No sex for ten years.. DH not able ..AIBU ?

[Tenaciousbeyondallthings]

My DH has severe physical and MH problems after a botched operation.. (he can no longer work but has been handsomely compensated - as was high earner) We enjoy a lovely lifestyle .. due to that compensation (it was BAD do think over £1m ..

I am 56 and haven't had sex since 2019.. previously we had a fantastic sex life ..

I have a 'no strings attached' opportunity. With someone I like (but do not love like I love DH)

Would I be wrong to just enjoy the physical gratification ?

as long as your careful then the dice are yours to roll so to speak

Don’t do it in secret. That’s a disaster. You’d be an adulterer. And a shit person. I’m sorry.

You need to talk to him about the no sex and how it’s affecting you. Sex is a very important part of a healthy marriage.

So, the only options are - (if he absolutely can not have sex with you)

1. You accept that, and don’t have sex.
2. Divorce.

Then no. Depends on how much you wouldn't mind losing.

There are other ways to have sex. It doesn't have to be all about the penetration to be intimate.

Absolutely not! Don’t do it, your DH has been through enough without his wife stabbing him in the back!

YABVU to even be thinking about it.
It is cheating, plain and simple.

Secrets have a way of coming out.

The guy that will be the FWB seems like a harmer. What guy does this?

Who did you have sex with in 2019 if you haven’t had sex with DH for 10yrs?

2019 is 5 years, not 10. Sounds like you’re looking for permission to have an affair. Do your husband a favour and leave him if that’s all you think of him.

I think I would.

You say it "would destroy him". Would you really take that risk?

Hmm cheating is cheating, if you want sex leave your husband and then by all means go off and get your needs met. I'm sure you wouldn't be happy if it was the other way round. What happened to 'in sickness and in health'..!

I'm sorry for your situation. Sad for you both. I think this is one of those situations where there isn't a good option. Do nothing and have to go without sex until death does you part? Awful for you. Take the opportunity and tell your H and cause him huge pain at the thought of you with another man, and much anxiety he will lose you? Awful for him. Leave him to pursue a sex life? Awful for you both when you love each other.
Or take the opportunity, be very discreet with strict boundaries and your H is none the wiser. Certainly seems the least worse option to me.

Can you just imagine the responses if a man came on and asked if he should have sex with someone behind his wife's back because she's been left crippled and in agony, dosed up on morphine?

She probably doesn't want to sacrifice the lifestyle they live (from his compensation).

I'd want to, but I couldn't go through with it.

…but if the situation was reversed and you were the one who was incapable of having sex?

For better for worse, in sickness and in health….

Its obviously not ideal to be in a sexless marriage when that’s not what you want but you have the option to leave if you can’t live with it - you can’t just pick the parts you like and go elsewhere for the bits you don’t like.

If you can’t live without the sex then you have to have an honest conversation with your husband.

If it were me, and I truly loved my partner the last thing I'd want is for them to go without sex from their 40s for the rest of their lives. The next last thing I'd want is to have to imagine them with another woman, or for them to leave me (if they loved me that is) so my personal preference would be a don't ask don't tell approach where they discreetly met their needs and I was none the wiser.

What's the money got to do with the price of fish?!

Why would cheating be acceptable in these circumstances particularly? Because IMO cheating is cheating, and that’s exactly what you’re proposing.

Whoever it is that's offering the no strings bunk up probably doesn't view it quite as 'romantically', for want of a better word, as you do. He's probably looking for an easy opportunity to get his end away and once he's done that, he'll tick you off on his little list and head off elsewhere leaving you feeling used.

It would destroy DH if he found out? Surely there's your answer.

Honesty is the best policy. If you're dying for some action and understandably so then you'd have to tell him. Have a look on fab swingers, Ive heard it mentioned here before, can maybe find someone to visit and involve DH so he'd not be left out.

Yes, it would be wrong. Either be honest with your husband and go from there, or split up. It’s shitty to cheat. Extra shitty to enjoy the ‘lovely lifestyle’ due to your husbands compensation, but then fuck someone else when you know it would destroy him.

Im sorry and I might be a dick for saying but the fact your seriously considering this tells me your only staying in your marriage for the money