To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Sounds really challenging. It would be the lack of respect that I as a daughter would find upsetting. You are contributing to the cost of living there, and it sounds like a family home - but I know that some people have the view of "my house my rules" - I'm about to leave my own property to go back into a house share situation, my experiences have been positive - lots of respect, professional working environment etc... perhaps if you cannot quite make the financial jump to owning your own property you can maybe look at a professional house share whilst saving too?

Massive sweeping generalisation.

Nope it's not her house. It's his and her muns house. They are allowing her to stay there.

Might not be her house but it's her home

Why have you ignore the questions about working from your bedroom?

It sounds as though your dad is either unaware that you're trying your hardest to move out, by putting offers in on flats or he simply doesn't believe you.

It sounds as though he's strongly encouraging you to move.

This! I can’t understand the “my house, my rules”, as well as the “you aren’t paying for two rooms” type of comments. I would feel so sad if my children felt they were an inconvenience or unwelcome at our home.

He doesn’t work, he probably does not need the office space as regularly as the OP.
What’s the problem of knocking to check if the OP is having in a call? He is being weirdly authoritative.

Well yes, but OP may have also been a bit of an arsehole disrupting her parents’ lives for her own benefit without consideration for them, too.

She's literally working in a storage room. How disruptive. What an arsehole. Why do people have kids if they genuinely hate them like this? It's baffling. If she was trashing his house or disrespecting them or whatever then yeah of course, but like.... she's working.

Your dad’s being a belligerent old git. Sadly that happens to some parents when they retire.

These would be my strategies too.

Take the calls in your bedroom (assuming you have a laptop)

That's such a negative and transactional outlook. So are all children being allowed to stay at their parents' house as a favour or do the rules automatically change when one turns 18? What if the mother has no issue with her daughter working from home? I'm sure the father will say the same, it's my house, none of your opinions matter.

A house/home is made up of the family and belongs to all of them. No one should be made to feel like an outsider in one's own home, irrespective of age and OP is still so young. The basic issue here is the lack of respect for another member of the household.

It's a shame, but for whatever reason, he's decided that he doesn't respect your work enough to knock. As so many have suggested, I'd start working in your bedroom, or if you know in advance when calls will come in, don't have too many calls in a day, and can easily move, just take calls there.

YANBU to wish your own father respected you enough to help you succeed in your career (by the simple, gracious act of not barging in without knocking first), but you can't change him. If this is who he is, you'll just have to work around his peculiarities and get out of there ASAP.

I found some comments of the strange. I think the concept of a family home is lost on someone people. It seems some people view their children as guest or strangers. I want my child to be happy and successful. I would be supporting my child if they were working, trying to build a career and saving up to buy a property. I would rather they save up than rent. It seems like the dad is trying to sabotage the daughter.

Oh gorsh I must be super tolerant, i work from home pretty much full time in my bedroom, people come in and out as they please, thank goodness I dont put my camera on unless i really have to. Yes, it's really annoying especially when husband taking lunch time nap when I have meeting - he snores, so as my dog 😤

I really think you need to move out asap if this bothers you.

I don't understand why some people have children.

But her dad is the problem and OP has given him a solution he doesn’t want. He is actively deciding to be an arse and to not knock on the door before going in. OP isn’t suggest that he doesn’t disturb her at all, his asking that he knocks first.

Your father.. Jesus what a prick. He’s the man of the house and fuck you and your job. I’d expand my search to as far away from him as possible. Good luck flat hunting!

Yes, possibly.
On the other hand, living at home with your parents at "mid twenties" isn't ideal, neither
is "working from home".
However, I'm a different generation.

Sounds like this is all new for your dad and he doesn’t like being bared from a room he uses.
so the quickest and easiest solutions are
Don’t work from home
or use your bedroom.

personally I’d chose to use the bedroom

A different generation who enjoyed affordable housing and a completely different workplace environment?

I see.

Exactly. Only a nasty, spiteful person would behave as the dad is behaving. He has no respect or consideration for his adult daughter. Has he always been such a nasty and childish man @footballinthepub or is this something recent?

I had this crap with my parents. There was no happy medium. I glad I moved out when I did to get that freedom. Yes, I was paying a hell of a lot more, but had that freedom and peace. It will come.

Well it depends if you have an area in your house that nobody else wants to use. I don’t and obviously neither does op.

I mean, she does. It's literally a storage room. Her dad is just being difficult. But I would say to use her bedroom anyway so he has no reason to come in.

It is more difficult if you don't have a space nobody else wants to use but unless you're on back to back calls literally all day, it's still doable with a bit of common sense.