Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

I’m sorry to hear your update op! However I saw your other post about struggling with the housework so I suggest now he’s back he had tasks allocated and don’t clean up any of his shit! I’ve had experience of living in a difficult situation with my ExH, sending you solidarity x

Also and as a pp has verbalised, you are awesome! The meal planning puts me to shame!

unfortunately then you might have to sell the house. the problem is, eventually you will divorce and you would have been the main contributor to the mortgage and then you will have to give him half the equity when you eventually divorce and are forced to sell.
you will financially lose out at this point
also given how he has demonstrated he is a massive twat, he is unlikely to stick to the agreed amount (which isn't much... you would probably get more from UC + cms as well as 25% council tax discount) and then you might miss mortgage payments.
finally, in the divorce settlement, you can agree a stay in place order which allows to remain in the house until children are older and then for the house to be sold.
either way, I would reccommend speaking to a lawyer

He’s never stopped paying for the mortgage or house, so I don’t mind it going 50/50, I won’t lose out that way. He actually has 2 homes (one his mum lives in, definitely in his name) so if he really wants to be difficult I can too.

i don’t think I’ll be entitled to UC- I earn over 50k a year, so even if I went to 20 hrs I’d still earn over the threshold. But I wouldn’t be able to reduce my hours and keep my job.

im sure part of the reason he doesn’t want a divorce is that he’s realised what it’s like to do things alone, pick up the kids and make food for them and tidy up and bedtime when I’ve had to stay late at the office. Pathetic

Did you ring-fence the house deposit in any way?

@Littlechesnuttree yes, he is deluded indeed.

No and I don’t think those things hold much water anyway as I did look into it but it’s fine as dysfunctional as it is, it’s not working too too bad atm.

need rates a bit lower before I can buy my own place

@Littlechesnuttree I’ve been there before and it took time for me to be financially able to split. However you can still take turns to have kids on weekend if you fancy some “me” time as well as weekends I found could be claustrophobic and felt like we “had “ to do things together with kids. But cut down what you do for him to a minimum. Cannot believe his cheek rolling back in after going awol.

I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone you can rely on. First your mother cleared out your fridge to feed her dog and now your ex who left you has decided that living with you is preferable to whatever it was he was doing before.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this BS.

Can you perhaps feed your “d”H to the dog?

It's still morning here and this made me laugh WAY too hard.

I was hoping a kind MNer from the UK would volunteer to help her pour a large "2-person occupancy" patio. MNers are helpful with such things, i am sure.

I am happy to see that you sound stronger and more determined. YAY!
Be a momma tiger when it comes to making things good for your kids.

I like to see wives getting their ducks in a row and keeping things straight in their heads, as you are. So, AH owns his mother's house? GREAT bargaining position for you.

As another poster mentioned; don't do ANYTHING for him. No cooking, cleaning up after him, laundry, nothing. Get up really early one weekend day and leave the house, telling AH on the way out that you will be back before dark. Then go out and have some fun, whether it's sitting in a park, window shopping, grocery shopping (right before going home) or anything. Let him deal with the children for several hours. He will either learn to cope or scream for his mommy (we could take odds/bets on which it would be. Let him deal with his own life choices around the house too. Stay LC with your mom for your own mental health.

Most of all, enjoy life and your children and laugh often, under your breath, at you AH as he whines, sulks and mopes.

Or put in a patio. 🤔