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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Surprise day trip - sister mad!

477 replies

Bellyblueboy · 17/06/2024 23:52

I will open this by saying I don’t have kids!

it’s my sister’s birthday today. As her present I have booked a day trip to London for us (we are in Dublin). I knew she wouldn’t want an overnight because of her dog.

I have booked flights and a few things for us to do. I have arranged someone to come and walk the dog (our brother).

she is angry because it’s a long day - first and last flights and she says it will be too much for the kids.

we would need to leave the house at about 6:30am and our flight gets back at about 9pm.

I thought in the summer holidays this would be grand - but clearly not🫣.

I have apologised - the flights are non refundable. She and I can’t go without the kids as her husband is away on a work trip and no grandparents are free.

So my question - do you think she will come around? Do I go alone? I honestly thought I was doing a nice thing but she says I am clueless and don’t understand children. The kids are 12 and 16. The 16 year old does love a lie in and on non-school days is rarely up before noon! But he has got up early before for holidays.

OP posts:
Vodkamummy · 21/06/2024 07:14

Could it be that she was asking you for ideas and is a bit miffed that you just went and booked it without any kind of discussion?

Mamabear48 · 21/06/2024 07:24

I thought you were going to say the kids were under 10 which I would see an issue with but 12&16!! She needs to get a grip and stop being ungrateful

whatfornow · 21/06/2024 07:28

She might come round when she gets used to idea, it’s only one day, sounds exciting and I think they kids would enjoy if they have never been to London before

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 21/06/2024 07:29

She is being a tit and totally overthinking it.

I thought you were going to say the kids were much younger but teenagers, during the summer holidays is totally fine! Maybe she’s more annoyed that her husband will be away?!

I’d love it if someone planned this for me and my kids. Oh just saw she changed her mind and I was right about her DH 😂 yay!!!

BlondeAussie · 21/06/2024 07:31

Why can't your brother and/or the 16 year old stay with the dog?

Then you and your sister could stay overnight and actually relax and enjoy yourselves, rather than one incredibly long day, partly spent in airports.

Nikki8762 · 21/06/2024 07:31

Bellyblueboy · 17/06/2024 23:52

I will open this by saying I don’t have kids!

it’s my sister’s birthday today. As her present I have booked a day trip to London for us (we are in Dublin). I knew she wouldn’t want an overnight because of her dog.

I have booked flights and a few things for us to do. I have arranged someone to come and walk the dog (our brother).

she is angry because it’s a long day - first and last flights and she says it will be too much for the kids.

we would need to leave the house at about 6:30am and our flight gets back at about 9pm.

I thought in the summer holidays this would be grand - but clearly not🫣.

I have apologised - the flights are non refundable. She and I can’t go without the kids as her husband is away on a work trip and no grandparents are free.

So my question - do you think she will come around? Do I go alone? I honestly thought I was doing a nice thing but she says I am clueless and don’t understand children. The kids are 12 and 16. The 16 year old does love a lie in and on non-school days is rarely up before noon! But he has got up early before for holidays.

Now here's me thinking the kids are like 2 and 3 or something not 12 and 16 lol... you are not un reasonable in the slightest. It was such a nice thing to do and they'd love that! Take the kids and leave the sister at home. What a misery!!!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 21/06/2024 07:34

Read the OP's update people!

I think your plan sounds great - it's not a stupidly long day end to end and you've not tried to cram in too much. Have a great time.

Easipeelerie · 21/06/2024 07:36

Her being mad about something that you’ve gone to so much effort over rather than making me think she’s mean makes me think she has big issues and her mind will be going overtime thinking about how the day will be stressful/ruined by lack of sleep/teens not getting up in time and so on. If she’s neurodiverse (not saying she is) then this would totally be to be expected.

Sartre · 21/06/2024 07:37

I thought the kids would be under 5 or something. A 12 and 16 year old can and will cope with this, she is BU.

Nikki8762 · 21/06/2024 07:37

Bellyblueboy · 18/06/2024 00:01

Maybe something else then. She said they will be tired and grumpy by mid morning and will spoil the trip.

I had thought of doing something just her and me - but figured we don’t have much time left with the 16 year old and he doesn’t spend much time with the family as it is - he’s a great kid just growing up.

The 12 year old would have to come regardless as her dad is working away most of the summer, and there is no one to look after her.

Maybe a surprise trip (even just a day) was me taking too much control. She can be quite anxious and likes to be in control.

Edited
Show quote history

If she gets anxious then maybe let her map the rest of the day out, involve her in the planning. We took my kids years ago when they were 3 and 10 and honestly they absolutely loved it, there's so much to do and see and it's so good to visit, Speak to the kids, ask them about it and say you'd really like to treat mum, mum is worried about them behaving etc but it's a great experience for you all. My kids are 12 and 20, my 20 year old can be worse than the 12 year old lol he has adhd but if I ask and make sure they are good they are.

Let sister know you'll be on kid duty for the day and they'll be fine. My 12 year old is really mature so maybe I'm basing my experiences off her but aren't most these days? X

Sixtygoingonthirty · 21/06/2024 07:38

to start, I havent read ALL comments but I have read all of yours! Fantastic result …. I’d love this as a birthday surprise. I really can’t understand normally heathy people being ‘too tired’ for a long day! (Especially a fun one).

I’m nearly 60 but my step-daughter and I have regular trips to London. No flights involved but 2 hour train trips each way. We walk everywhere, we stop regularly for food & drink, we laugh and we love it. We take early trains there, late trains home to make the most of the day. We regularly do over 25000 steps on a day trip. Yes, I’m bloody knackered the next day but I catch up on sleep, the fun and chance to be together far outweighs any downside. The kids are going to be on holiday so what’s stopping them having a day in bed the day after (or 2 days!). I’m so glad you’ve got it all sorted and sounds like a great family day out planned. I’m a little envious- have fun!
PS - I think you sound a great sister!

Danni1970 · 21/06/2024 07:42

I don't understand what her issue is. The children are 12 and 16 so can look after themselves for a few hrs surely. I think she's making excuses not to come.

Winkyy · 21/06/2024 07:57

What a lovely thing to do .... Can I be your sister

Mrsgus · 21/06/2024 08:05

Do the children have any disabilities/SEN/ASD or anything? Seems a very over dramatic reaction from her if not. They are not toddlers who need naps and have tantrums, one is nearly an adult so I really don't get it. I'm sure they would love it so if she doesn't want to go, I can't see why she wouldn't let them go with you, their aunty.

chattyness · 21/06/2024 08:18

I think the surprise was a lovely idea but honestly I'd hate the thought of a long day trip like that especially when you've got kids of any age to please as well. I think as a trip for just you and her with an overnight stop would have been fun, but as you've already mentioned, it's just not possible.

Glitterybee · 21/06/2024 08:20

I’m from Ireland with kids of similar ages and I think your sister is being ridiculous!

It’s a lovely surprise and more than doable.

Yalta · 21/06/2024 08:30

BabyFever1345 · 18/06/2024 01:08

YABU, sorry. Really not a treat. I think I'd get defensive if presented with that too because by booking it, you are telling me you've wasted all this money and the onus is on me to be a bitch and say no.

Thoughtless and too much pressure.

I would have done this a few years ago. But nowadays I'm so tired, I can't think of anything worse than having to get up at 5am, ferry 2 teenagers around for an early flight, rush to do things in such a huge city, land at 9pm, be home at what, 11pm? Fuck me, it sounds exhausting, and will leave me exhausted for days while juggling kids all.alone and work.

So maybe you don't know your sister very well these days.

I would think something had gone very wrong with my parenting if my 16 year old was going to struggle with a day out

Yalta · 21/06/2024 08:31

Having just joined the workplace after many years running my own business (still running my own business) I don’t understand why at near retirement age I have more energy and staying power than the much younger colleagues

My day regularly starts at 5.45am
I travel into London (2-3 hour car journey dependant on traffic. We take the car because it costs less than 1 persons train ticket)
Today I have a later start but have been up since 7am, done the washing up, about to iron uniform for the next 3 days for 3 of us. We leave by a leisurely 10am and then won’t leave work till 2am tomorrow morning (At that time it is only 1 hour drive home) I am on my feet the whole time and my step count is always over 30,000 and sometimes over 40,000 steps. Get home then straight to bed and be back at work at 12.30pm the following day

6am flight where you can have a sit down and snooze followed by a day where you can stop and someone serves you coffee/food etc and by 9pm you are sitting and snoozing on the flight back seems positively relaxing

Thesoundofscience · 21/06/2024 08:32

You sound very close to your sister. Have fun!!

Phewthatwasclose1 · 21/06/2024 08:34

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Phewthatwasclose1 · 21/06/2024 08:35

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Lavenderblue11 · 21/06/2024 08:36

Next year she would be getting a box of Maltesers if this was my sister!

Yalta · 21/06/2024 08:36

Mrsgus · 21/06/2024 08:05

Do the children have any disabilities/SEN/ASD or anything? Seems a very over dramatic reaction from her if not. They are not toddlers who need naps and have tantrums, one is nearly an adult so I really don't get it. I'm sure they would love it so if she doesn't want to go, I can't see why she wouldn't let them go with you, their aunty.

I was living on my own at 16 and holding down a full time job (Did give it up when I discovered that I had more disposable income if I wasn’t in employment and also got lots of free stuff too. But it was the 70s where on signing on day you met ex managers and middle income employees who had given up their full time job because unemployment and income support, overall paid more.)

Northerngirl89 · 21/06/2024 08:39

I think it's a lovely idea and very kind of you :)

Hopefully she'll come around. My mum is anxious and always takes a while to "warm" to an idea and then loves it when it happens (I just have a bit of drama before hand!)

It sounds like you have, but share all the details with your sister e.g how you will get to and from the airport, If you need passports, what you could do at mealtimes, etc so she feels like she has more control and oversight

And on the kids front, it sounds like you do understand them. I bet they'll love it. And with early flights they can sleep and lie in the next day. I can't see any problem at all.

I hope you're not too upset

Wesel85 · 21/06/2024 08:58

I think this is a lovely gift.....its 1 day of potentially being tired......I have 4 kids I wouldn't do it when they was young but the kids are in their teens as long as you throw in some activities they want to do aswell I'm sure they will be fine......good start to the long summer holidays for them.