To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

I agree that you have to suck up what's happened, but OP was still in the wrong. The mum's reaction to it doesn't negate that.

No she wasn't. The OP did nothing wrong. She kindly shared her family's food with the child.

If the mother had wanted her DD to eat only what she had provided, then she should have made that clear. Isn't it obvious if she was there over a mealtime the child might be offered a share of what everyone else was having?

Good grief this thread is mad! 😆😆. So what if the OP gave the other child two slices of cake, and so what if the child ate some carbohydrates? So long as she's not gorging herself on six slices of cake and pie and chips every day, then I really doubt it's going to have done her any harm. And it would have been a lot more enjoyable for her than fruit and vegetables. Part of having a child for tea, or looking after someone's child, is giving them something they like to eat, unless a parent had specifically told me not to give them particular foods.

In this case I think it was incredibly rude for the other parent to question what the OP had given her child to eat. Or maybe she was just miffed because the child clearly enjoyed the food at the OP's house more than what she gives her.

my main issue is how anyone eats 2 slices of Costco cake they're the most overt sweet cakes on the planet in my opinion 🤣🫣
would I be delighted if my kid had 2 slices of cake - no maybe not
would I have mentioned it to either the parent or the child - hell no
would I have cared about the 2nd meal that was given - only to be delighted and grateful that the child got to taste something new and also enjoyed a full tummy

I would always provide a pack lunch if someone were babysitting for me even family - not to control the food they eat but to a) ensure the child has some food they like that's good for them and b) to ensure the babysitter understands they don't "have" to find food for my child as I know it can be expensive and sometimes problematic

if and only if it were a regular babysitter (like 1-2x a week) I may (may) mention about having 2 cakes if it happened every single time but I'd be a bit more polite just saying I appreciate everything they've done and the child had a marvelous time and they have been generous with food but could sweet treats be offered slightly less frequently and maybe only a single slice

the comments on here are deeply alarming and speak to a huge diet culture problem in our society

It depends on the cake. I could eat considerably more than two slices of some cakes and I've been known to demolish an entire cherry Madeira cake in one go. I would never have sent my daughter to someone's house with a packed lunch - I think it's incredibly discourteous and children need to learn not to be fussy and to eat what they're given - obviously it would be very different if a child has allergies.

Christ, this thread. Peak Mumsnet. Might as well shut down the forum now. We can go no further.

If they were to share childcare. Favours are typically reciprocated. An arrangement to babysit for each other (or just one for the other) would not work going forward. The parenting styles are completely incompatible.

Reply
‘In future ?’ With a laughing face 🤣

Have you seen the size of a Soreen bar recently? It will have been a lunchbox mini. You couldn’t stuff a chicken’s testicle in it, let alone make anything approaching a sandwich ( well rooster’s testicle…)

What? No one said make a sandwich out of a soreen bar.

Also, size doesn't matter. Those lunchbox minis have more carbs and calories than a slice of bread.

That's not the situation though is it? There's no mention of it being reciprocated. Op did the friend a favour. The friend was ungrateful. The end.

But there was no bread. Weirdly I also think for someone who has issues with food or health or whatever a screen is a really weird crap choice of carb. But anyway saying swap a soreen for bread and it would be fine, well yeah....? But that's not what she sent?

Seeing as you prefer to pick one post to comment on instead of following the conversation, I'll say this again -

Why are people saying there were no carbs in her lunch? She had a Soreen bar. That's at least 17g of carbs. That's more than a slice of bread. And there are carbs in grapes.

Just because she didn't have a pile of pasta it doesn't mean carbs were "missing".

Multiple people have said that there were no carbs in her lunch. Bread, rice, potatoes, and pasta are not the only forms that carbs come in. Her lunch was not lacking carbs. If her carbs had come in the form of a sandwich, it would not have made it a better lunch than it already was.

A chicken and cheese sandwich is lunch. Chicken and cheese with carbs on the side is lunch. There was nothing unbalanced about her lunch. As we don't know what her breakfast and dinner and overall diet look like, no one can actually say that her lunch was not enough.

Leaving aside the fact that extra food was given to the child over and above the 'packed lunch' provided which may or may not have been adequate, we can't know that, the reaction and the attitude of the mother to the friend who offered to look after her child was appalling in that it was unfriendly, unnecessary and frankly as most have said, actually quite rude and unpleasant...This was a perfect example of 'it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it'...Personally I'm with the majority who thinks that she totally over reacted and should not maybe have sent the child with food in the first place? This to me infers that she did not trust or respect her friend's capability to feed her child for a short space of time and if that was the case she should surely have found an alternative sitter?🤔 This is a storm in a teacup, the child didn't need to be rushed to hospital with a sugar overdose, in fact all that happened was simply that the obvious 'control' of the mother was questioned which displeased her and the extra food wasn't really the issue at all?! 🙄

I agree. The mumsnettery is pure and complete.
End it there and go out on a high I say.

@happyhippo1 because only on Mumsnet are there kids with these rare eating issues etc!

It wouldn't have made it a better lunch in your opinion. In my opinion, it would. A sandwich is more filling than a tiny soreen imo.

Op literally said her 2yo would have still been hungry. It's reasonable to assume from that it was a small portion. You don't have to agree with me but you bleating on about 17g of carbs isn't going to change my mind.

I'm not trying to change your mind. I wasn't even talking to you 🤪

And if the OP's two-year-old would still have been hungry, then maybe that's because the OP gives her daughter a small breakfast. You can't say it wasn't enough for the other child without knowing what the rest of her meals look like.

…

Really & truly people are so ridiculous on here & in real life it would seem! How does it matter at all that a kid overate on one occasion whilst being babysat due to the kindness of a friend/ neighbour doing them a massive favour!

The mother was outrageously rude to send that text instead of a heartfelt thank you for helping her out when she was stuck.

The op was kind to include the child in their meal while she was there & not make her feel unwelcome by leaving her out when they sat down to eat together.

Who cares if she ate more than usual on that one day?

Why do people get so worked up over the smallest things? When my dd was that age (& she was also a small petite 7 year old) I would have been so grateful to any friend who helped me out if I was stuck that it simply wouldn't have occurred to me to berate them afterwards about what they'd fed them.

Op literally said her 2yo would have still been hungry.

Op has never said that.. not once.. ever..

you’re literally just changing the facts to suit your argument.

Somehow I feel the point of food is being lost here. Food is to enjoy. The meal given to the 7 year old seems a bit basic - nothing there to tingle the tastebuds and build a good relationship with food.

It’s not your job to ‘build a good relationship with food’ for a child who you don’t know, who is in your care for a few hours.

and feeding a child to excess, or encouraging a child to eat to excess is not ‘building a good relationship with food’ either so your point is totally moot, I’d say that’s worse then her ‘not having enough carbs’ for one meal, one time.

The girl is not underweight, she’s a perfectly healthy, normal weight 7 year old, you are judging the mum and daughters whole eating habits and lifestyle based on one packed lunch, of a healthy happy child.

you have no idea why she sent the meal she did, which the op even says was adequate, trying some of OPs food and/or having a bit of cake for afters would have been perfectly acceptable by anyone’s standards, feeding her an extra plate of food and slices of cake until she physically couldn’t eat any more, when the girl hasn’t expressed that she is hungry or even wants any more is just bizarre IMO.

Sorry, I'll.corrext myself. She said her 2yo would eat similar. Ie. Not enough for a 7yo.

She said there ‘was nothing wrong with the original lunch, my dd(2) would eat similar’, she thought the child was still hungry as she ‘asked to try what op was having’.

if she was still hungry (which is not what she said) she could have topped her up with a bit of what she was having and/or some cake after, not serve her up a other plate of food, and 2 slices of cake on top of that, which the child didn’t even ask for.

it can be inferred from what was supplied by her mum that that is the amount she would normally eat at lunch and you know she’s a healthy normal weight because op has said so, so no issue with starvation etc..

i think op meant well but got too caught up in wanting the child to like her to use her common sense to think that food of that quantity could make her feel unwell later in the day.