To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

It’s quite possible for people you love to be annoying, or for their lifestyle to negatively impact yours. She’s working - in a room that her DF has things in that he requires. How does it being a storage room mean it’s not disruptive to restrict access? People need things from where they’ve been stored.

OP is living in her parents’ place for her own benefit, not theirs.

No.
A different generation, born in a Communist country and usually out by the age of 20, due
to parental abuse, which was considered "normal".

I'm aware of that. It's unusual to be feel as strongly as her dad does that he can't just.... wait until her call ends.

Op is their child at the end of the day. He can be frustrated by it but there's absolutely no reason to act like such a twat. He can use his words to express his emotions like a grown up, and not act like an overgrown baby.

There isn't some weird rule that you must start acting like a tosser when your children turn 18.

And yet you're berating op? Why are you not pleased things are different?

He is right tho, it is his house
and your home.

Just move to your bedroom. He surely doesn’t just burst in there?

The trouble of using a "storage space" as an office is that now you need things you stored there.

I notice you say you make a financial contribution to the house...what form of contribution is this. Market Rent and split of bills or a token contribution to the weekly shop etc?

I suspect that your living costs are very being very heavily subsidised by your Dad /parents and it does sound unreasonable for you to start dictating which parts of the house he has paid for he is allowed to use.

By WFH people save commuting costs and the employer perhaps saves office costs but your dad is not benefitting is he?

Your options are like others have said is to use your bedroom, stop WFH and go to the office ,move out and start standing on your own 2 feet.

I'm not saying your dad is in the right, and I WFH, so I get how annoying it must be. But you are living in his home, so I agree with those who say find a job where you don't have to WFH, or speak to your line manager and see if you can work in the office every day.

Working from home is great, but is not really viable unless you have your own home to work from. Why can't you go into the office?

Also, who is actually charging their children market rent? Why are we saying oh well you're not paying market rent as if anyone should be. Of course she's not paying market rent. She's living with her parents not a landlord.

Your dad's being a bit of an arse but ultimately you don't have any leverage here since it's his office in his house - he has the power to be an arse if he chooses. You said you "contribute money to the house" but unless that's at least close to market rent then you really have nothing to stand on unfortunately. It sounds like the arrangement he agreed to with you living & working there has run on longer than expected and he's pushing you out.

1. Prioritize moving out. Find a place to rent that is within your budget even if you don't love it.
2. Take a hard look at whether you can feasibly work out of your bedroom on days you're WFH
3. Talk to your employer about working in the office 4-5 days per week in the short-term due to a temporary lack of private work space at home.
4. Actively manage your work schedule to put more sensitive calls on your in-office days
5. Acknowledge to your parents that you've been there longer than planned and you working out of the house regularly is an imposition. Offer to increase the amount you're contributing each month.

You need to relocate your desk into your bedroom. I WFH in a bedroom - most people who WFH do so from either a bedroom or a "public" room of the house eg a dining table or kitchen. Not many families have the luxury of an "office" as a dedicated workspace-only room. You just need to arrange the furniture so that you can have a blank background behind you, or make sure you always use the greenscreen function to give you a fake background.

Aren't you being a bit unrealistic expecting to be able to afford a solo flat straight out from leaving home? Most young people live in a houseshare for a few years before they can afford a flat, and in a house share you can definitely only have your own room private.

I don't think it's reasonable to monopolise 2 rooms.

It might be 'your home' but that only applies as long as your parents are willing to have you there. Nobody has a legal obligation to provide housing for a twentysomething child.

I agree he’s acting badly, I said as much in my first post. I haven’t taken issue with anyone saying he’s acting badly.

I’m simply pointing out that OP may have been somewhat inconsiderate herself as well.

I don't personally think she has. But even if he thinks she has, two wrongs don't make a right. Let's hope he doesn't need ops assistance in his old age!

"Of course she's not paying market rent. She's living with her parents not a landlord."

Because they are doing her a favour and subsidising her living costs and from his perspective she is being a CF in response and being rather entitled. Common in a teenager but op is in their 20s

I agree it's your father's house.

But seriously, why does he have to be an arsehole?

My daughters sometimes choose to work from my house. I enjoy their company and presence now I'm on my own.

But I can't imagine being so nasty. If they are working I never intrude.

What a selfish person he is. Sorry.

Yes, because they're her parents. That's what decent parents do? She's not being a CF at all? She's not asking him to never go in there She's asking him to not burst in mid call. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't do that for their own child no matter how old they were?

How mean and intolerant do you have to be to not be able to do that?

Haven't read whole thread but can't you work in your room set up a little work space op?

My dad does this in my house! Walks in unannounced and appears behind me when I'm on a call.
No respect, and doesn't seem to think that working from home is real work. Thinks it's funny when I complain.

Well then OP's DF needs to talk to them about it like an adult rather than acting like an arsehole and possibly jeopardising their job if confidential info is being discussed.

Some very ageist posts here as per… 🙄

Insist the company provide you with a full time office space if your role requires that a retired home owner has to tip toe and be restricted in his own property.

I find it incredible that so many people think he’s the ‘arsehole’ in this situation and not wfh dictators who think the entire world should revolve around them and their job.

Again with the tip toeing. She's asking him to not interrupt a call. Not tip toe around her.

Ageist my arse. He could be 25 and doing this and still be an inconsiderate twat and a shit parent. It's nothing to do with how old he is.

Can you work from your desk in your bedroom, and lock the door? You say you live rurally but could you do some work in a quiet cafe or pub in the nearest village a few days a week? Hopefully you'll be out soon!

Having dealt with way too many blustery old arsehole men in my time, I'd assume that now he's made his point, he probably will actually take on board what you said and not interrupt you like that again. Not that he'd ever admit to being wrong.

But, having had to WFH with teens who 'forget' and barge in every now and again, I'd suggest a couple of simple measures - 1. a Teams background so nobody can see what's behind you and 2. mouse hovered over the mute button if you hear anyone moving about outside the office.

That will protect you and is a lot less disruptive to your life than some of the suggestions on here!