6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

Did you witness this conversation? Young children are notoriously bad reporters. The turn of phrase is very childlike, that's all.

Only on Mumsnet could a mum get trolled for feeling uncomfortable about a grown male stranger telling a 6 yr old about his penis!

All adults should take a hand in helping kids have boundaries and one of those boundaries is not randomly talking about your penis to surrounding kids!

In fairness, the poster has clarified their meaning.

Taking about genitals is fine in the context of a private relationship between adults. Not ever when talking to six year olds you don't know.

You think the child made that up?

It was an informal family social outside of work to welcome 2 new team members. Paid for by host not work x

I do agree and my DH would also never bring the subject up but they don’t have a need to bring the subject up.

The person who said it could also of just said ‘I was born a man now I’m a lady’ which would have been better but in context what they said wouldn’t bother me. It’s not like they went into any detail about their penis.

I did ask her exactly what she said to her. My daughter is really good at reaccounting conversations, but i do understand your supposition at the same time. I wouldn't have put it on mumsnet if i wasnt sure

They brought it up entirely unprompted. That's a massive red flag.

OP please trust and follow your instincts. This is a completely inappropriate way to speak to child asking a completely innocuous question. Agree with others that trans sensitivity is irrelevant here. There is no context which makes this OK

This. It is massively unreasonable to have said this to any child much less a child you don't know. There are a million other answers that could have been given.

Do you honestly think this is something a child would make up?? Really??

Blokes in dressing 👗 it is not going to enter a child's head that man with beard may or may not still have a penis.

Can't believe people are acting as though the problem here is the six-year-old's question.

The only scenario in which I would discuss my vagina with a six-year-old would be if they were a close family member - my own child, or perhaps a niece or nephew - and I needed to explain basic biology to them. That's it. Mentioning genitals to a child at a work event is just completely alien to me.

If the person had had their genitalia removed then they wouldn’t have the hormones to grow a beard. Therefore I would assume they were still fully penised anyway.

Totally wrong. I would have gone to that person and warned them that is extremely inappropriate and next time police would be called.

So we are expecting children to deny the reality of their eyes now are we?

Your an adult with adult logic. A child isn't going to know that nor do they need to know that.

I don't know there is much the police could do.
While it certainly isn't morally right I don't know that any law has been broken.

I do think Op should speak with HR and make sure they are aware not to have him at family events or just not hold family events. You don't know what he's going to do next time.

Is that definitely the case?

I ask because I'm a woman (the female kind just in case you think I mean a transwoman) and I could grow a full beard if I so wished. Admittedly that's down to pcos, which transwomen can't have. But if a woman can have enough of a hormone imbalance to grow a beard, then can a TW?

It's just occurred to me that some of your colleagues may also have young children- I would have a quiet word with them if you feel able to.

This is the trans debate. Welcome!

All the Be Kind, “live and let live”, “what someone does in private” matters not a jot because this sort of thing is the bones of the issue.

If TWAW then the logical conclusion to that is men in women’s prisons/sports/rape centres etc especially when you’re definition of “what is a woman?” is “anyone who identifies as one”. You do not get to exclude some of the demographic. That’s it, that’s The Debate.

Also, he was very reductive in his definitions. It’s usually us GCers who get accused of reducing people to their genitals. A man is more than a human with a penis.

YANBU. It is completely unacceptable for a man to mention his penis to a 6 year old he doesn’t know at a work event plenty of other ways he could have described himself, no need to bring genitals into it.

But in doing so your are following the ridiculousness that defies all logic.

@Emotionalsupportviper I didn't take it that OPs colleague was 'perving' on her child. If that were the case then HR and even the police should be involved. He was inappropriate in language but that's different from perving!?

Completely agree that it’s unnecessary & inappropriate.

Just thinking that the implication that they had had surgery is probably untrue. Also can’t imagine that someone who had gone through a full surgical transition would want a beard.