6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

Not acceptable for any adult to talk about their sexual equipment to a strange 6 year old or even a 6 year old they know. Only parents and appropriate teachers should get anywhere near talking about sex to a child. Just because he is a 'special' person doesn't give him carte blanche.

It's a slightly odd answer but I can't say it would bother me unduly in itself. In my experience 6 years old is prime time for being fascinated by the subject of willies so its not as if your daughter wouldn’t have heard the word before. I'd trust my instinct on this one. If my instinct was this person was genuine and had good intentions in terms of explaining the situation to a child I'd let it go. If my spidey senses were triggered in any way then that's a different matter.

Completely unreasonable.

I would have been affronted and I am way older than six.
One usually doesn't talk about one's genitals. It's odd to teach a six year old that that is okay. Modesty is more comfortable and safer to push in normal conversations with strangers.

The question was fine from a six year old. Though it should prompt Op to remind her child to be polite to people who they see as different. It is kind to not ask strangers about their differences as it could make people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed and some things are personal and none of our business..

The answer to - why the dress - could have included:

• Because I like blue.
• Do you not think it suits me? laugh
• It's lovely and cool.
• This dress is one of my favourites.
• I have a beard but everyone is free to wear a dress. Hey, I like your runners.
• It's the perfect dress for a garden party.

@hermenmumster I'm sorry I doubted you. It does sound pretty bizarre!
I think maybe have a quiet word with the trans person, as long as you know they definitely said it. Just explain you'd rather adults didn't talk about their genitals with your kid. Dk how you could do it sensitively though!

Nope. First, I asked whether OP was using transwoman in her OP because that is the term that she felt HAD to be used for people who present like this colleague. I was asking whether anyone else at her work or the party had described this person as a transwoman.

Then I commented that there would have been more certainty about the label if the child had been told that the penis had been removed. In the sense that not all transwomen have had surgery but all people who have had surgery are transwomen.

That’s all.

Given that, as you say, the presence or not of a penis is not definitive, one wonders why he had to say anything other than “I was a born a man and now I am a woman”.

Personally I would just call the person an asshole who behaves inappropriately with children.

´Because I like pretty dresses and pretty dresses are for everyone’ would have been more age appropriate surely.

The case of Andrew Miller is precisely why it is important for your child to understand that this man is a man OP. And a creepy one at that. And to run a mile next time a man in a dress approaches her.

Note the unfortunate child in this case thought she was safe with a "woman", because the man dressed as a woman and made good use of that disguise to confuse a child and abduct her.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12097999/Transgender-butcher-53-pleads-guilty-kidnapping-sexually-abusing-girl-11.html

You mean man who was a stranger to you and your family spoke to your six year old child about his penis.

The man is a predator. Many men get off in this sort of behaviour. It’s absolutely disgusting and I would be ropable.

Sorry, I clearly misunderstood you.

I don't really see how you could be accused of sounding like a wanker by stating that someone who tried to rape your friends is a predator!

Here's the Guardian version for those with an aversion to the DM.

Victim blaming was an aggravating factor according to the judge so perhaps those who say OP's daughter was rude should think again about who the transgressor is here.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/oct/18/paedophile-who-abducted-schoolgirl-while-dressed-as-a-woman-jailed-for-20-years

Absolute tosh. People (particularly women, and from an early age) are taught to ignore their instincts, to their detriment. If anything we should be encouraging little girls who sense that something is out of the ordinary, and question it.

It's nothing like a disability: it's a perverted attention-seeking man. The child sensed something was wrong and, guess what, she was proved right immediately by him showing himself to be the kind of man who refers to his penis to a six year-old girl! So you can hardly use that as evidence that she was in the wrong.

Indeed, but a TW would never want to admit that pretty dresses are 'for everyone 'because want they want is for us to STFU and go along with the charade that they are a woman.

This post just doesn't sound right to me!

There is nothing "rude" about a child asking a man why he is wearing a dress.

It's natural curiosity.

If I went out wearing (say) horns or angel wings, and a child asked me why, would that be rude? Of course not. The child sees something unusual and comments on it and is curious about it.

Stop telling children they should ignore their instincts about who is male and who is female. Those instincts could keep them safe some day, Curiosity should be encouraged. Yes - good manners are important, but it is not bad manners to seek the truth.

Edit for mistype

This ⬆

In spades

During interviews with a risk assessor, Miller, who previously ran a butcher’s shop, “even attempted to place responsibility on [his victim]”, the judge said. “You told the assessor you went into business mode, ‘trying to think of a plan’.”

What a horrendous case.

I have no doubt that Miller did victim blame, but I don’t think the journalist has explained it very well, as I don’t understand how that statement to the risk assessor is “victim blaming”?

@FOJN i see yes , well made point

I find these comments a bit odd. Why would I make this up?!

The trans thing is a complete red herring as it isn't OK for any adult to be talking about their genitals to a 6yr old child.

If it was at a work event then I'd have thought HR would be your first point of call.

Yes to this

Adults are not helping children when they are told to disbelieve their eyes and ears

Yes, exactly. Typing in haste and you put it better than me

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine - who cares what language this man would use to himself as. He’s a predator who spoke about his penis to a six year old child.

It’s morally repugnant. This man wants attention and is clearly doing it to get off sexually.

There’s zero reason for him to mention his penis to a six year old child.

And he’s not a woman - he doesn’t even bother to pass as a woman.

OP - if this was a work event I would be making a formal complaint about a man with a beard wearing a dress spoke with your six year old child about his penis.

I do wonder if he was hoping that she'd ask whether he still had a willy or not 😳