To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

You’ve not done anything wrong at all
is have done the exact same
I also have a toddler who survives on air and maybe so
e biscuits and blueberries so I’ve never had to say no to more food ever
If it was me I’d have assumed the packed lunch was just to be kind/ not put you out and I’d have made my own as well so everyone has the same especially if the kid has asked can she try you’re of course going to include them and you said she’d left some of the second piece of cake anyway so it’s not like she’s ate too much like others are suggesting. If I had a friend watch my child I’d let them eat as much as they wanted and even if it was all junk I’d put it down to a put off treat with their pals . If the parent was that bothered they should have said look is it ok if they only eat their packed lunch theyve got a few issues etc / trying to rule out an allergy etc then you would have known and maybe not brought out the cake etc until they away m. You live and learn op you were just being kind and it’s been taken the wrong way

Not eating cake on a random afternoon is not "strictly restricting food" lol!

Strickt diet would be eliminatimg all sugar and sweets from your childs diet -even on special occasions.
Teaching children that cakes, ice creams, chocolate etc. are for special occassions or treats is healthy.

With attitude of so many MN members, no wonder adults and children are getting more obese year on year!

Appropriate text msg from friend's mother would have been: "Thank you so much for helping us out and for feeding my daughter too. That's so kind of you, I owe you one!!"

See I don't think it is. I think if it's freely available it's not very exciting. We always snacks in the house and none of us eat them to excess. They're nothing special because they're always there alongside the healthy stuff. If it was just for "special occasions " I can imagine kids stuffing as much of it in as possible because they knew they woulsnt see it again for 6 months.

None of us are overweight let alone obese!

The thing is, "treat" food is also damaging. Because then you start using it to "treat" yourself when you need it. Which then leads to emotional eating.

Which is one reason why we have such a growing problem. Because people eat emotionally. Bad day? Cake. H is awful? Chocolate. Work stress? Wine.

It would be much better if people just ate intuitively and cooked properly. I cook from scratch for most meals (human, and we work, so not all of them). We bake regularly. DD has basically unlimited access to the fruit bowl (other than right before meals and bed). If there's cake she can have it as pudding. If not she has yogurts or fruit.

As a result, she asks for fruit more often than cake. Because cake is not some magical treat only food.

Bringing kids up to be anxious and guilty around food? What could possibly go wrong?

This!

Food should be food and good habits modelled. That's it. No shame. You ate two pieces of cake? Were they good?

You absolutely should reply to her - it's not too late at all!

I would tell her that I don't appreciate being spoken to like paid staff - that you aren't her nanny and when a person does them a favour, the correct response is 'thank you', whether they entirely approve of the methods or not!

Please don't allow someone to treat you like the shit on their shoe.

'And shall there be no more cakes and ale?' Seems a bit of a desert life-style. Only on special occasions; so birthdays, Easter and Christmas. Three slices of cake a year. Dear me! Why is everyone so antsy about food these days? Cake is a delight. It brightens the day. It achieves what my DD resolutely follows my late DH in calling 'dolphins'. Varied diets include everything, which means cake, quite often, and joy and treats.

That’s pretty sh**ty of her.
I mean it’s a lot of food but I’d be just grateful you helped out.

my dad has my kids after school for me and feeds them so much junk food I’ve had to tell him several times to stop. But I’m talking a cake on return from school, chocolate bar, crisps, freezer junk for tea (fine) More chocolates, sometimes cake for pudding and an ice cream, then he will give them a ‘lucky dip’ which started off as a way of getting rid of surplus Xmas chocolate a few years ago to a thing he does - he tops it up with proper chocolate bars. They sometimes had 2 dips!

Also he cares for his Step GS who is diabetic!! He gets the same!
I’ve really moaned and he’s cut out the chocolates and the ‘dip’ now is for the next day. But it’s still too much sugar and fat etc for a little one in a few hours.

this is a weekly thing and it took me a while to pluck up the courage to put a stop to it.

I would reply ‘I’m stunned into silence hence no reply. Next time, I think it would be better for you to find another person to mind your DC’

I'd go for 'next time?', myself. To be followed up with something along the lines of 'Whatever gave you the impression that I would ever do a favour again for somebody who speaks to me like I'm the Help?' if she's so lacking in awareness that she responds again.

Bit of a stretch. Poor kid was probably just hungry.

So, if someone looks after your child it is such a big favour that they are allowed to feed them loads of sugar (granted, I don’t know what size the cake was but neither do you) and if they bring up the subject that they would prefer you not to do that you withdraw future help? I don’t get it. Op is friends with this woman; surely she can talk to her and find out why it is so important to her that her child only eats what is packed for her.

Rude!!!! Id be telling her don’t worry there won’t be a next time! Find someone else to help out!!

It's how she said it.

You cannot find single peer reviewed medical paper advocating for primary school children having unlimited daily access to sweets.

We are wired to eat as much fat and sweet food as possible as it is high in calories and scarce for masses for almost all of the human history.
You need to teach children that it is not really healthy to eat it as much as they can daily.

But I can already see so many of you will die on the hill trying to advocate for your obsession with unhealthy food.
We all have bad habits but at least be rational and don't impose it on innocent child.

FFS it was two pieces of cake on ONE day? "Unlimited daily access" - what a bloody exaggeration!!

I don't need to. It's what works for my family so it's what I'll continue to do. If you want to promote "treats" you do that.

We may be wired to do that but many of us manage to live a healthy life. So whilst we are all doing that, I'll carry on as we are, thanks.

I'm definitely not "obsessed" with unhealthy food. I enjoy it, but I also enjoy healthy food.

I think you want there to be a problem but, sorry to disappoint you, there's just not.

Tbh I cannot single handedly erase abnormally bad food habits UK got.
Please do continue to feed your children and yourself absolute crap
Imo it sad none of you thinks about impact it wil have on children.

Isn't that great, because it allows you to judge and criticise and feel all superior!!!

What's sad is your pontificating from that high horse - you don't know whether posters here are a normal weight, overweight or obese, but whatever, nobody likes being preached at in a snarky way!

Why do you equate healthy eating with snobbery?

And “ imposing” it on an “innocent” child stood out as 🤪

I think it was Costco

Are you from abroad?