To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

Even a cheap card at 59p plus a 2nd class stamp at 85p is £7.34 per person.
59+ 85=£1.44 per person ;
x12 staff=£17.28 per year....

Card factory do ten cards for a pound. Stock up now,OP. NOW!

Are they buying their own stamps or putting them through the office stamp process, whatever it is?

This could be your get out - you could say something along lines of not comfortable giving out home address so best for you to not participate.

I would put everyone’s work email on my Jacquie Lawson account. If anyone queries it say you are concerned for the worlds trees so don’t send paper cards.

No, 'honestly', it's not fine. Who are you being 'honest' to?

Is it a mostly female department?

It seems such a as ridiculous mental load to take on voluntarily!

Get a bunch of cards for a £1 from the Card Factory and keep them in your desk.

Tell them you much prefer giving them personally as you don't trust the post 😂

Other than HR and any personal friends I make at work why on earth should all and sundry have my (or your) home address? That’s absurd.

I thinking marking the birthdays of your team members in the office is a really good way of improving cohesion in the team. I also think sending cards directly to each others houses is crazy - is it a throw back from working from home during lockdown? I think I'd try to join in if with the cards but without sending through the post..

Yes but do men do it? Apart from Valentines cards I’ve never met a man that buys cards, never mind for work colleagues! I just can’t imagine a workplace full of men deciding to post each other birthday cards.

My ADHD brain would fail at this. Barely remember family birthdays and usually buy a card and then forget to send it. I would try but I would forget.

I'd say show them who you are (nicely) on a small hill and when it comes to a big hill, they will know you don't give way!

I don't give a flying fart about team cohesion and never did!

It makes litle sends to send cards to people's homes for team cohesion, or to put the stress of sending cards on people in the first place.

Birthday person bringing in cakes would be an easier way to bring everyone together in the communal area for coffee, cake and a natter.

That's so odd. Me personally I wouldn't want forced birthday cards.

Just buy a pack of generic cards and a book of stamps and keep them in your desk drawer - job done!

It's only a really good way of improving team cohesion if people actually like it, rather than being indifferent or resentful. Both of which are realistic possibilities!

I just can't fathom how people remember, honestly. I never would. Not a cards person and it simply would not stick. At very best, I might manage the suggestion from a pp of getting a stash of generic ones, adding the birthdays to my calendar and giving them in the office. But even that would be a faff.

but why?

I didn’t even send Christmas cards to work colleagues. When they handed me one I’d say (nicely) thank you but I don’t do cards myself. No one was offended, in fact I’d still get cards the next Christmas!

You’re joining a team of 10(?) other people who have an established ritual for birthdays and, as the new person, you want to crap all over it and sour it for them?

Great way to endear yourself, I’d say.

Yes, or maybe a Quaker. Careful though as you make get excluded from the Christmas Party.

So maybe an environmentalist (trying to minimise waste, and fuel for Postman Pat etc.)

There's no 'actually'. Your view about cards being quite nice doesn't override those of us who think they're a pointless wifework nuisance. Or vice versa.

That said, I agree with you if OP doesn't want to rock the boat then handing over in the office fits better with what she's going for. Though I expect I'd end up forgetting and causing great offence at some point, even with calendar reminders and a stash in the desk. It's quite difficult to retain that sort of information when you think the whole thing has no value.

You could keep some in your desk and pop it in their in tray

It's easier to opt out from the beginning as a newcomer. Opting out after a year is worse.