Surprise day trip - sister mad!

[Bellyblueboy]

I will open this by saying I don’t have kids!

it’s my sister’s birthday today. As her present I have booked a day trip to London for us (we are in Dublin). I knew she wouldn’t want an overnight because of her dog.

I have booked flights and a few things for us to do. I have arranged someone to come and walk the dog (our brother).

she is angry because it’s a long day - first and last flights and she says it will be too much for the kids.

we would need to leave the house at about 6:30am and our flight gets back at about 9pm.

I thought in the summer holidays this would be grand - but clearly not🫣.

I have apologised - the flights are non refundable. She and I can’t go without the kids as her husband is away on a work trip and no grandparents are free.

So my question - do you think she will come around? Do I go alone? I honestly thought I was doing a nice thing but she says I am clueless and don’t understand children. The kids are 12 and 16. The 16 year old does love a lie in and on non-school days is rarely up before noon! But he has got up early before for holidays.

I'm torn because a long day trip with kids can be a daunting thought (mine could be little horrors on day trips even at 12 and 16 🙄😁) and maybe she felt a bit blindsided and WTF? and reacted badly.
Then again if you've already spoken about having a day trip you'd have thought she'd have been more receptive to the idea and excited.
Chalk it up to misreading the situation and wait for her initiative next time before booking, or ask first, that's what I'd do

She said they will be tired and grumpy by mid morning and will spoil the trip.

As opposed to being grumpy and spoiling the trip before you even go?

YABU, sorry. Really not a treat. I think I'd get defensive if presented with that too because by booking it, you are telling me you've wasted all this money and the onus is on me to be a bitch and say no.

Thoughtless and too much pressure.

I would have done this a few years ago. But nowadays I'm so tired, I can't think of anything worse than having to get up at 5am, ferry 2 teenagers around for an early flight, rush to do things in such a huge city, land at 9pm, be home at what, 11pm? Fuck me, it sounds exhausting, and will leave me exhausted for days while juggling kids all.alone and work.

So maybe you don't know your sister very well these days.

@Bellyblueboy the "no kids" makes a massive difference unfortunately!

Chalk it up to experience, don't be too hard on yourself or your sister.

YANBU. The ‘kids’ will love it. What had you planned to do? Hop on hop off bus tours are great for saving on walking, and maybe a matinee show?

Out of interest - why does this bring it so much emotional for you? You seem angry with me yet we have never met.

I get it - I misfired with a birthday gift. I apologised. But I don’t think i deserve this.

what would you do in real life - do you normally insult and attack?

I think it was a nice idea, but it was quite a lot of money to spend (four flights to London?) without checking that it was something she would like. I always check with the recipient before booking something non-refundable or changeable. If you are leaving at 6:30 am in the morning, I presume the flight is not until about 9 am? So you arrive in Heathrow at 10:15, then have to get into central London and leave again by 5 with a busy time in between. However if it’s really just because of the kids that your sister doesn’t want to go then surely the 16 year-old can stay home on their own and the 12-year-old could have a sleepover with a friend or be looked after by some other family – your brother for instance?

To be fair I don't think they did insult and attack?
Just saying it like it is for some parents, I feel like that sometimes.
It's just another viewpoint, not an attack

flying into London city. We are twenty minutes from Dublin airport so though both airports would be convenient and low hassle.

planned lazy breakfast , then boat ride, lunch in st James park , London eye, then dinner at airport. Not too much walking. Short journeys to and from airports.

I have done it all before - but love it, so more than happy to do a solo day trip. Whatever suits.

This
It's just different outlooks and experiences now, neither of you are "wrong"

I suppose I may have over reacted to the tone if that particular poster - and the accusation of being thoughtless. I may have got this wrong - but I don’t think it was thoughtless.

You sound so thoughtful. And must know family well enough to think this would be amazing xx

@Bellyblueboy what I wrote came across harsher than I meant it to, so I do apologise for that. I get that you got overexcited and misjudged the situation. It's hard to get the tone right when writing here.

The bit that would get me really defensive is that you've paid for it. So if that was presented to me, I wouldn't even have the option to say nicely thank you but let's do something else. You would put me in a position of having to be an absolute bitch and make you waste money on 4 flights and have to explain myself, how and why I am too tired, how I don't want to coax a 16 year old to wake up at 5am. Then have to listen to arguments about why I should go etc.

It puts a massive onus on the birthday girl. And now you are going, she doesn't even have the option to celebrate with her sister. That would genuinely make me sad and would take the shine off a nice day.

And I am usually very nice in person and no, I wouldn't insult. I would be twisting myself in knots trying to make it work and when I couldn't, I'd be really upset.

Agreed. For what it's worth I think it was a lovely gift and your sister is rude as hell

I personally would hate it, having to get my kid up and be ready to leave the house for 6:30 would not be an enjoyable day and be totally wrecked. I've done it for a holiday when I had the rest of the holiday to enjoy but the travel day would suck. It was a nice thought but personally I would dread going. However I also think a 16 year old and a 12 year old are plenty old enough to stay home together for a day, it's not even overnight! Unless they are both particularly unsensible. Even more so if their uncle is coming to walk the dog anyway, he could come make sure they're not having a huge row, but they are really plenty old enough.

Lovely gift for some, nightmare day for others. It's something that should be asked about first, not just booked and paid for, but I can understand getting carried away, maybe tell her that's what happened and there's no pressure if she can't go. Do you have someone else you could take OP? If that's a possibility maybe you could say have a think about it, but Im happy to take someone else if it doesn't work for you. Once the pressure is off she might see it more positively. I think my tween would love this, me not so much.

This is actually a really accurate picture of how it'd make me feel too! Guilty for not wanting to go and tired just thinking about it!

I think she might be aware that at the moment one or both of them are likely to ruin the trip - too tired, too bored, just in a moaning phase etc. I wouldn't enjoy this without an overnight stay. It's a long day.

This just seems manipulative to me. There's no such thing as an objectively lovely gift. If the recipient doesn't want a gift then it's a dud gift, however much the person giving it and everyone else in the world thinks it's wonderful.
Edit: sorry posted then realised you might be saying sister was rude to get so angry rather than rude to not want the gift.

This is person dependent. The idea of getting up early, loading up on travel sickness medication, dealing with the stress of airports and flying, and then actually doing anything else in the same day is insane to me. I would never plan a day like that for myself or my ASD teen.

we happily get pet sitters and book hotels so we can travel nice and slow.

Yes rude what she said not that she didn't love the gift.

The thought behind it is lovely and the kids, at that age, should be fine but it's not ideal that it was booked as a surprise. I suspect that she might actually prefer a break from the kids. If you were local they are are old enough to stay home.

As an aside, are you sure you've got your timings right? First flight out would generally mean being at the airport by about 4.30am. The airport can be incredibly busy during the school holidays.

Some of the post reminds me of my sister and I. Before I had a baby we would do lots of fun stuff together. Now it’s different in baby-land. Funnily enough for me, the desire to go out has fully gone. The exhaustion is there all the time.

Sorry OP, but I'm a massive travel lover and I wouldn't want this present. I'm an hour and a half from London on the train and I wouldn't want to do a day trip there, never mind including faffing around going through airports either end. You'll simultaneously knacker yourself trying to fit loads in and also not see enough to feel worth the effort.

You should have checked she was up for this. Just because someone is available on a certain date, doesn't mean they're able or willing to do anything you want.

It's the kind of thing that needs to be discussed before booking, I think.

Personally I couldn't be arsed to fly to London just to have a boat ride and go on the London Eye - only to have dinner at the airport and fly back the same day. Seems like a lot of hassle and sitting around, especially with teenagers who probably won't be remotely interested in either of those things.