To think friend should have reminded me?

[abrabhf]

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

So you couldn't afford to pay her back even now, I bet you never could so you should never have accepted.

You're an adult and you should have taken the responsibility to put it into your phone calendar on that day before payday. I understand we forget, hell I have ADHD and I know about forgetting. But I make sure I put everything important in my calendar otherwise I do forget.

It doesn't even seem like you've even properly tried to make amends since either.

I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore either. You don't seem like you care that much.

You need to send the money. Even if the friendships over. You not having the money isn’t an excuse, you knew you agreed to the gig and she bought the ticket.

She could have reminded you, but I don’t like reminding people if they owe me money. Just put a reminder in your calendar on pay day, it’s not difficult.

You should be paying even though you didn’t go.

Did you invite her to join you? You aren't a friend to her, you treat her like an occasional acquaintance and she's decided to cut her loses.

Well, you need to FIND The £200 and pay it back to her as soon as you can then. I can't believe what you're saying, quite honestly. She bought the tickets in good faith, haven't reimbursed her and are still saying you can't afford to pay her back.

Yes - I would have expected her to 'remind' you - but from her reply to you, she did try but had to give up because you weren't paying

Sorry -but not a nice way to treat a friend

I find it bizarre that you could forget both the fact that you owed a friend £200 for a gig AND the gig itself. Who commits to a 200 quid spend, knowing that someone else has to shell out initially, and then simply “forgets”?

Yes, I do think it’s weird that your friend didn’t message you to say “All set for Saturday?” and to make arrangements. She’s shouldn’t have to remind you, but I’m surprised she didn’t. However, none of this changes the fact that you owe her the money. YOU committed; YOU forgot. Shrugging your shoulders and saying “But I can’t afford to pay her” doesn’t cut it. You should have thought of that at the time.

Friend didn't provide op with the ticket either so it's not a simple "you owe her" case. (Legally)

If she had given the ticket to op then it's far clearer that legally the op would owe the money.

Exactly this. Wtf.

I'm not surprised the friendship is over, you sound like a crap friend. Start paying her back in installments and don't agree to things you can't afford in future.

You have behaved really poorly.

You MUST pay her the £200. You supposedly could afford it at the time, so you'll just have to find the money now.

Organise yourself better in future and don't leave people out of pocket indefinitely.

I think you’re both in the wrong but you more so. She could’ve asked if you still wanted to go to the gig. However seems you’ve fobbed her off. I mean why couldn’t you have asked her to come with your other friends to the summer event? Also she invited you to hers and you were busy. If you were my friend I’d probably think you were avoiding me. Also you’ve said you don’t have £200 so you were never going to give her the money were you!

Shocking, you can't afford to send her the 200, but tuff shit on her weather or not she can afford to loss 200, no wonder she not speaking to you, who needs a friendship like this 🙈

Op, you are behaving, including your responses to this thread and the initial action, exactly how my 15 year old dd would. I am genuinely worried for her and trying very hard to make her realise the consequences. I am praying it's a stage. She can be lovely but needs to understand how she behaves currently will result in her having zero friends in the end, they won't put up with it regardless of how vivacious she is. She is in the waiting line for adhd, but I think it might be something else. Not sure what. What I do know is you can't behave so selfishly all the time and expect to keep friends.

This applies to you too.

Your friend has clearly had enough and no longer wants you as a friend.

Absolute tough if you can't afford £200. Go without till you have. It isn't your money, it's hers.

Ethically, though, she does owe the friend, @burnoutbabe. The friend expended £200 buying @abrabhf a ticket for the gig on the clear understanding, on both sides, that @abrabhf would pay her friend back.

Presumably the ticket was available to @abrabhf - if she had bothered to a) pay for it and b) ask her friend for it - and as OP is presumably an adult who manages to get to appointments, flights, doctors’ appointments etc, without someone having to remind her, there is no good reason why she shouldn’t have remembered this gig. Her friend is her friend, not her PA or her mum.

Therefore, there is no good reason for her not to pay her friend back. Even if you are right, and the friend has no legal case for getting the money back, I don’t think that is any justification for @abrabhf to decide not to pay her back.

If the friend had resold the ticket, it would be different, but OP hasn’t suggested this is the case.

People are being pretty harsh here. This is something me and my friend would do (although we text on a daily basis)
One of us buys the tickets and the other might pay back when we've been paid. If I had done this I would have sent a reminder to say "hey, can you ping me the money for your ticket"
I wouldn't buy someone a ticket and then not contact them about going to the gig/them paying and proceed to go alone because they didn't message me. That is just madness!

I can’t afford to send her £200.

So what on earth were you doing agreeing to buy tickets to a gig that cost that much?

Unless @Rgh254 this is absolutely standard behaviour from the op. Which one would assume it is, no normal person 'forgets' £200 to a friend. It will have been the straw that broke the back.

Your behaviour has been disgusting, how can you not have paid her back! You need to do so when you get paid in the next few days. You haven't behaved like an adult, she probably feels you snubbed her over the summer event too.

You shouldn't have agreed to go then. You owe her the money, pay up.

But equally, if your friend forgot to remind you, or didn’t remind you for some other reason, @Rgh254, you would still pay them the money you owed them, wouldn’t you. You wouldn’t just expect your friend to suck up losing that amount of cash, whereas @abrabhf seems utterly blasé about leaving her friend so far out of pocket. That is unforgivable, in my book.

Oh gosh, this all sounds so weird

you overextended yourself with stating you would go to this event that you could not afford. Why do you think she should have sent you a reminder? You wanted her to do so to appease your guilt about blatantly not paying her without giving your opportunity to tell her an excuse - however the end result is the same. You can’t pay her. So what difference does it make if she reminded you or not?

You have to pay her back. It's your mistake!
Granted she could have sent you a quick reminder but some people hate having to chase others.

I honestly don't believe you completely forgot either!

@arethereanyleftatall I am ND and very very scatty. I would easily forget to pay someone back if I was waiting for payday, but equally all my friends know what I am like and would remind me, knowing I would pay them back right away upon being reminded. I hate owing people money.

I just think its very odd to buy someone a ticket for something and not chase them for payment or text to make any plans. There must be some misunderstanding or something somewhere. Me and my friends would be exchanging excited messages about what we are going to wear, if we are going to get food or drinks before hand and just general excitement, especially if we had spent £200 on tickets!!!!

In fact I have a gig next week with my sister (paid for) but I completely forgot about it until she reminded me a few days ago. I put it in the diary when we booked it but checking my diary is an entirely separate challenge for me 😄

I am just trying to give understanding from another perspective.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius yes I would still pay them back

Why didn't you go? Did you flake on her as well as refuse to pay?

Yes, I absolutely understand that @Rgh254

Your friends clearly love you for who you are and know you're scatty, and you'll own it.

The problem here is the op hasn't made the leap from, 'fuck, I've forgotten again' to 'I'll pay x immediately with an apology' (as I'm sure you would) but has gone to 'its xs fault for not reminding me and can't afford it so she's not getting it).

The ND isn't a problem, in fact it's mostly blooming awesome people imo 😜, it's the complete lack of self awareness