Clare’s law application - did I make a mistake?

[Northerngirl345]

I have a friend, let’s call her Susan.

Susan met Brian on a dating app last spring, they were engaged and living together within 8 weeks. There were A LOT of red flags but I tried to ignore these as Susan seemed really happy and was very “swept up” in it all.

As time has gone on, Brian’s behaviour has become more erratic and controlling. His past seems a bit shady…he has a poor relationship with his ex-wife and grown-up daughter.

With this in mind, and with the wedding approaching next month, I made a Clare’s Law application today. My thought was that if I really did have something to worry about, they would tell me and then I’d know whether I should speak to her. They contacted me straight away asking for her mobile number so that they could speak to her.

Now I’m panicking. I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid and I’m worried that Susan will find out it was me and think I’m trying to ruin her happiness.

I don’t know what I thought would happen. She has a little boy and I had to include his details. What if they call the school? What if they tell her it was me? Have I been really daft?

Does anyone have any experience of using the Clare’s Law service? If they call her, what will they say?

Hypothetically... If I had been in a relationship with someone who abused me, and I managed to escape, the very first thing I would do if I found out he was in a new relationship was invoke Claire's Law.

Hypothetically, if I was a family member of someone who I knew was an abuser, I would invoke Claire's Law every time he started a new relationship, especially if children were involved.

Etc.

The list of people who would want to protect women from him is probably quite long, and quite possibly most of them on his side of the story.

You did the right thing.
You may never know what the police say to her, or what she'll do with the information, but you did what you could.

OP you are such a good friend - even if she does not think it!!! (if she ever finds out)!
well done, i would do the same!

So did the police tell your friend that someone had made a Clare's law application?

Did they disclose that was you? Or did you tell your friend?

@brightpompoms

The police came to see me for more info and then they went to see her. She worked out it was me and I went to pick her and her kids up and they stayed with me for a few days until he'd been removed.

@Northerngirl345 find myself wondering about you and your friend at regular intervals in the day - I hope she is safe and that you both still have each other.

Nothing to report, I’m afraid. The police never came to see her so I’m thinking (hoping) he doesn’t have a shady past after all.

How do you know they didn't?

I had this recently. A phone call from the police because someone had made a Claires Law application against my husband and they "needed to speak to me face to face to make me aware of his past"

And his past was? Things I was already fully aware of because hes honest with me - an incident from when he was 15 years old, in school, where he had a fight with another pupil and the police were called. And another when he was 19 and had an argument with his mum, some objects were thrown by both of them, and then she threatened to call the police so he called them himself🤣

The way the police were acting on the phone I thought they were going to tell me he had murdered his exes. The whole thing was ridiculous and I can't believe any of that is still on his record considering he's nearly 30. And I'm pretty sure the person who made the application only did it to cause drama - hoping something more sinister would come up.

You only need to feel guilty about making the application if you're not actually concerned about her. If you have genuine concerns then don't feel bad.

I suppose there’s a chance they did.

@Northerngirl345 its b possible they did visit but she wants to keep it quiet

Well, I hope so. Or, I hope there was nothing to worry about. Either way, I tried.