

I'm not even sure what he means by putting his car on your insurance? Do you already have a car and insurance policy? I'm not sure you can add another unless you buy expensive fleet insurance or a second policy. Both those would be ££££. How is he going to pay if he can't afford normal insurance? Is he just expecting you to shell out when he decides he can't afford it?

Either way if the car is insured on "your" insurance you will be pretending it's your car and you are the main driver which would be a lie and insurance fraud. You could get into serious trouble and the insurance would be invalid anyway. Plus as other posters have said, his poor driving will be linked to your insurance risk and force your own premiums up perhaps forever.

Say no to the insurance.
Say no to lending any more money.
Don't live with him (he will leech off you and ruin your credit rating).
Don't marry him. (As above plus he will be entitled to half your assets.)
I'd give him the elbow asap to be honest.

Precisely, it’s a well-known tactic for young drivers trying to get their premiums down - get mum/dad to take out the insurance with child as a named driver - and totally fraudulent.

He’ll be using OP as a free driver before long, ferry him around everywhere and pay for the privilege!
🙄😵‍💫

He sounds incredibly reckless to be honest. He should quit the private school and say he can’t pay or end it before the new term! I wouldn’t link myself with someone so stupid with money it will effect you and you DC in the long run!! Run and don’t look back sounds like an ex boyf of mine lol I got the trainers on and ran. It’s really not fair on you it’s like to hell with your relationship where is your future with him? He’s focusing on his ex partner too much.

Im not at all surprised he wants to marry you…course he does!! 🫰🏼💰💰💰💰

There is a known con.
I borrow £20 off you. Paid back next day.
Month later I borrow £100 for a week. Paid back on the dot.
£500 Paid back in 2 days as pay day....
I get you to do a 10k loan, in your name. You never see me again....

I don't believe he has a child in private education. He sounds like a con man playing the long game.

That sums it up nicely

And it might be wise, @CrossingBoundaries007 to think carefully before being in any more relationships.
He is not a good'un

A good point. Have you ever met the child, ever seen him in school uniform?

He does not learn does he. 12 points on his licence. He is irresponsible and constantly speeding. Do not pit him on your insurance.

Yup, I've seen the child in the school uniform, googled the school to check out the fees just to be sure. It all checks out.

Exactly! You're subsidising his child's private education but your child gets a state education (nothing wrong with that, it's just an odd inequality).

He sounds like a fuckwit. Don’t commit insurance fraud just to save him money.

It’s quite rare that everyone agrees with the OP but you’ve managed it, @CrossingBoundaries007

Anyone who suggests committing car insurance fraud or asks a single parent to take out a loan for them is a piece of scum. I strongly advise you to end the relationship and stay single until your DC has grown up.

Thank you all for all your responses and helping me see that I'm not a mean person or "unreasonable" by refusing to agree to this.

Man's a walking disaster area. If you were my DD I'd be advising you to dump him ASAP before the real financial disasters start and you're now legally linked to them.

I'm glad you are listening. Please take the advice on here and put you and your DC first.

The way this poor excuse of a man treats you like a bottomless purse is not how a decent man behaves.

He got a lot of those points on his license after he met you. So he's got worse rather than better. It's all downhill from here.

I'm back again. I think the real test of this is to say no and see how he reacts. That will tell you all you need to know. If he says oh of course, it doesn't matter, instead I will go to the Citizens' Advice and ask what to do, then this will sound kind of reasonable. But if he strops and says you are being unfair etc. then you have your answer of what he's really like and what his intentions are. I have been in a situation recently where my in-laws have asked me to give them my car. Not for them to buy it from me, but just to let them have it. I am a people pleaser and I said no, which I found really hard to do. Their reaction taught me all I needed to know about what sort of people they actually are. They have become very angry and obsessive about it and now won't talk to me, despite back tracking and saying it was "only a suggestion". I think some people show you their true colours when you don't want to go along with their plans. How did he react when you said no to taking a loan out for him?

Your right none of it adds up.

Why would anyone prioritise private school over their own house,surely you'd invest in property before private schooling?

THANK YOU!

I swear, if he had discussed the private school thing with me I would have suggested he apply for bursary or go for an excellent state school even if it means joining a waiting list and invest the money in getting himself out of debt and on to the property ladder since I know he wants to buy a home.

Very true! One of those times when I lent him money and reminded him I needed it after the time he had promised to pay it back had passed he said all manner of things to me and I was furious but forgave him.

Is the kid in private school on a scholarship or something? You said he was bright... that's how I got into private school...

Nice bit of leverage and emotional blackmail if he pretends he's 'paying school fees' when actually he isn't...

What were the things he said to you when you asked him to (quite rightly) repay you?
This sounds like a huge red flag - people who get angry and indignant when asked to pay what they owe are hugely entitled. They think they deserve your money more than you do, even though you earned it!

@CrossingBoundaries007

Thank you for your reply. You sound like a nice, helpful, easy going person. I have learnt to my cost that I have been a doormat for years for certain types of pushy people, and this particular incident has shown me their true colours and it's very upsetting. I'm not saying you are like this at all! Just wanted to share my recent experience as it has taught me so much about human beahviour! When you say he said all manner of things to you, do you mean he was rude? I hope not. Just be careful and please don't be pressurised into doing something you don't want to. Sending best wishes.