To think friend should have reminded me?

[abrabhf]

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

you’re acting a bit like pond scum op. Pay your friend back, sounds like you never had any intention to pay her and wanted a free ride.

shes well rid of you I’d say.

A £200 event gets written in my diary. In red. Circled and underlined.
And put in my phone.
You never had the money to pay so you hid.
You are no friend.

I don't think she should have had to remind you OP, it sounds like she's not heard from you, not received the money so she's decided to take someone else. If I'd paid £200 for a ticket for someone and they hadn't paid me, I would definitely be chasing them for the money unless I'd found someone else to buy it.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

So what happened to the money you promised from the next payday, or the one after that , or.... You have a conveniently poor memory and chose to prioritise yourself over the friendship.

this

Were the tickets £200 each though?

Phew....I'm so glad I don't have 'friends' like you.

I think You still need to pay the £200.
If you can't afford all of it pay what you can until it's paid off. Dont forget this time.

15 year friendship seems very much over.

She hung in there for 15 years, hoping you'd learnt to behave like a responsible adult? I only hope she sold your ticket for a profit.

Couldn’t you do a pay later on your banking app? Mine has a pay later on it.
Or set a reminder (5) on your phone?
I hope she went with a friend and had a brilliant time.

If you can’t afford to send her £200 you should never have let her buy the tickets in the first place?

Its simple. apologise and pay her back, bit by bit if you can't do it all at once. Do the right thing.

You are a selfish nasty person for being so unreasonable towards your friend, I would hazard a guess that you hoped in the back of your mind that as the day grew closer your friend would waiver the money and still let you attend the gig with her? I'm glad she still went and I really hope that you do the right thing and pay her back even if it is in installments. Don't agree to go anywhere with anyone if money is involved and you can't afford it at the time.

So why on earth did you ever agree to go to the concert if you still can't afford to pay her back over 6 months later.

It isn't surprising that the friendship is over tbh. Borrowing £200 and then just "forgetting" about it as if it isn't a big deal is hardly the behaviour of a decent friend.

I can understand what op is saying, I have a memory like a goldfish some people are really good with diaries etc but I forget to put it in the diary in the first place!

It sounds like op would have paid & gone if she hadn’t of forgotten about it entirely. Maybe if the friend had sent a text saying don’t forget the concert & the £200 it would have been different but of course that is not her friend’s responsibility & it does sound like your friend already felt let down by you in some way before this op… so she was almost testing you and you failed…

It's very odd on both counts. You do sound pretty flakey so really she should have messaged you beforehand just as a reminder. My best friend can be a bit like that, lovely but flakey so I just send her a message saying something like "don't forget about next week, we need to sort times out etc" so it does seem a bit strange that it was just radio silence. Presumably you're not that close anyway otherwise surely in daily/weekly messaging the gig would have been mentioned. She shouldnt have to message you as its courtesy to actually remember/stick to arrangements you have made and pay money that you owe, but yeah you sound a bit disorganised. Have you not heard of a calendar?

BUT.....this one is on you really. You say you can't afford to give her the £200 but surely you knew when you booked it, you would need to come up with the money. Sounds like one of those things you agree to at the time, then regret it after so you've just ignored it, deliberately never mentioned it and was hoping she would go with someone else.

Sounds like its the final straw for her and to be honest, if my "friend" let me down when I had paid £200 for the pleasure i would be knocking my friendship on the head too.

You’re actually not going to pay her? That’s fucking awful. She’s paid £400 to go to a concert on her own.

You obviously never had the money and it looks very much like you avoided her deliberately.

I only hope your ‘friend’ can afford to lose £200. You are unbelievably selfish.

You say the friendship is over, but in truth you've lost the friendship because of your behaviour. Nothing more to it really.

It's understandable that people forget dates. I have adhd and can easily forget stuff like that, so I keep my diary on my phone and always put things in instantly as it will not happen otherwise.

Forgetting that you owe a friend £200 is in a different category though. That is a lot of money to most people, and just forgetting about it isn't acceptable. It implies that you don't really give a toss about the other person.

As to whether the OP would have paid and gone...well, she is now saying 6 months later that she can't afford to pay the debt, so I'm less than convinced that she ever had any serious intention to pay.

You must have a shocking memory. Forgot you owed someone £200 and forgot the gig.

What a lovely friend you are 🙄cf.

I have adhd and I have a memory like a sieve. But I respect my friends and put strategies in place so that I don't forget stuff which affects other people.

Op, you need to pay for the ticket. I think there is wrong on both sides here. I have a friend who forgets to pay me for things sometimes but I know and trust my friend. She has a very, very busy life. Her forgetting isn't malicious and when I send her a reminder she is very apologetic and pays straight away. But I do send her a reminder. I don't understand why your friend wouldn't have done this if she wanted to go with you. That said, I wouldn't let someone buy me a ticket for £200 and then forget to pay. It would be lodged in the front of my mind until I had paid, so ultimately the responsibility it yours and you should pay her back, apologise for forgetting, and chalk it up to experience.

Usually I’d somewhat agree, or at least not be too pissed off about having to remind a friend about the money they owe and put it in a “hey, very excited for the upcoming gig, shall we grab dinner/drinks first? Could you make sure you send the ticket money by next week please?” However, it sounds like OP probably has form for this and her friend was okay with losing £200 to rid of this flakey entitled friend.

How many times should friend "mention" it

If op forgot £200 and forgot a gig I don't think she would remember a small text saying please pay do you?