Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

Please just end this.

Put your own child first-he is! He makes poor financial decisions without discussing them or their impact with you. He doesn’t respect your thoughts.

get some counselling and sort your self esteem out-work out why you think that this guy is a prince, when he is a pauper. Of course he’s nice to you-he wants you to subsidise his lifestyle choices. Get out before he really fucks you, your finances and your child over.

So what is he doing to actually take responsibility for his own financial problems? Because it sounds like he;'s expecting you to pick up the pieces. If he cannot afford to put a child through private school, that has to go. If he cannot afford to pay full rent for his house AND the house where his ex and children live, that has to be reduced somehow. Either way, if you allow him to bury his head in the sand by bailing him out, you're not helping him in any way. Plus you're only going to get more and more requests like it as time goes on, because this situation doesn't look like it's going to get any better.

His life is a mess and he wants to drag you into it so your life is one as well.

Ok divorce is hard and business can be hard. But why the fuck has he run up so many points on his licence? We all might nod over the speed limit now and then, but 12 points is way beyond that.

He's a bad driver (who is not permitted to drive) and wants you to insure him. Why would you do that?

How long have you been together?
How long will he be paying his ex’s rent for?
Anyone with 12 points about to be banned for totting up is really stupid and reckless. Does he realise that chances are he will be banned? They might take pity on him but it has to be exceptional.
Anyone who puts their child in private school when they cannot comfortably afford it is also stupid and reckless. He will need to put his son back in state school - maybe spend some of the savings on a tutor. Also what sort of parent sends only one child out of three private?
Anyone who asks their partner to take over the insurance on their car is a bit of a user.
He needs to come to an arrangement with the ex about the rent because he can’t be paying for her property and one of his own long term.

He needs a wake up call. It will probably come with the impending driving ban.

Some really wise posts given to you here Op, from years of experience.
He may seem a nice guy but he's not if he's asked you to lend him money and to commit fraud for him!
Are you a rescuer type?
Do you feel good helping others but by doing so put yourself at a disadvantage?
You're posting for advice, please listen to your instinct and don't be a mother to this man, any respect you have for him will wear away.

And he wants you to be generous towards him with your money now?
Uggh. He sounds like he’s worming his way into using you as a money bank.
Run.

Also did you say to him “ah well you will have to stop with the private school”? Because that is absolutely what he needs to do if he can’t pay his car insurance ffs. The fucking cheek of him, forking out for a fancy school he can’t afford and then asking you to sub his insurance for him. No kid needs to be in private school. So what if his DS is bright? So are loads of other kids in the state sector. Doesn’t mean they are super special and can’t attend a normal school (with the thick plebs).

Have you ever said no to his requests op?

I still don't understand what his plan is with the education. Who's choice was that? What about the other 2 children? If he can't afford his own rent and insurance how will he pay private fees for his other 2 children? Clearly his spending is not sustainable. I've honestly never heard of anyone so financially enmeshed with an ex. Even a court wouldn't expect this much financial involvement.He can't be paying maintenance if he's paying all this other non essential stuff. It's bizarre how he continues making further financial commitments to his ex without OPs knowledge, then expects her to subsidise him because he can't afford his ex wifes lavish lifestyle.

Forget the debts, points on licence, cancelled car tax, three kids ex wife baggage this person drags behind him to your door. The most important sentence in your post is the last one.

You are a single parent.

So sit yourself down for a minute and think about who is the most important person in your life, who do you need to be protecting, who should come first in every decision you make.

There, that wasn’t hard was it?

Yes I have said no, a few weeks back he asked me to take a loan so he could sort out some things and he would be servicing it. I said NO! 😊

LOL

No

I mentioned that his ex didn't even know about him applying to the private school for the son but I guess she just accepted it since she wasn't the one paying. I don't think he plans to send the others to private school. He said he did it cos he passed 11+ but wasn't offered a place due to catchment.

Don't do it.
Don't get pregnant.
Don't move him in.
Don't marry him.

Jesus Christ! He's asking you to take out loans for him too? Why are you even with this man??

The more information you share the worse he sounds.
He really could drag you down with him if you do not become more wary.
I would walk away whilst I still could, if I were you.

No it wasn't that hard, thanks ❤️

I think you need some distance between him and you. I think he will keep asking until in a weak moment you say yes.

There is a national shortage of trades people so he shouldn't be short of work.

All of this. I’d call red flags on the whole relationship really, but I’d certainly say no to putting him on your insurance.

Good for you, how did he react?
Don't you find it annoying that he's already come back to ask for another favour?

He seems to just take and take from you op.

If the insurance is in your name you have to be the main driver, if he's the main driver it has to be in his name or it will be invalid. You would be deliberately fronting his insurance to get a cheaper quote that he cannot get because of his terrible driving.

You’re being completely unreasonable if you DO pay! It looks like he hasn’t got his shit in a sock and he’s making it your problem with his poor life choices. Once you invest in his poor choices you start owning the consequences too.

If you’re prepared to go into debt, struggle to pay for your child’s expenses, perhaps obtain a poor credit rating yourself - along with the stress that’ll contain - fill your boots - bail your bf out.

You absolutely need to say no. And keep him at arms length. The fact that he is chaotic and impulsive with money (and clearly with other things too eg speeding) make it a generally bad idea for you to entangle your life with his. So keeping yourselves fully separate financially is vital. No harm having fun with him if you like him. Make absolutely certain you won't conceive a child to him (double up contraception) and don't ever consider living together. If you entangle closer your own child will be the first victim of the chaos that descends.

This man makes poor decisions.

He pays his ex wife’s rent which means he can’t pay his own = poor decision.

He puts one of his children in a private school he can’t afford = poor decision.

He hasn’t paid his car insurance so he’s now driving around without insurance = poor decision.

He has almost lost his license due to speeding - even though he needs his license for his job = many poor decisions.

His solution is that you put his insurance under your name and you pay the insurance. WTF?!

My understanding of insurance is if a person is doing something reckless or illegal and they cause an accident the insurance won’t pay anyway. But why would you pay insurance for someone who is reckless in a car and speeds? Your premiums will go through the roof if he causes an accident!

You would be very very silly to even consider this. Personally, I don’t think he’s paying his ex’s rent - I think he’s not earning the money to sustain himself or he’s gambling. He should be paying child support though.

You need to say no. This is highly inappropriate.

If he's asking you to insure the car in your name, so that he can get a cheaper premium having previously had insurance cancelled, and you/he don't plan to tell the insurance company that he has insurance cancelled then that's fraud- it's misrepresentation. You can't insure a vehicle you have no financial interest in in your name.

You also do not want your insurance record associated with someone who has had insurance cancelled. There's an excellent chance that it will cause your premiums to increase and if the insurance company finds out and cancels the new insurance, you'll have committed fraud too for fronting the policy for him.

God knows why you're wasting your life with this loser.