To think friend should have reminded me?

[abrabhf]

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

Sorry OP but I am #TeamFriend here.

If someone is kind and gracious enough to lend you £200 you go out of your way to get it back to them as soon as humanely possible. You don't 'forget' and then let them drift away without getting that money back.

You need to send her the money. If you can't pay it all up front then suggest installments even if it's only £20 a month or something. She bought the ticket on your behalf with your agreement to pay her back. You need to pay her back, even if your friendship is over and even though you didn't go.

You could never afford the ticket @abrabhf so you were very unfair to let your friend buy it knowing that you would never pay her back for it.

Unless your friend is very pushy and went ahead and bought the ticket despite knowing you could never afford it? In that case the responsibility was yours to contact her as soon as you could to tell her you couldn't afford the ticket and she should resell it.

Sounds like you two are no longer compatible as friends.

@abrabhf

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Then you're not a friend, you're a leech.
Disgraceful behaviour.
I'd drop you like a hot potato.

I go to a lot of events with different people and I keep a note on my phone detailing exactly what been bought, who's bought it, who's been invited and who owes money. It's too easy to forget.
I'm not at all shy to remind people if they owe me money though. I know I would want to be reminded if it's the other way around.
Sometimes I even set up location based reminders to remind me when I get to certain friends houses that they owe me money. I find a lot of people on Mumsnet are weird about money. For example they are happy to sleep with a guy but they could possibly talk to him about money.

This is all on you.

You should have made sure you paid her the moment you could. I've forgot to pay friends (smaller amounts) and when I've remembered apologised and owned it. I would NEVER say "well it's your responsibility to parent me because I don't want to have to be a grown up".

She brought the tickets December and you didn't even contact her for four months. She suggested meeting up (probably hoping she could bring up the money discussion) and you declined and then you've not bothered since.

I hope she sold the ticket on and had a lovely time. You owe her a massive apology

" I had to wait for pay day and then I completely forgot."

Be honest. You didn't forget.

So she's paid for an unused ticket?

The whole situation seems ridiculous. £200 is obviously a lot of money to you, so why would you agree to spend it on gig ticket? Especially a gig you care so little about you can completely forget about it.

How can you forget you owe someone £200, especially when that's a lot to you?

However, in her shoes I don't understand why she wouldn't have checked at some point that you were sending the money/if you still wanted the ticket/if she should try and sell it.

Having committed to the purchase though, if she's out of pocket, you absolutely owe her the money and I'm not surprised she's keeping her distance.

You decided not to pay her. She knows thats what you did. When you can’t afford to pay something you tend to think/worry more about it, not forget!
instead of owning it and apologising or stepping up and paying instalments, you chose to go low contact and avoid your ‘friend’! Now she’s not a friend anymore.
You need to grow up. The right thing to do would be paying her back. She’s likely out of pocket because of you which makes you a pretty shitty person.

This has to be a reverse, nobody could be this dim surely?!

Tickets were bought in December, last contact I had with her was maybe April, I messaged to ask if she was ok, she invited me to her for dinner and I said I couldn’t make that day.

You sound like a very shit friend.

You knew the gig was coming up and that you hadn’t paid but you just chose not to contact her or pay her back, hoping she’d forget about it or tell you not to worry about paying her back.

I would never leave a friend of mine £200 short.
And no one would accidentally forget that they owe someone that much money.

I hope she had a great time and managed to get her money back/went with someone better.

Id feel so ashamed!!
Can you find out if she managed to sell the other ticket?
I think youve got some grovelling to do.
On the other hand, it sounds a bit passive aggressive to not bother reminding you and hoping youd do the right thing, if that meant losing £200.
Are you really young?

You need to pay your friend back. Two hundred pounds is an awful lot of money to be down.

Sorry OP but you are a proper CHEEKY FUCKER and if you carry on like this, you’ll have no friends at all.

Your friend spent £400 on tickets in December because you agreed to go with her and made an agreement to pay her back after your first payday, so end January at the absolute latest.

You clearly had no intention of repaying her because you ignored her for weeks and still haven’t bothered paying her back after SIX MONTHS have elapsed.

You’ve treated your former friend like shit and if she tells others, you’ll get a reputation for flakiness and no-one will want to make plans with you.

Being poor doesn’t excuse your dreadful behaviour. If you were an honourable friend, you could have raised it with her and offered to pay £50 a month but the fact is, you just couldn’t be arsed.

Tickets were bought in December, last contact I had with her was maybe April, I messaged to ask if she was ok, she invited me to her for dinner and I said I couldn’t make that day.

Did you forget to get back in touch with her to rearrange, as well?
If you message a friend asking if she is ok and her response is to suggest you come round for dinner, this is pretty obviously saying "I'd like to have a proper chat with you".

Was this for Taylor swift per chance?

That’s my take on it, otherwise it’s essentially “My friend bought something on my behalf, I didn’t pay her for it or use it but it’s my friend’s fault as she didn’t treat me like a child and chase me up”.

15 year friendship seems very much over.

Are you surprised?? You're a massive CF who essentially stole £200 and then ghosted her. There is no version of this story where you come out looking good.

You have behaved shamefully and, if I were in your friends position, I wouldn't speak to you again either.

Wow so your friend is £200 out of pocket because you won't pay her back :O absolutely shocking

Just transfer her £200. Simple!

If you dont have her back details then i assume you know where she lives so drop £200 in an envelope to her.

This in spades.

But I bet OP has form for this... which is why her friend probably didn't bother reminding her to pay, or of the concert.

If I've bought tickets - and then people can't go, which I did, I think luckily 2-3 years ago, I luckily managed to sell them but the friends who couldn't go did say, they'd pay if I couldn't sell them. Lesson learned for me though really, don't buy expensive tickets when people in the heat of the moment say 'I'll pay' and then don't factor in money. This autumn there's a festival I'd like to go to, have alerted two friends, not close ones, both said they'll let me know nearer the date, which is fine by me! Rather know that than to have flakey friends.

Your friend should have reminded you to pay for your ticket. Plenty of people have needed reminding when it came to paying me back for something. I am pretty good at always remembering. But people do forget etc....so I would say your friend is at fault here. So silly to just wait and wait and hope you might remember. So odd.

You're vile.

Pay the money you owe.

Yabu

I think you owe your friend a huge apology, personally. She laid out £200 for you, you didn't bother to pay her back (convenienently "forgot"), ghosted her and never bothered to stay in touch for months after (probably interpreted as you having changed your mind about the gig, and behaved like a twat by ghosting her to avoid paying her) and now you're getting back in touch to whinge about how she didn't remind you about the gig (you are a FUNCTIONING ADULT, take some responsibility!! it's not on her!) and you STILL have no intention of paying her back!

I'd count this friendship as over too, what shitty behaviour from you.