6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

I think it's beyond borderline.
He got a kick of some description out of it.
I would not trust this person as far as I could throw them. And certainly wouldn't allow my children to be anywhere near them.

Your second post is 100% correct nobody should be discussing genitalia with a child they don't know.

It leaves you with a life altering decision that there is no going back from. They are called detransitioners. There numbers are growing because many that believed themselves to be trans, having been swept up in the idea while very young and biddable, are now reaching proper adulthood in their mid twenties and realising that the drugs and hormones, plus surgery were wrong and that they are now incapable of having children. Even worse is they have destroyed their bodies and will need life long medical care. And because of the destruction of their bodies find it very difficult to attract sexual partners.

@AndiOliversGlasses I see thank you for explaining @HappierTimesAhead I understand now.

I am definitely am not in the business of making up stories online or otherwise.
What is quite sad is that I am not feeling brave enough to discuss it with friends IRL as I don't want to create divisions on my best friends' whatsapp groups

@JusteanBiscuits nope.
To be described as "Pearl clutchy" is something I find offensive , and sounds like I am an out of touch , histrionic female.
No, I am a modern, intelligent, nuanced professional who is also a mother and thinks about benefits and risks very carefully when it comes to my kids and my professional reputation

@Cailin66 sadly I can't argue with you.

This wouldn’t bother me, I can’t believe some of the responses.

@Cailin66 Truly shocking. This really has all run away with itself

Your reputation, but not willing to safeguard other peoples children?

There is nothing in your post that makes me think your child, or any other child, is at risk. BUT, you aren't willing to mention it, off record, to a manager to safeguard other peoples children. I find that pretty offensive. You knew you were starting a thread that would descend into transpeople being described as sexual deviants, perverts etc etc. Speaking to a manager, and asking them to speak to the transwoman about boundaries could prevent other people being in your situation. But you're not willing to do that, because - well, I can't work it out, as like I said, not even Stonewall would take offence at what you said.

I really hate the 'pearl clutching' label on mumsnet for some of the same reasons you list. You can be genuinely upset/horrified/worried about something and also feel torn about what to do about it.

There was no need for him to say anything like that, if asked why he was wearing a dress he could have just said because he liked it and anyone can wear what they like. I'd not be comfortable at all with him saying this, or anything about his sex, or his belief he's changed sex, to my child.

Agree that it is important to be pragmatic about this. If you can't afford to lose your job, you (unfortunately) have to compromise - you have already said that you will keep your child way from similar gatherings in future. That's most probably the best you can do if your workplace/ industry is captured.

Just make sure that your DD knows that NOBODY can change from a boy into a girl/ man into a woman or vice versa, and that the man in the dress was just being silly if he thought he could.

I guess you are in the minority then.

I was thinking about my male-born and male identifying husband and how he would never bring up the subject of his genitals in front of a 6 year old girl (or boy). He is acutely aware of not doing or saying anything that might make a child uncomfortable or put himself in a situation where he might be accused of something. The fact that this person had zero awareness of that is worrying.

I have also done a lot of training on child protection and grooming (I'm a primary school teacher, so am trained on it annually), and I find the fact that you don't see this man as a potential predator based on the inappropriateness of his behaviour deeply concerning.

Every instance of grooming starts with an initial comment.

You don't have to argue with me, it's obvious you are a caring mother and a kind person. It's not always easy to be brave. Where I work is very much 'stonewalled' by our Diversity policy. It's amazing how many government departments and other large organisations have put safeguarding aside and convinced women like you that you will be in trouble if you report the truth.

Also tragic that you live under the fear of being labelled transphobic to such an extent that you wont report the creep to HR. It isn't even about trans, any man doing this should be reported. And you'd report him if he wasn't trans. Any man talking about his penis to a 6 year old girl is a pervert looking for kicks. And any poster on here that says otherwise is an enabler. That man will do this again and again and he will get bolder and better at grooming each time he gets away with it.

Its not an offence to use the word willy .

There is a time and place to mention your genitalia though and this was not it.

OP, was this a work event as in organised by work, or a private social event you'd been invited to by a work colleague that involved other work colleagues?

There is no need to be so harsh on her. She came on here looking for advice and trying to do the right thing. The people to be harsh with are the organisations that have made it so difficult to say anything at all.

Nobody on here has said all trans people are sexual deviants or perverts. This man is a pervert, and he's trans. But because of institutional capture the OP is afraid to voice her concerns. That is where you should direct your ire, at the Stonewalled government organisations. Where it's become impossible to voice anything negative about trans. Personally I take it with a pinch of salt that Stonewall would take offence, this exact scenario is what they want as they are no longer a gay organisation as they became a trans support agency.

I'm not sure there IS a time/place to mention your genitalia to a six year old girl you don't know. Am I missing something?

Definitely not right to mention a willy to a 6 year old. They could have just said what they said without mentioning the frank and beans.

Agreed, this is an example of not being the time and place and perhaps I should have added the 'who' as well. In the privacy of your own home and with a consenting adult seems fair enough.

@JusteanBiscuits maybe I will talk to HR. I probably will , especially after reading more and more on this thread.
As I said, I think about things carefully and may well change my mind.

To be perfectly honest I did not know there was such a transgender debate on mumsnet- I use mumsnet infrequently for genuine parenting dilemmas as the reach is greater than my homogenous friendship groups .

I think about transgender issues even less frequently in general. No axe to grind here

I'm unclear as to what extent people that dress up as women whilst being obviously still blokes are doing it for sexual thrills but frankly a grown adult engaging with children at all whilst probably doing sex thrill activities is a bit fucking dark isn't it.

I can't think of a situation where this is appropriate either.