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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

441 replies

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 04:52

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 21/06/2024 13:06

He's a walking list of bad decisions and I could guarantee that if you continue to say no to lending him money or engaging in dodgy stuff to help him out, he will disappear.

For the love of God, don't let him move in with you.

Shade17 · 21/06/2024 13:13

You cannot have him on your insurance as a named driver to get cheeper insurance when he is the owner of the vehicle and he is the main user. It's insurance fraud.

No, but the OP could be the policy holder with DP named as the main driver, however with his driving history I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with it.

Choochoo21 · 21/06/2024 13:14

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 12:44

Very true! One of those times when I lent him money and reminded him I needed it after the time he had promised to pay it back had passed he said all manner of things to me and I was furious but forgave him.

Why are you, a single parent, lending money to a man who has a child in private school!!

Its absolute madness that you would rather give this man your money to help him send his kid to private school, rather than spend it on your own kids.

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 13:15

Runki · 21/06/2024 12:52

@CrossingBoundaries007

Thank you for your reply. You sound like a nice, helpful, easy going person. I have learnt to my cost that I have been a doormat for years for certain types of pushy people, and this particular incident has shown me their true colours and it's very upsetting. I'm not saying you are like this at all! Just wanted to share my recent experience as it has taught me so much about human beahviour! When you say he said all manner of things to you, do you mean he was rude? I hope not. Just be careful and please don't be pressurised into doing something you don't want to. Sending best wishes.

Edited

He was so rude telling me I was t being a supportive partner, even insulted me in the process. I just regretted that I had even lent him the money in the first place.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/06/2024 13:18

He was so rude telling me I was t being a supportive partner, even insulted me in the process.

He doesn't see you as his partner. He sees you as his banker. He is telling you who he is.

Every time you post about him he sounds even worse.

Mintyt · 21/06/2024 13:24

I work in insurance, if you insure him in your name would you be saying that you drive it the most and he's the named driver. That's fraud. If you insure him in your name and he is the main driver, you should not be able to as you don't own the car. The car is not parked overnight at your address and you have no insurable interest in the car. If you insure in your name and all correct and above board you will be liable for his debt. If he is cancelled or voided it's in your name so will long term affect you. Don't do it and re think your relationship

TomatoSandwiches · 21/06/2024 13:26

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 13:15

He was so rude telling me I was t being a supportive partner, even insulted me in the process. I just regretted that I had even lent him the money in the first place.

Being supportive to him means him taking any and all resources he can wheedle out of you, he isn't reciprocating is he so how is he a partner?

You need to get rid, he doesn't love you he just loves what he can get out of you.

You deserve much better.

Runki · 21/06/2024 13:30

@CrossingBoundaries007I'm really sorry he was rude to you. That's awful. Can I ask if you have said you'll think about the insurance or have you just left it? Has he been badgering you about it? You are a supportive partner and he had no right to insult you. I actually think it is he who is not supporting you and somewhere in his head he is turning it round and putting it back on you. I really hope he doesn't push you into doing this for him. If anything, as so many others have said, it would be illegal and could get you into a lot of trouble in the future. He could be out of your life one day and you might be left with his legacy of his dangerous driving connected to your car insurance. Take care.

Daleksatemyshed · 21/06/2024 13:33

So you've already had a taste of the future then Op. You lent him money and he gets nasty when you ask for it back. Time to face facts and dump him again, this time don't let him come back. Blocking him on everything would be a smart move

murasaki · 21/06/2024 13:40

Apparently purse is a metaphor for vagina, dating back to the 17th century.

You need to deny him access to all of your purses.

FrankTheDog · 21/06/2024 13:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 21/06/2024 13:43

I wouldn't mention any of the money stuff when you dump him. (For the love of God please say its WHEN not IF) sounds like he could get really nasty and kindly, you sound like he could talk you into giving him another chance.
You don't owe him an explanation.
Tbh I'd just slowly become really boring and unappealing and unattractive to him and he will probably dump you.
You could always tell him you've just had a massive tax bill and it's left you bankrupt with a rubbish credit rating. I bet he suddenly vanishes then. Job done.

Floralnomad · 21/06/2024 13:45

Have you checked your own credit file @CrossingBoundaries007 as he may already have taken things out in your name if he has had access to your home .

pikkumyy77 · 21/06/2024 13:46

He is extremely manipulative of you, OP. Nice when begging for money, hostile when paying it back? Do you notice the pattern? He can wheedle for England, sounds like. But his true self is the angry abuser who says “all sorts” when you ask for your money back.

RampantIvy · 21/06/2024 13:52

murasaki · 21/06/2024 13:40

Apparently purse is a metaphor for vagina, dating back to the 17th century.

You need to deny him access to all of your purses.

Every day is a school day 😁

HomeTheatreSystem · 21/06/2024 13:53

Just in case he's good at reeling you back in and you're struggling with how to sever the relationship permanently, just remember don't give him a reason that opens up any discussion. You just say that you no longer feel as attracted to him as you once did (which I hope is actually the case now PPs have shown you who and what he really is) and that's all there is to it. He can't argue with that. And if he's already at yours, boot him out instantly. He can doss with family/friends/the Ex Wife/ in his car: it's not your problem.

TomatoSandwiches · 21/06/2024 13:57

murasaki · 21/06/2024 13:40

Apparently purse is a metaphor for vagina, dating back to the 17th century.

You need to deny him access to all of your purses.

Brilliant 😂😂😂

Dibble135 · 21/06/2024 13:59

As you do not own the car I don’t think you can insure it anyways. I think you have to have an insurable interest or something.

If it helps with the AIBU question, I’ve been married nearly 10 years and my hubby and I have separate policies for our own vehicles.

Given I have 6 points, I’m no longer on husbands as his premium would have increased. Not fair for him to pay more because of my speeding…

velveteens · 21/06/2024 14:03

You really shouldn't need to ask this! Why on earth do you keep taking him back?!! You lent him money and he insulted you when you reminded him he owed it?!

He is using you for money and free food/care/sex and you are letting him!

Raise your bar, seriously.

GirlOfThe70s · 21/06/2024 14:15

I agree with another poster - I think 12 points is an automatic ban. So, should he actually be driving at all?
Don't take on the insurance in your name, it's fraud and you'd be caught up in all sorts of problems.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/06/2024 14:17

"I just felt that he could see how I managed my finances even though I earn way less and learn from it."

What he's learned is that you are a handy resource with a bit of sweet talking that costs him nothing.

You are a single parent... every penny you spend on him or lend him, is taking away from your child and your future financial security.

RUN

AffIt · 21/06/2024 14:19

A huge amount of this sounds like absolute bollocks, TBH.

I don't have kids and I'm in Scotland, rather than England, but I don't think grammar schools have catchment areas (rather 'you get on, the onus is on you to get there') and surely schools - especially private schools - require buy-in from both parents or the primary carer, at least?

And surely most people - especially those who pay rent for ex-partners and send their kids to private school - pay their insurance up front, because it's cheaper overall?

I think this fella is spinning you a load of absolute horseshit, OP.

LifeExperience · 21/06/2024 14:38

Goodness, OP, this man is a selfish, self-serving, verbally abusive disaster.

Lose the wannabe cocklodger soonest. And then block him, forever.

Needanewname42 · 21/06/2024 14:57

CrossingBoundaries007 · 21/06/2024 12:44

Very true! One of those times when I lent him money and reminded him I needed it after the time he had promised to pay it back had passed he said all manner of things to me and I was furious but forgave him.

Are you mad??

You had to fight to get money out him before. You'll end up paying for all his insurance while he swans off.

Op this guy will bleed you dry and let you bank roll him if you let him.
Meanwhile he's acting the big man paying school fees and rent for his ex.

Plenty more fish in the sea!

Glittertwins · 21/06/2024 15:17

@AffIt - there are catchment areas for grammar where we are in England. We were inside catchment at the time 11 plus was done / passed but the areas were redrawn in favour of those who lived inside that county and we were a couple of miles the other of the county boundary.
Either way, the OP's "partner" needs to be binned and blocked'

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