To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

Wow! That's insane.

I think just don't do it. Still join in any normal celebrations, eg a cake in the office or whatever. Surely nobody will say 'I noticed you didn't post me a birthday card?'

I can't work out of it's batshit or actually a really sweet idea. I think I'd just suck it up to be honest and do it. It's only paper... surely everyone chucks it in their recycling bin afterwards anyway.

I would just do it. The cost of a card and a stamp is very little, and being part of a team where people are friendly and welcoming is worth a lot in my opinion.

I don't think I'd want to give everyone my home address tbh 😂

Who is sharing their personal details?

Dd's birthday was yesterday.. One after another the staff got a call to the bosses office.

They were all worried. Dd told them it would be to sign her card!! Their rule is birthday person takes cakes in. Why not suggests they start that instead? Be cheaper and less hassle.

I dislike cards. I do them for kids birthday parties so they know which gift was ours, and we do them for our parents, but that's it really! DH and I make them for each other with DSs help for things like anniversaries etc.

I wouldn't really want to join in this tradition, but I'd feel pressured into it...

A card and stamp still costs less than buying the birthday person a drink in the pub, so I’d suck it up and join in. There’s probably a backstory to it, but even if not, it’s not worth causing conflict over.

I'd say that it was a lovely idea but that you didn't send cards - to anyone - for environmental reasons. You can't be the only one who wants to escape that nonsense.

How can I opt out without causing offence?

You can’t! Obviously it’s your prerogative not to take part, but you will undoubtedly cause offence! Could you compromise and do a card, but give it to them in the office instead, do you think?

Yes, they are all really sweet, and I do get people saying its only a few pence for a card, which is true, its more the waste particularly in posting it. If I did join in I wouldnt post it I would leave in their tray, that could be a compromise. I think its more the mental load of having to remember 11 extra birthdays, get cards etc. I know its a cliche but I would bet my house that nowhere is there a group of men at work sat around saying "right have you sent John the card for his birthday yet".

There's no way I'd be sharing my home address with people I barely know.

Indeed. There are only 2 ways this is happening: either the OP will be asked to divulge her birthday and address to colleagues OR her employer does this.

The latter is a data protection violation. The former (if it were me) would get a refusal.

I reckon this 'custom' is very probably unpopular with others but they've gone along with it for fear of looking mardy.

Yes I think this would be the compromise. But no doubt they will want my address to post mine!

Could you suggest a new way of celebrating - cakes in the office?

Myabe there is one person in the group who "enjoys" getting lots of post on their birthday as it makes them feel important.

That will be your enemy.

Suggest changing to one card signed by all to smoke them out.

Oh there are cakes as well! Birthdays are very much a thing, it seems...

😁

Everyone in my office gives each other cards. I periodically bring in cakes and always say 'it's not a special occasion but I don't do birthday or Xmas cards'

Maybe be the one that brings cupcakes once a month?

It's only paper that's produced from a really resource intense industry, uses huge amounts of water, electricity and chemicals to produce.

I can guarantee that this practice is driven by a couple of 'queen bees' and everyone else could either take it or leave it, and would really rather not bother.

Just buy 12 cards to start with. Keep them quite generic and then just write them when it's someone's bday?

I would just do it to be honest. It is not very difficult and will create good working relationships.

I agree. Reducing waste is important but I don't think 12 recyclable cards are worth potentially creating bad feeling at your new workplace.

You cannot be the only person who (secretly) hates this.
I would be inclined to say that you aren't that big on cards and are happy for folk not to bother sending you some on your birthday. Speak to HR/your line manager and also make it clear that because you aren't taking part you won't be giving out your address or giving permission for it to be shared.
TBH folk organising things like this really have no idea - some folk may well have much more serious reasons for not wanting to share their address with others!
Maybe bring in some cakes/treats on your birthday for everyone to enjoy, and try to wish folk a happy birthday when it IS your birthday (and if you know about it)

Tell them you're a Jehova's Witness and are forbidden to celebrate birthdays!