To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Good, nobody's asking you to. I'd consider what impact your bad attitude might have on your children before you start judging anyone else.

I’d have to reply ‘honestly I have no response to this rude text. I looked after your daughter if you have specific dietary needs you need to express them and she’s probably better on paid childcare.’ Then I’d leave it.

I think I'd just message back, "no" and leave it at that!

I’m actually really fussy about what my kids eat and hate junk food etc. I’d have been annoyed but wouldn’t have said anything! Also you were doing her a favour so stranger to say something. I can see why she was annoyed though if she sent a packed lunch (although I guess I can’t see why she said anything to you)

@LazyGewl absolutely, if someone is kind enough to mind your child for the afternoon, you accept that they might not do things the same way as you. You do not criticise (assuming child is kept safe) and you say thank you. That's basic manners, even if they've let your child mainline haribo all day! What you don't do is speak to your friend like they are the hired help!

All that aside, the child isn't going to die from being fed two slices of cake. Even if they are big slices

The 'friend' was really rude and OP shouldn't just let that pass imo.

I'd actually be quite embarrassed that I'd not sent enough food for my child and that my friend needed to feed her extra. I'd thank her for not letting my child be hungry!

The mum seems unaware that children have growth spurts and on some days are ravenous. There will be other days when the child isn't so hungry and it will all balance out in the end.

I suspect any cordoning off certain foods as for special occasions only is likely to lead to eating disorders. A healthy diet is varied. It is also not regimented as if it were a military operation, but nuanced with lee-way for visiting friends, having come third at sports day so let's cheer ourselves up with buttered crumpets and cheese spread, sitting by the fire.

Seriously?!🙄Sorry but your attitude to food, as in 'not eating cake on 'random afternoons' but only on 'special occasions', seems as warped as the unreasonable and irrational mother of the child in question!!😏Even if that were a notion worth considering perhaps being a visitor and made to feel welcome in another household could be considered 'special'?🤔If the mother was capable of rational thought she would realise that at 7 years old, having a little extra food and (shock horror!) TWO pieces of CAKE was not going to set her child off on a road of binge eating and calorie counting! There are 'sensible' eating habits and then there is paranoia, over-reaction and downright rudeness!!😱

I hope no-one would address 'the Help' like that.

Um…. No! Because she would need to have insulin before a meal and the parent would need to be informed. I don’t just leave my type 1 child anywhere without insulin and hypo treatment. School is the only place they go where people are trained to look after them.

I'd want to forward the message back to her with a line like "It continues.. " and a row of laughter. Let her stew on that.

Restricting cake not helpful with spelling though it seems.

OP @jerkorperk
This is your reply.

("Oh, thanks so much for reminding me I'd completely fogotten about your rude message . Here's my response. "Feck off you ungrateful cow" )
You could add in xxx.

That really ought to do the job.

Yes. A diabetic child’s condition should be made known to anyone looking after them. Difficult to believe a parent would overlook this.

Imagine thinking that the scenario where the child is diabetic explains this. If the child is diabetic then it’s even worse, the mum isn’t fit to parent and has put her child at risk, sending her out without telling people she’s diabetic and what to watch out for, plus without insulin or sugar.

If the child was diabetic you can be sure her mother would have included that information in her rude message after she found out what her DD had eaten especially having eaten cake.

Since mum has asked you why you haven't replied, I'd tell her you were giving her some time to find her manners and apologise

Yes, my husband grew up in a house with no sugar (his dad was a dentist) and everything was really bland. He is now a complete junk food fanatic, always picks up a soft drink and packet of something when he is near shops. He always has chocolates hidden away. It's really bad!!

I think the problem with getting children to have healthy attitudes around food is indeed that so many parents don’t.

It is “ all or nothing” ; and the disapproving posters on this thread reeling at two slices of cake when visiting at another person’s home (as opposed to every afternoon) are an example of the unhealthy extremes brigade.

Two slices of cake isn’t the problem: it’s two slices several times a week every week because of an unhealthy obsession (often because of a denial factor) that is the issue.

Please don't follow the suggestions here, which could lead to you falling out with your friend big time. Ime people can get terse when they are stressed. There is a reason for her response. I am not saying that you should accept it, but I think it is important that you keep your cool and not be reactive. You can assert yourself without being as rude as she is. That gets you nowhere and just makes a situation worse - trust me, I speak from experience and wish I had taken my own advice. Especially where children are concerned there is no point in being combative.

I don't disapprove of the cake element, I think an extra plate of food on top of a packed lunch, then 2 slices of costco cake and then popcorn is way too much for a petite 7 year old (especially if OP suspects that she may have a restrictive diet at home) and will likely have made her feel unwell later.

Extra food if she was still hungry and/or a slice of cake for afters I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, my MIL does that with my DD, and IMO it's part of being treated at someone else's house, but if she gave her two dinners, two puddings and snacks I'd be pretty ticked off if I'm being honest and probably would have said something, there was no need for it, it's not about hunger at that point, it's more about the caregiver needing to provide/be liked then it is the girl not going hungry, she was never going to starve, even if she had just stuck to her packed lunch.. the girl never actually said she was hungry if you've noticed, just that she wanted to 'try' some of what OP was having.. she may not have even known about the cake at that point, but then of course would naturally want some of that when it came out.

No matter what you all think about the mother, or the daughters eating habits, it is not up to the OP to overcompensate for that during the 4 hours(?) that she was looking after her, OP said she was a petite girl, but not underweight, so her mother is obviously not starving her as some of you are insisting on.. she may have had plans to go out that afternoon/night for a family meal.

IMO the mum WAS rude about it, but OP gave the girl too much in one sitting, wrong doing on both sides. If I was the OP and I knew I was right in what I had done I would 100% have replied and gave the mum her attitude back and not felt the need to pose the question online, OP obviously has doubts whether she gave the girl too much.. the mum thinks the girl was given too much.. I think the answer if pretty clear.

I would reply “how do you mean, ‘in the future’? “

But possibly say “You didn’t actually ask me to observe any food restrictions. If I do look after her for you in future perhaps be explicit”

Kids have weird appetites. Some days, they'll eat tons and other days they'll eat barely anything.

But let's assume you're correct and the 7yo felt sick all evening.

She's learned that when you eat too much, you feel sick. Next time, she'll consider that if she chooses to eat more food than she's hungry for, she'll feel sick later.

She'll be absolutely fine by the next day.

Absolutely right, I've been thinking this for ages on this ridiculous thread but couldn't formulate such a eloquent response. The mum was rude and ungrateful, no doubt about it but people are using that to completely justify OP's irresponsible behaviour and insist she's a saint amongst us. Both parties are in the wrong here.

Absolutely, it would be a lesson learned, but you can't really blame a 7 year old for overeating lovely stuff that is put down in front of them, the girl may have even felt that she had to eat what she was given out of politeness, which clouds the issue slightly because she doesn't know OP very well, and isn't sure what is expected of her when at her house. If she eats a good diet at home with normal amounts/normal food she may not even realise how bad it makes you feel to eat to excess, especially super sugary stuff.

Like that time when we won coconuts at the fair, I ate a whole one then spent the evening throwing up.. sometimes as a kid you just have to learn the hard way! Not very good if you've got plans that evening though!

IMO It really is up to the care provider to use a bit of common sense when looking after other peoples children, even if it is for free, not to give them more then is a 'normal' amount of food just because you think they should eat more and you think they are hungry (even though they haven't actually said at any point that they are hungry). You shouldn't have to specifically be told not to feed them an extra dinner and then two puddings and then snacks at drop off, the same as you shouldn't be told not to let them play with knives or go to the shop on their own etc, it's pretty basic stuff.