Surprise day trip - sister mad!

[Bellyblueboy]

I will open this by saying I don’t have kids!

it’s my sister’s birthday today. As her present I have booked a day trip to London for us (we are in Dublin). I knew she wouldn’t want an overnight because of her dog.

I have booked flights and a few things for us to do. I have arranged someone to come and walk the dog (our brother).

she is angry because it’s a long day - first and last flights and she says it will be too much for the kids.

we would need to leave the house at about 6:30am and our flight gets back at about 9pm.

I thought in the summer holidays this would be grand - but clearly not🫣.

I have apologised - the flights are non refundable. She and I can’t go without the kids as her husband is away on a work trip and no grandparents are free.

So my question - do you think she will come around? Do I go alone? I honestly thought I was doing a nice thing but she says I am clueless and don’t understand children. The kids are 12 and 16. The 16 year old does love a lie in and on non-school days is rarely up before noon! But he has got up early before for holidays.

I think it's a lovely idea. I'm doing a longer day trip to London myself, coach not plane though! She sounds like she's making excuses, at 12&16 they can cope fine

This is a far point actually. I spent quite a lot for just me & my DD the other week.

Op, take the kids yourself and give your sister a day to herself, she'd probably love that.

Oh and BTW i think you are very kind to do this.

12 and 16 year olds would usually be able to cope but might not enjoy it. My DS is nearly 12 and would probably moan the whole day. He hates being woken up early and dragged around all day.
I don't understand why you didn't find a day when the dad was around and go then. It would be much more fun without the kids!
Also I would have thought the 12 and 16 year old could cope for a day if the 16 year old is willing to babysit.

Hi, I'm a complete control freak and might flip at this ides. BUT... leave me to think about it. Give me time to process the idea. Let me have time to ask questions, and maybe change a bit of the itinerary around and then I would come around.
Just leave the offer there for a few weeks and see what happens.

I think it's a lovely present.
The kids are old enough to cope with a long day.
We're going something similar this summer with two 9 year olds and a 14 year old. It's not even occurred to us that it might be too long a day for the kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

If she has to shepherd the kids through two plane trips in one day you've given her a lot of work for a present.

At 12 and 16 they should be capable of 'shepherding' themselves. They aren't toddlers 🙄

I think you've done a lovely thing with th best.of intent and although airports are a lot actually London city is much more like a train station size and formality wise. She may have been looking forward to a day without the children but in which case she should have said it when the ideas were being bounced around. I do find spending time with my children great but I do it all the time and I'm always 'on' which means I don't have the same kind of day. The idea though that they couldn't possibly get out of bed or would whinge about it / ruin the day feels ridiculous. It's a fun day trip one lady of the holidays. They sound exceptionally hard work, maybe they need taking out of their comfort zones!

It’s a lovely idea, but I wouldn’t than anyone giving me a surprise trip .
it sounds like a lot of stuff, and teenagers, they possibly wouldn’t like it either.

Lovely of you, but you should have mooted the idea before planning anything

I agree with this. If she can’t get her teenager out of bed early for a nice trip then that’s pretty poor form

I would remember this reaction and be less open to doing nice things with them going forward

Agree with this. It’s a really nice idea, something you used to do together all
the time and you’ve included her kids in it to give them an adventure and spend time together as a group. She’s very rude.

Why should the OP do that when going by posters they will be bored and tired all day which is why OP is getting all this flack?

I wouldn’t want to spend the day with teenagers like that who are not my responsibility

I’d have loved this, what a lovely birthday treat. I think your sister is rude and ungrateful. Can you take some mates instead?

I thought you were going to say the kids were 2 and 5 or something! Tell her you will definitely help her to crowbar them out of bed and nag them if needed. Perhaps she just feels overwhelmed

My kids and I (8 and 11) would love this, maybe the 12 year old would like to come with you anyway!

I recently did more or less this trip (train not plane) with a 2 and 5 year old! We had an amazing time. It had its stressful moments but was so so worth it

I'm sorry your sister isn't keen, I think it is a lovely idea. Hopefully she will come round.

Surprises generally aren't a good idea.

on the go from 0600 to 1000? Dragging 2 kids through 2 airports?

I most certainly would be tired, this is not my idea of fun at all!

Not sure what visiting London monthly has to do with anything? I don’t go at 0600 and return at 2200, I stay over and have a great time.

Wow some posters really can't cope with any change in their lives for one day cann they!

People commute further than 1.5 hours into London and others can't manage that for a day trip!

I think its a brilliant idea OP. It's the holidays - the kids can sleep for the next 2 days when they get back if you want. I'd suggest you speak to her again and see if she'll ask the kids what they think.

Also just no…I get up at 5/6am every day.

What I don’t do is have to drag my tween and teen out, to go to the airport, to fly, get a train, traipse around sightseeing and do the whole thing in reverse after being on my feet for 16 hours on and off without catching a breath.

I think this is the point though - it appeals to some and it really don’t appeal to others. That’s why it’s not been well received. It appeals to OP, and many others on here. It doesn’t appeal to her sister, and many others on here. And therein lies the problem. She’s booked a birthday treat which the birthday girl doesn’t like the sound of.

The kids are old enough not to have to be dragged though, they'll no doubt just go with the flow as everyone does in the airport.

This.
Is she a person who gets anxious when plans are foisted on her. Does she like surprises. I would never have organised something like this without discussing it with the adult recipient and respecting their wish to not do it.

Plus it probably takes less time to get through London City than a major train station.

And it’s not one that you have to be at hours before the flight so maximises your day

In answer to everyone saying she should effectively suck it up and be more grateful - are you the same people telling everyone on here that ‘no is a complete sentence’ and women should not feel they have to say yes to things they don’t want to do out of politeness etc?

That is a very strong message these days, and one I have struggled with for years as an absolute people pleaser. It’s taken me years to be able to say no thank you, I don’t want to do XYZ. To not feel I have to do XYZ or person A or person B might think I’m an awful person etc.

Lots of mixed messages going on!

It isn’t a quick lunch at a restaurant when she may have preferred another one. She is a grown woman and is absolutely entitled to say no thank you if she doesn’t want to do something she had no part in organising without being called boring, ungrateful etc.

I don’t fancy doing anything like this. I’m not unadventurous, I’m not sheltered or boring but honestly it is my idea of hell. I. Just. Wouldn’t. Want. To.

I don’t understand why others can’t apply the same principles constantly being spouted all over here, social media etc. We don’t have to smile sweetly and agree if we don’t want to do something someone else wants us to.

Why is being tired such a problem?

Do people really not do things because it means they will be tired?