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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think friend should have reminded me?

562 replies

abrabhf · 19/06/2024 21:45

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 20/06/2024 06:09

You need to pay OP, and chalk this down to learning a big lesson. Grow up, get your big girl pants on and sort your life out.

Ellie525 · 20/06/2024 06:12

Think she's has enough of the cheeky fuckery here.. just pay her the 200 even in installments!

knockyknees · 20/06/2024 06:13

It's always fascinating seeing threads from the CF point of view.

AthenaBasil · 20/06/2024 06:13

While I agree that you have more responsibility for how things turned out, it does seem odd that she wouldn’t get in touch before it to talk about arrangements or just to mention it. If I had paid for someone’s ticket and had it with me then I’d do something about and not just show up on my own. I agree with others that it sounds like backstory and that this was some test.

Frogpole · 20/06/2024 06:13

@WigglyVonWaggly It makes me wonder (somewhat enviously) how many fun and pricey events you must be planning all the time if you can forget about a gig this expensive!
So you think that if a person has nice things it makes them inherently bad? You feel that OhPea should use her entertainment budget to buy you tickets to "expensive gigs" while she sits at home watching repeats of Terry Wogan on a black and white TV? Help me to understand the point you're making with this.

@AnneLovesGilbert You didn’t forget though you may have hoped she’d forget you owed her hundreds of £££. You didn’t pay for it so it wasn’t your ticket and she’s given it to someone else.
You've just made that up, it's a complete lie isn't it? It's almost as if you think you're somehow better than OhPea, like you're in a position of authority over her and are entitled to tell her off - based entirely on an event that only happened in your own imagination. Almost like that, but I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation...

@Evilspiritgin you're rather a flakey friend aren't you?, you must have loads of money if you forget owing £200, that's completely cheeky fuckery behaviour

I would imagine she realised what a crap person you were when you didn't pay her back in December , I definitely wouldn't be reminding you,
A "lot" of money to one person can be "trivial" to the one after. That's just how the world is, unless you think communism is a good idea of course... Some people find that difficult to accept, which is human nature but it's not ok to swear at someone and call them names just because they might have a different budget than you - having nice things is not a sign of evil, not having nice things is not a sign of virtue, and the same is true in reverse.

I'm sorry to hear that you think making social arrangements with someone, not bothering to so much as send a carrier pigeon who's got "u gud bruv ye?? 079 me" tattooed on it's tail to them for the next six months, then acting hard done by when they don't show up is a reasonable course of action. When you post those cryptic, passive aggressive pics on insta about how you're a lone wolf and people don't respect loyalty etc etc, please remember that your phone can make outgoing calls as well as receive incoming ones (if you've paid the bill of course)

@Aquamarine1029 You're going on that you "forgot" you owed someone £200. Now that's odd. You didn't forget btw, so nice try. No one forgets that.
Please do enlighten me as to how acetylcholine distribution and the intraneural biomechanical processes occurring within the hippocampus are affected by an arbitrary number on an arbitrary scale. Perhaps some independent, peer reviewed insights on the evolutionary and genetic origins of said traits as well.
Or precise measurements from your own third party reviewed research in to exactly how many pounds and pennies the brains of h. Sapiens Sapiens needs to remember a single aural input, and how low that figure may fall before the chemical cascade required to forget said input occurs.

Either is fine.

No rush, I'll wait...

Somepeoplearesnippy · 20/06/2024 06:17

I’m glad you aren’t my ‘friend’.

lalaloopyhead · 20/06/2024 06:19

She didn't have to remind you, but I would have. It sounds a bit odd. I can't imagine subbing a friend £200 for a ticket that I didn't know well enough to send a reminder. Two reasons, I would want the money and I would want to go to the gig.
If nothing else I would have sent a reminder beforehand on the expectation of being paid even if I thought you had changed your mind about not wanting to go.
No point going nc with you, if she still wants the money so maybe she did sell it or go with someone else.

TinkerTiger · 20/06/2024 06:21

I think friend has been an absolute mug 💁🏽‍♀️

I’ve been in the position where I fronted the money, I’d be checking in to remind to pay, and definitely in the run-up to the event.

Friend could have sold it, could have rung OP etc, now wants paying for it now the event has been and gone. She should have just grown a spine and asked.

Strictlymad · 20/06/2024 06:25

If you can’t afford 200 quid you shouldn’t have agreed to go, why should she be 200 quid out of pocket? I wouldn’t be surprised if she started a thread saying my friend is refusing to pay me money she owes!

PerceptionIsReality · 20/06/2024 06:34

You can't afford to send her £200? Then why agree to go.

Can your friend afford to throw £200 down the pan over your flakiness.

You are utterly unreasonable. She seems well shot of you.

QuintessentialQuokka · 20/06/2024 06:34

OP, you need to beg, borrow or steal that money to pay her back. You have behaved disgracefully.

Bumbleebeetree · 20/06/2024 06:36

QuintessentialQuokka · 20/06/2024 06:34

OP, you need to beg, borrow or steal that money to pay her back. You have behaved disgracefully.

Agree with this. Sorry OP but I think you are being really unfair.

duchessofsilk · 20/06/2024 06:38

I dont blame your friend one bit.

You have behaved appallingly.

TheDuck2018 · 20/06/2024 06:38

Frogpole are you the op?
If not, are you ok, hun??

AthenaBasil · 20/06/2024 06:43

I think if this was the friend posting she’d be getting a hard time too but for being such a walkover and so passive. Who buys something expensive and lets it go to waste? It’d be obvious on the days before the concert that with no arrangements made that the ticket was likely going to waste.

AlwaysGinPlease · 20/06/2024 06:43

@Frogpole in all my time on MN I have never seen such an odd way of posting.

GracieLee · 20/06/2024 06:44

Can everyone here who is piling on the OP in usual MN fashion honestly say that if they bought tickets for a friend they would just sit back and never mention it again and then turn up to the gig by themselves and watch the £200 go to waste? That's not normal behaviour. I'm not saying what OP did was OK, but people can forget. But everyone commenting here is obviously so perfect they've never forgotten anything?

There's clearly a back story here because the friends behaviour was weird. I dont know of any healthy friendship where that would happen if someone genuinely forgot about something they'd agreed to.

YouJustDoYou · 20/06/2024 06:47

I cannot believe you "forgot", miraculously, in just a few weeks until payday that you owed your friend that much money.

YouJustDoYou · 20/06/2024 06:48

PAY HER BACK.

FeralNun · 20/06/2024 06:48

If someone owed me £200, and left me hanging for weeks (let alone months), I’d be reminding them about it in no uncertain terms. And then selling the ticket if I had to. Very odd.

But your behaviour is really poor. Now saying you can’t afford the £200 is outrageous. I expect you’re busy justifying this in your head ( her fault for not reminding me), but really - you can either be a good person here or a shocker. Your choice.

BusyMum47 · 20/06/2024 06:49

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

If you can't afford to send her £200 - now or then - why on earth did you want a ticket in the 1st place?! Did you expect her to fund it? And how do you just 'forget it? You sound like a shit friend!!

HulaChick · 20/06/2024 06:50

Did she say in her message if she'd managed to sell 'your' ticket to someone else? If so, then at least she'd have recouped her loss but, whether or not, your attitude to all this is appalling.

Nikki8762 · 20/06/2024 06:59

abrabhf · 19/06/2024 21:52

No, and she knew I wouldn’t be able to and she was ok with it.

I had to wait for pay day and then I completely forgot.

We all do that, help a friend, I've just paid for tickets for me and a friend. I know she'll sort it when she can, but to promise to pay on a certain day and then you don't. Then you forget. It's a bit annoying. When you've text and called her was it about the gig. Did you mention the money to her? If I was you I'd of been like I'm so sorry forgot to send that money, send me your details and I'll get it straight to you. I know things happen but she. Might of just felt a bit used. I think you've got some.making up to do. Maybe go see her, take some flowers and a card, write an apology in it incase she won't see you and give her some time to think it over. Also, pay her the money because you did say you'd pay and she may of lost out on it especially if you contacted her after the gig.

Ellie1015 · 20/06/2024 07:00

Then pay what you can and pay monthly until debt cleared. You should never have agreed to book if money is tight.

olympicsrock · 20/06/2024 07:03

You still owe her £200. You are so rude!

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