6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

People think you are making it up because Mumsnet is a well known haven for those with gender critical views. Some believe that Mumsnet is transphobic. It would be in keeping with transphobic behaviour to invent a story about a transwoman taking to a child about their genitalia.

Edit: I believe you.

I think the implication is MN posters make up stuff to paint TW in a bad light.

The truth is, while lots of TW are not predators, there are enough true stories out there that we don't need to make stuff up.

You've either tagged me by mistake or you've misunderstood one of my posts- I am entirely in agreement with you, as my posts on this thread will demonstrate.

I have arrived at the decision through help from this thread that

• That I will never let my daughter attend a family work event with this person
• That most people think this character's language was wholly inappropriate
• That I wasn't feeling unreasonable

Unfortunately I do not have the guts to go to HR who as I have mentioned this government organisation is very Stonewall leaning.
My daughter will not be helped if I get it wrong and somehow mess up my career. Also as this was OUTSIDE of work (ie a social, hosted bu a colleague but not paid for by work) they could just not get involved

@Verv

except he wasn't talking ABOUT his penis, just that he has a 'willy'. I agree it was unnecessary, but there's no need to make it sound worse than it was.

Why would you need to be sensitive towards some creep who is trying to corrupt your child?

If this wasn't a transwoman (man in a dress), but just some creepy bloke perving on your small daughter, would you worry about being "sensitive"?

I agree with you ... she could have left it at the I was born a man part. You should have said something. You'd be canceled in a heartbeat if you mis gendered this person so someone needs to speak to her about how we speak to kids. Excuse me miss.. we don't speak to kids like that!!!!!

I would report that creep to HR department if he was a colleague. Or complain to HR that your child was approached by a creep talking to her about his genitals.

"It would be in keeping with transphobic behaviour to invent a story about a transwoman taking to a child about their genitalia."
Misgendering that stunning and brave woman who only wanted to talk to a little girl about his penis.

Call the police? Seriously? Would you be happy for someone to be murdered, stabbed or raped because the police have to ask people if they said one inappropriate word to a child?
The police are seriously stretched so yes they wouldn't have resources to be in two places at once.
World has gone mad!

Someone mentioning they had a willy does not make them a predator. The vast majority of transwomen (and transmen, or is those only transwomen?) are not perverts or doing it for sexual gratification. There is NO data, or papers, to back this up and this is exactly why Mumsnet is considered transphobic.

I am quite shocked that you wont' even mention it to a manger.

I have always worked for public bodies. Not even Stonewall themselves would object to you raising the crossing of boundaries with a manager so it can be fed back to the person. No one would object to that.

You get all pearl clutchy that your child was put at such risk, but you're unwilling to ensure it doesn't happen again??

The majority of men aren't perverts either, but any man who talks to a 6 year old stranger about his penis certainly is.

Not sure if you misunderstood my point? I was explaining to OP that inventing a fictional scenario in which a fictional trans woman spoke to a child about their penis is the sort of thing that a transphobe would do, in order to increase hatred of trans people.

Since many people believe Mumsnet is full of transphobia they automatically think such stories must be made up.

I was not saying that OP was transphobic or made up a story.

they said "I had a willy..." that is hardly holding a full conversation about genitalia. Mine would have found it hilarious when they were 6 and willy was the funniest word in the world.

It was boundary crossing, and I would ensure that this was highlighted to them. But it wasn't perversion.

This

The comment about Willy’s was completely inappropriate and I would ensure that person has no opportunities for contact with my child in the future.

How do you know it wasn't perversion? Engaging children in inappropriate, boundary-crossing conversations is a huge indicator of grooming. The child finding it funny is not a sign it isn't grooming; it is a sign the grooming is working.

This.

WTF is wrong with people 🤦‍♀️

Because one off hand comment doesn't equal grooming. Continued conversation, finding a chance to bond, trying to be alone with the child, THAT would all indicate grooming. One off hand comment does not equal grooming.

I've done a lot of training on child protection and grooming. I have been groomed.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I have made it quite clear I would have reported it to managers, and that the comment was out of order.

I would say WTF is wrong with people who don't want to report it to ensure it doesn't happen again?!

I agree with this. It's not at all about how this person identifies/refers to himself. the wording of your complaint need only be 'a colleague used the word 'willy' when talking to my 6-year-old, whom said colleague had never met before, withot me present. That's inappropriate, because it's always inappropriate for an unknown adult to use words about genitalia to a child.'

I'd be shocked at anyone other than a parent mentioning genitalia at all to a child, unless it was something to do with a medical or potential abuse/criminal issue. Barring that, there's just no need at all to discuss genitals with other people's children!

Any man, in a dress or not, mentioning they have or have had a willy to a 6 year old child - I would assume they were trying to illicit a conversation about genitalia. The natural follow on from saying that is "do you still have a willy" "I don't have a willy..." etc. etc. Or just revel in the puzzled/uncomfortable look on their face. We KNOW there are men that get off on making others feel uncomfortable (Grayson Perry for example).

Why else would he bring it up? She's six, she in all likelihood already knows men have willies so he had no need to say "a man with a willy". Just say "a man" FFS.

Editing to say I agree with @IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine, sorry if it sounds like I'm angry at you 😂

I have a willy is quite literally talking about a penis.

I like dresses is not talking about a penis.