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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should be denied cheap flight set up?

498 replies

Wayda · 20/06/2024 12:54

My younger brother is a pilot. For 5+ years I have been lucky enough to get access to very discounted cheap flights. Appreciate that. Has helped my child and I experience many things we simply would not be able to otherwise (single mum). My brother recently mentioned that I along with our other brother need to figure out who will keep the cheap flights. Pilot brother has 5 spots which he can divvy out. He has recently become serious with a girlfriend who he wants to give the discount to.

My brother (not the pilot) is on a far higher salary than me and does not have kids. Yes, he travels more than me but that is due to him having the time to do so. This brother also loaned my younger brother some money to live off whilst training so I think feels entitled to the discounts. He probably earns £80k. Anyway, when we met at the weekend he told me “you had a good run”! The cheek! Assuming I should give up my spot.

Parents witnessed this and did not say anything about their spots. If I were them I would try and help out a single mother. I know it may seem entitled but I’m more hurt by the lack of consideration.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Alwaysthesun24 · 20/06/2024 14:59

Badassnameforadojo · 20/06/2024 14:34

Is it possible to book the flights with the discount and then pay the fee for a name change on the ticket? So, whoever gets the discount could book flights for whoever doesn’t and then you change the name on the ticket later on?

There will definitely be something in place to stop that.

HcbSS · 20/06/2024 15:00

Given that you have had several years of this, maybe the one who helped him get to where he is now deserves a bit of a treat.

Buffypaws · 20/06/2024 15:00

If my brother was a pilot I'd let my single parent sister have the discount. It's not just that I earn more, it's that I can earn more avios. I earn a bit less than 80k and I put everything through avios reward credit cards. My partner and I get free flights all the time this way. I can also get discounted business class flights. My sister would not be able to do this as she has much less disposable income.

However alternating seems a reasonable alternative, especially as you'll still get one spot each year.

Baxdream · 20/06/2024 15:02

How many spots are up for grabs? 2 ? If so, one each.
How many free flights have you had versus your brother?

The fact he's a higher earner isn't relevant in my opinion. It's not his fault that you don't earn the same as him

LakeTiticaca · 20/06/2024 15:03

You stated in your post that you have had a good run. Perhaps time for someone else to experience your brothers generosity

Cheesyfootballs01 · 20/06/2024 15:03

Wayda · 20/06/2024 13:21

Okay I know this is a first world problem and I’ve been lucky so far re cheap holidays.

But is no one picking up on the fact that my pilot brother told my brother and I to figure out things between ourselves and let him know. But my brother just railroaded me? No discussion.

He hasn’t railroaded you though has he? He made a comment that you had a good run ( which incidentally you have!)

Have you actually spoken to your non pilot brother and explained how you feel and your situation to him? Also how come you have had all the cheap flights so far?

MossyBottomFarm · 20/06/2024 15:05

Love threads where the OP asks AIBU, is pointed out by most that they are.... and then refuse to admit it.

Mayorq · 20/06/2024 15:06

Wayda · 20/06/2024 13:00

My child and I take two.

You cheeky fucker 😂😂😂😂

PrincessHoneysuckle · 20/06/2024 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OhmygodDont · 20/06/2024 15:07

MossyBottomFarm · 20/06/2024 15:05

Love threads where the OP asks AIBU, is pointed out by most that they are.... and then refuse to admit it.

She will be back to tell us how her kids dad is either a deadbeat or died a life saving hero or some such as to why her kid so desperately needs plane only holidays to bond and whatnot.

Deebee90 · 20/06/2024 15:08

You chose to a child , you brother chose to have a good job. You don’t get privileges because you have a child. Get a decent job and pay yourself

Beezknees · 20/06/2024 15:09

YABU, sorry. I'm a lone parent and not a high earner, I don't expect special treatment in my family due to it.

backinthebox · 20/06/2024 15:09

Just worth pointing out that there are a lot of people here who do not understand how staff travel perks work. You travel on standby, getting the last seats left over after all the fare paying passengers. This means you often have to tiptoe very carefully through the minefield that is selecting a flight and destination you actually think you will be able to get to. In the peak seasons, flights are often full, meaning standby passengers are left behind. In my airline we offer jumpseats (the spare cabin crew seats by the doors) to staff passengers, but the captain retains authority over who gets these and there are a lot of different ways they can be dished out. Usually Clingons (family members travelling with an operating crew member,) then pilots, cabin crew, their immediate family, then everyone else in seniority order. You cannot put someone on a jumpseat who does not know how to behave, and who would not be willing to help in an evacuation, so for this reason children are usually not put on jumpseats.

Travelling with children adds a whole extra level of stress into it, as often you will be bumped off a peak times flight or asked if you are willing to sit separately from each other. My children have sat in other parts of the plane from me from a fairly young age, they do not know any different. Children not used to this concept could find it very hard to accept. We’ve even split between flights before, with DH going ahead, or being left behind, or me being left behind. We’ve had flights where DH and one DC went on one flight and me and the other DC travelled on a different flight, sometimes catching up on a later flight at the same airport, or travelling into 2 different airports close together (eg Milan Linate and Milan Malpensa.)

The plus side is we can afford to travel all over, frequently, if we are prepared to play the game, and often we travel in nice seats (business class all the way to Australia!) It is a benefit to me because I can take family with me when I am working away over school holidays, birthdays, etc.

It’s really not a good perk for family travelling on standby when they don’t understand all the possible restrictions and ways of getting through the airport quickly and easily. I put my mother on a long haul standby flight once which I was not travelling with her on, and she was put on a jumpseat (at my request) and she really struggled with the jumpseat itself and with the stress of not knowing which flight she was travelling on.

For the person suggesting you put one person on your staff travel and then book the tickets for them but then try and change the name on the ticket - that is Staff Travel abuse and a fast track to being fired!

Epidote · 20/06/2024 15:12

King Salomon rules will get you one each. One your other brother, one his GF and one for you and your kid. But I'm not king Salomon, I'm more extremist and if I were your pilot brother I would take the three spots of both of you.

Both of you are unreasonable here.

wibblywobblywoo · 20/06/2024 15:13

Wayda · 20/06/2024 13:21

Okay I know this is a first world problem and I’ve been lucky so far re cheap holidays.

But is no one picking up on the fact that my pilot brother told my brother and I to figure out things between ourselves and let him know. But my brother just railroaded me? No discussion.

He wants one outcome you want another - the 'discussion' you want would end with him giving in to you - he doesn't want to and said so in a lot less words "you've had a good run" .

It is what it is. Things have changed, accept it gracefully and move on or you are going to start causing issues between yourself and your brothers.

Hoppy1985 · 20/06/2024 15:16

I think, as most people have commented (though some overly harshly as I imagine being a single mother IS difficult and no one knows the circumstances as to why you got there), yes, you are definitely being unreasonable.

Sounds like YB wouldn't even be a pilot with this discount had it not been for older brother. It's not fair for you to believe you're entitled to more because you have less especially if it's likely both your brothers are where they are through their own choices and hard work. You chose to have a child, they have prioritized work which puts them in a better financial position but it doesn't make your other brother any less entitled than you especially as he's contributed to getting pilot brother where he is. If it were my family I would expect us to be treated equally but i the circumstances are as a previous poster said (and you are basically on stand by which makes it super difficult to plan if you don't have both tickets) i would approach your brother and ask if you can alternate.

If it is the case that it's a lot more straightforward and a case of 5 people getting discount for booked flights - 100% you should be giving up your childs ticket and you and your brother should be having one each.

MoMo999 · 20/06/2024 15:16

Wayda · 20/06/2024 13:08

But my other brother is in his late 20s, no kids, no partner. And earns more than me.

I spend a lot of time out of the house to provide for my child and those cheap holidays are precious as they allow us to reconnect.

Brother would be able to absorb the lack of discount, I won’t. He can still go away often regardless. For me the discount is make or break.

I think this sounds entitled. As others have said, keep the discount for you and pay for your child. I used to get fed up in workplaces when people with kids assumed single, childless people should make sacrifices on social time etc. "to help them out". It is quite patronising.

Gingerdancedbackwards · 20/06/2024 15:16

MossyBottomFarm · 20/06/2024 15:05

Love threads where the OP asks AIBU, is pointed out by most that they are.... and then refuse to admit it.

Drives me nuts. It's not as if they have to face us irl to say yes, i have been unreasonable, and thanks for making me a better person.
It is sadly pathetic

JurassicClark · 20/06/2024 15:17

Wouldn’t it be good if Pilot Brother read this thread and told his entitled grabby relatives to stick their freebies up their backside?

@Wayda , your Other Brother is right, you did have a good run of using two freebies out of a possible 5.

Other Brother helped Pilot achieve his dream; the ticket should go to him. That leaves one for Pilot to give to a mate.

notimagain · 20/06/2024 15:19

@backinthebox

Hi

It’s really not a good perk for family travelling on standby when they don’t understand all the possible restrictions and ways of getting through the airport quickly and easily.

Agreed ..schemes vary but I know all too well the scheme you are on about and we never risked standby with the kids..there was just too much uncertainty/risk.

we never I put my mother on a long haul standby flight once which I was not travelling with her on, and she was put on a jumpseat (at my request) and she really struggled with the jumpseat itself and with the stress of not knowing which flight she was travelling on.

Again agreed, it can be highly stressful for everybody involved.

BTW I see “Free travel” has crept into a few posts but at many/most airlines staff travel is anything but, in fact sometimes if you are quick with your booking you can find better rates than the staff travel ones on the commercial website, certainly for short haul.

Staff travel can be a nice perk to have but it has limitations, and more at some airlines than others.

Lobelia123 · 20/06/2024 15:20

Then you need to speak up and stop hoping that brother will 'do the right thing'. Open your mouth and say everything youve posted here - that whil eyou hugely appreciate the privilege of travel and that its pilot brothers absolute prerogative to withdraw a ticket, youd just like to point out that the ticket means a lot to you - and that you would not be able to travel with your child without it. If you want your other brother to step up and see things from your perspective, you have to paint the picture. But also be prepared that he has a good laugh and says so what....but my point is, God helps those who help themsleves, so speak up and advocate for yourself, because it sounds like your brother and parents will blythely look the other way and try to railroad you whilst avoiding any discomofrt.

Codlingmoths · 20/06/2024 15:21

bunnypenny · 20/06/2024 12:58

My husband is a pilot and you’re being unreasonable. Do you take up one spot or two? And hardly cheeky for him to say you’ve had a good run - you have!

It wouldn’t be cheeky for a friend to say it. But the man saying it is her brother who has had exactly the same good run but expects to keep it. So it’s pretty bloody entitled if you ask me since he can afford a lot more travel. Why isn’t he saying I’ve had a good run?
i wouldn’t expect your parents to give you their spots. I’d say to pilot brother you should dump brother, he can afford to travel, and you only need one spot back while ds and I both miss out if we hand back a spot. But I’d say it nicely with how much we appreciated it and loved the travel, he probably does feel a bit beholden to other brother if he lent him money so it’s tricky.

Imtheotherguy · 20/06/2024 15:23

@Wayda I can understand a sibling behaving like that, but I absolutely cannot understand your parents not offering their spaces to their child and granddaughter.

My mum would give my son everything she has if I didn’t stop her, as would I for my child or grandchild.

Twiglets1 · 20/06/2024 15:23

Wayda · 20/06/2024 12:54

My younger brother is a pilot. For 5+ years I have been lucky enough to get access to very discounted cheap flights. Appreciate that. Has helped my child and I experience many things we simply would not be able to otherwise (single mum). My brother recently mentioned that I along with our other brother need to figure out who will keep the cheap flights. Pilot brother has 5 spots which he can divvy out. He has recently become serious with a girlfriend who he wants to give the discount to.

My brother (not the pilot) is on a far higher salary than me and does not have kids. Yes, he travels more than me but that is due to him having the time to do so. This brother also loaned my younger brother some money to live off whilst training so I think feels entitled to the discounts. He probably earns £80k. Anyway, when we met at the weekend he told me “you had a good run”! The cheek! Assuming I should give up my spot.

Parents witnessed this and did not say anything about their spots. If I were them I would try and help out a single mother. I know it may seem entitled but I’m more hurt by the lack of consideration.

AIBU?

Hmm … if this was my kids I would be volunteering to give up my free tickets for you because I would appreciate it is hard being a single mum and expensive.

I don’t think YABU to expect some empathy from family members especially your parents.

Magnastorm · 20/06/2024 15:25

YABU.

If you keep one of the two slots you still get discounted travel compared to normal. Stop being so entitled.