6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

Good point. Presumably they would be on female hormones though.

Sorry and I am sure the mn police will hang me for this, but if you have a dick you are not a woman. End of story.

If you would like to be considered as one at least have the decency to make the bloody effort to shave your beard, legs etc to make a sodding effort.

This is why it is such a red flag that the person even mentioned their penis, because its presence or absence is completely irrelevant to their identifying as a woman.

Yes that's why I'm unsure if they would still have enough male hormone to grow one. I do know one TW, but not well enough to know what surgery they have or haven't had. They definitely have 5 o'clock Shadow.

Why do they need to shave their legs? I wish it was more socially acceptable for women to have body (and facial) hair tbh.

Talking to children about your genitals at a social event is pretty much the definition of perving. If this dodge-pot had been wearing jeans, would you report him to your manager? I bet you would.

Government departments are a lot less Stonewalled than they used to be. I am in a Government department that walked away from SW a few years back, and things are VERY different now.

“Unfortunately I do not have the guts to go to HR who as I have mentioned this government organisation is very Stonewall leaning.
My daughter will not be helped if I get it wrong and somehow mess up my career. Also as this was OUTSIDE of work (ie a social, hosted bu a colleague but not paid for by work) they could just not get involved”

Even if you’re not in the workplace and you are ‘off the clock’, if work colleagues are at an event, employment law still applies. Of course it’s up to you to decide whether or not bring the matter to the attention of your employers, but in my opinion a formal warning from your employer would be appropriate.

What would you call it?

He was getting a kick out of discussing his dick with a small girl 👧.

In no way can anyone convince me that was an innocent conversation.

@

Sorry @IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine
Pressed send too early. My daughter was the only child there when that conversations occured. There were other other adults there too. Her little friends were a few metres away.
For some reason i haven't felt able to raise it with colleagues yet

Question.

How would you feel if this was a woman talking about her bits with a six year old boy?

My point here is focus on the behaviour.

Any adult talking to a six year old, about their bits for whatever reason, raises alarm bells.

The problem isn't that they are trans.

YANBU. The man was out of order.

Op you need to raise this somewhere. The next time it might not just be a CHAT about the penis.

You either make the other colleagues aware esp those with children. Or you tell HR.

They should be aware that a member of staff was discussing their penis with a 6 year old child. Before HR or someone else organises another family event.

I meant you should warn them so they know to keep their children away from him in future. If he's behaved this inappropriately with a child once, he absolutely will again.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine
Yes, good point.

Totally agree.
Unfortunately I don't believe this was a one off either.

Telling people is how people tried to keep kids safe in the past.
X is a dirty old man, stay away from him. Don't ever go into that man's house, just because, I don't trust him.

Good question.

If it was a grown woman to a little boy i would find that very inappropriate and assume the woman was a bit drunk or very awkward or something. Or perhaps showing off.
I wouldnt be "worried".

The fact that a willy was discussed by a person who looked very male to a little girl (or boy) makes me feel worried

@RedToothBrush
I don't know if that is right or wrong, it is just how I feel in my gut

Thank you . I hadn't considered this about employment law as it wasn't a "work do" officially but more of a friendly social hosted by a v kind colleague

@Needanewname42
i agree too. I will be doing this. Thank you

Exactly I can't even figure out how it would come up in conversation with a man or a woman.
The dress and beard were a complete trap for a child.
It's just wrong.

Absolutely. I would definitely take it to HR any adult talking to a child like this is beyond nuts.

It’s wrong for an adult to talk about their genitalia with a random child.

It isn’t wrong for a man with a beard to wear a dress (neither does it make him a woman however).

Why can’t people just go down the middle and say ‘their’ rather than completely misgendering? Why are people so caught up in ‘sex is determined at birth’ to just accept terminology probably needs a bit of work but being transGENDER IS a thing.

I have a lot of issues with trans women in female spaces, jobs etc. But the deliberate use on this forum to misgender is frankly disgusting. It’s a deliberate point, rather than even attempting to be ambiguous.