To think friend should have reminded me?

[abrabhf]

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

You say you can't afford to pay £200. That's your problem, not your friend's problem. Pay her in instalments if necessary

Exactly!

You owe her £200. You have been a cf

OP l don’t understand the point of your post. What exactly are you hoping to get from the thread ? You’ve drip fed information right from your first post and the tone of your replies to posters asking various questions has been ill tempered and vague. That makes me think there’s more to this than meets the eye. Do you treat your friend with the same snippy attitude you seem to have here ? If so l wouldn’t be surprised if she felt uncomfortable in reminding you, or that maybe this is the last straw if you have form for this kind of behaviour.

She’s not your mother - why would you expect her to remind you ? You let her fork out a substantial amount of money and clearly the expectation was that you would pay her back on payday. You didn’t and she’s out of pocket. So unless you contacted her before the gig confirming you were going, and with a solid offer of payment, and she’s ignored that, then you have an obligation to pay her back regardless of whether it salvages the friendship or not.

I would have at least text to ask if you're going. I'd have said if not let me know so I can sell it. I wouldn't go alone or waste a ticket.

Well she may also be lying and have sold the ticket and /or gone with a friend.

She would also have a hard time legally getting the money back as she made no attempt to mitigate her loss (by contacting the op to ask for the cash or confirming she would sell it by x date if not heard anything)

So yes your behaviour is not great but neither is hers so I'd just leave it now and accept the friendship is over no matter what happens next.

Ugh, there's definitely a personality type I'd classify as organised-and-extremely-judgemental isn't there. She could've taken the pragmatic approach and spent 20 seconds texting you to say "I'm wondering if you've forgotten". Her choice instead was to sit around for months fuming that you've not done "the right thing". You forgot, she's intentionally been mean, she's the one being unreasonable.

I get the feeling this may have been the straw that broke the camels back for your friend. Is she usually the organiser, the one who messages first, the one who pays, the one who puts the effort in? It gets pretty soul crushing being that person. Maybe she's just absolutely sick of trying. You didn't pay, she tried to organise a dinner and you didn't go. You haven't asked about the money or the event at all or tried to man's contact. I'd probably not want you to go with me by that stage either. I'd make every effort to pay the £200, even if I sent her £20 a month until it was paid off.

I suspect this was the final straw for the friend and you have form for this - which explains why she specifically didn’t remind you and let you dig your own grave here.

regardless, you owe her 200. If you weren’t able to pay her 200 you shouldn’t have asked her to get a ticket for you.

I think the OP was hoping the friend would give her the ticket anyway as it was already bought and paid for and they would go to the concert. Probably either promises to pay her back in the future. She didn't expect her to go alone

Why is it on her to ask for her money back? OP is an adult.

And now friend is described as judgmental and mean. This place is so weird sometimes.

Before you pay ask if she sold your ticket.

I'm confused. Did your friend not message you to remind you of the impending gig and that you owed her 200 quid,?

I don’t know why people don’t believe people can be so forgetful and disorganised. There are people like that, who don’t use calendars or reminders and who just generally can’t get their act together.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200

If you can't afford £200 why did you say you'd go? Your friend bought the ticket in good faith that you'd pay for it and you didn't. Poor form in your part I'm afraid, your friend is now £200 out of pocket because of you.

You couldn’t afford £200 then, at time of purchase, you can’t afford £200 now. Why did you agree to getting the tickets at all, on the understanding that you would pay her back?

What a crap thing to do to someone.

OP if you have genuinely forgotten about this then you need to start putting systems in place to remember stuff, calendars, reminders or whatever. My memory is shocking and I can quite easily forget things if I don’t write them on my calendar so I do understand this. People who don’t have these kind of struggles don’t understand. I also try to pay people right away for things or again, write it on the calendar.

It isn’t other folks responsibility to remind you. Having said this I do think it’s a bit odd she didn’t say something. If you have form though it might have been a bit of a test? Get apologising to her if you get the chance.

Why did you agree to a concert that you couldn't afford? You couldn't afford it at the time and now 6 months later you still can't afford it. You treated your friend very shabbily. £200 is not a small amount. You can't afford it, but you seem to think it's ok for your friend to be out of pocket that much.

Your friendship is over. So I suggest you put away €20 a week and pay her back in 10 weeks time. It's gone on this long, another 10 weeks won't matter.

Maybe she should have reminded you, but maybe she felt you were dodging her. Whether she should have reminded you or not is irrelevant. The end result for her would have still been the same. You wouldn't had paid her for the ticket.

If she knows money is tight for you she shouldn't have expected you to attend an expensive event. Hard lesson learnt for her now but it might make her reconsider buying tickets for others in future without getting the money upfront.

Yes OP, as an adult, you are being very unreasonable to think the onus was on her to remind you.
You have made a big mistake and there is no excuse.

The best thing to do is to wholeheartedly accept that the mistake was yours alone. Then put it right as best you can. For example, you could text her again and apologise properly, admitting that you were 100% to blame. At the same time, ask her if she would accept staged payments straight from your account to hers, to cover what you owe her. Then make sure you follow through.

We all make mistakes and we learn by putting them right as best we can. And by never making the same mistake again.

You should pay £200. Even if you think the friendship is forever spoilt

People aren't misunderstanding.
OP is an adult who is presumably capable of finding ways to remind herself.
Or this is actually a reverse.

Agree, but tbh l think this has avoidance written all over it. OP realised she simply couldn’t afford to go and avoided the friend until after the gig. Now she’s being ghosted and clearly realises the friendship is over.

Does your landlord have to remind you to pay your rent? Does the council chase you down for council tax? She’s not your personal assistant. She loaned you £200 six months ago and you forgot to pay it back. Lots of people are uncomfortable asking for money back—the onus was on you.

A PP suggested paying her the £200 now, because it was your fuck up. But you say that you do not have £200 and can’t afford it. What? You had that £200 ear marked for your friend, presumably from your pay in late December. Where is that money now? Sounds like you didn’t ever set the money aside at all. So if she had babysat reminded you sometime between January - now, you’d have said the same thing, “I didn’t put the money aside and I don’t have it.” You’re not making sense, OP.

Seems a bit weird on her part. Why not message and say ‘are you still wanting to go to this gig? Shall I sell the ticket to someone else?’ Things do slip people’s minds. She sounds a bit of a martyr.

“If she knows money is tight for you she shouldn't have expected you to attend an expensive event”

this is absurd. She presumably asked the OP, who said she wanted to go. This is in no way the friend’s fault.