Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

I actually really feel for you OP.
Your mum clearly decided to take the meat as payment and has pulled a blinder in turning it round on you.
Next time she plans to come visit, I would say sorry mum I can't afford it. And if she tries to dismiss it, I would say no really mum. I can't afford your petrol and babysitting rates or the stress. So we'll have to see you again another time.
The stress this must have caused you cannot have been worth the sliver of help she was pretending to give you.
Hope things ease off but as a parent with young children, a full time job, a husband and lots of help, I still feel like I'm treading water so please keep in mind you're doing the impossible and probably doing a lot better than you realise.
Good luck.

@evencloser your posts are clearly quite nasty as they keep on getting removed, please get the hint

Hope you have had some breathing space and no contact with your mum after her refusal to refund you and don't see her for a long time.

Do you have a Home-Start branch near you at all? They can offer you some support with your AH leaving and get a breather by having the kids join in the playgroups while you have a coffee and a chat.

I know there may be some associated stigma with the organisation but they may be able to offer you the support your mother should have provided, even if it is just a listening ear to get it all off your chest.

Please reach out to someone, you are doing an amazing job with everything you are dealing with but please don't wait until barely holding on becomes barely able to keep holding on.

Of all the things my exh ever did to me, this was the one that really showed me he was the shitiest person in the planet. All his self centred attitude and lack of giving a shit about his own child were no longer possible to deny, who takes the food from a single mother and her children like that, you would be mad to believe that she believed you have got duck for her fucking dog.

Now you know who she cares about: herself (the dog is a red herring)..

this was the one that really showed me

What was?

Sending single mum solidarity to you ! I know it’s not just matter of food but your time and thought that went into it. And you are stretched for time. I hope at some point your mum will understand the impact on you and offer and apology of sorts - even if this is giving you a hand with dreaded summer holidays coming up which I know is a nightmare when you have smaller dc. Have a good weekend x

Just read all of your posts. My original post was based off the first two pages alone.

Oh OP wish I could give you a hug. Your mum sounds like having another child to deal with!

I hope you catch a break and maybe when she offers to next come down, be busy or have a conflicting set of appointments. A little distance might be good right now and as for her silence and huffing let her tear away and chat to the dog!

Just so we are clear. The ONLY reasonable response from anyone who does this is "I'm so sorry for my mistake, let me reimburse you immediately". Anything else is not worth engaging with.

You are under it at the moment, I've been a "newly single" mum with a parent who has a strange idea of helping, I feel for you.

To actually throw a birthday in the middle of that is awful.

This is absolutely bats*it stupid and unreasonable behaviour from your mum and the "help" does not sound like help.

An immediate bank transfer is the only remedy, I would suggest a text or email with your bank details and leave it there.

You have enough going on without having to enter into conversations with her. As hard as it is, don't engage and if she has a tantrum, ignore it. If she is going to act like a child, treat her like one.

I'm sorry for all of the people on here saying "I don't know why your wouldn't just ask" clearly have more supportive parents than you do. If only they were a little more self aware instead of accusing you, this would be a must shorter thread.

You have done nothing wrong, your mum sounds like a pain and if you can step back a little I would, I wish I had, trying to keep young children happy during a divorce and parenting your own parents is awful and the only person who gets hurt is you.

Do you and the children for a while and give yourself a break. Have a beige food week and fit a lock on the fridge! It is wonderful that you are working so hard to provide them with good food but if you can't do it this week then don't. It's a week and you will be much saner for it.

I really hope that you have some supportive friends, please take care.

I'd send her a message saying- mum. I know it was unintentional but you taking the meat has left me in a financial hole. Please can you send me the £80 so I can rebuy the meat. Thank you for visiting, I appreciate it.

If she sends the money back after that I'd be low contact (good she eventually sent it but still not on she stole and then made a drama). If she doesn't send the money back, complains, or makes excuses, I'd say to her that now more than ever you have to put you and the children first. If she values herself over her grandchildren then you can't have her in your lives at the moment. And cut her off, at least for a few months, until you are feeling stronger. TBH she sounds like the kind of person where it's likely to need to be permanent no contact :-( I'm sorry OP. But I know from my own experience that getting through shit on your own does make you stronger ultimately and feel more capable, even if it sometimes feels like the world is imploding around you.

Stealing all the food I had just got for DS and I for the week, 2 weeks after he moved out.

Absolutely nobody is going to take food from my children and think I’d then wait a month to be paid back. She needs to send you the money to get more immediately.

@Littlechesnuttree
Your dilemma is a right lousy one and I’m sorry.
And what makes it worse is the stress of being new on the job and worrying about money.
You make me think back to my mum - she was always very generous, and we used to have a lot of fun together, but she never once said she was sorry. I always had to be the one to say sorry when we argued. She was proud.
And you know what? I wish she was here right now so I could apologise.
You and your mum will get past this - just lock up your purchases from the butcher.

Wow, that’s despicable! Most parents would go hungry so their kids eat. Glad he is gone.

It gets worse, I was in a low income, he was earning 5 times as much, it was not that he cannot afford the food, he just couldn’t be bothered to go to the supermarket.

Pretty much like OPs mum, having said that, my ex would have thought it twice about putting so much meat in the boot for a 2 hr trip in a hot day.

OP, you may want to avoid the drama but actually the best way to be supported by a mother like that is to reduce contact to the absolute just civil to each other minimums.

So many dog nutters about nowadays. Would rather their dog ate better than their children/grandkids. She probably didn’t even feed her children like that. Crazy times.

What a twat he is. Does he see the kids now?

i know it wasn’t for the dog, but if it had been bought for the dog then she should still have been expecting to pay for it. You shouldn’t need to explain it was for your kids. If your mum took that amount of meat from your fridge she should expect to pay you back.

Have the kids phone her every day to tell her they're hungry.

I have no advice, I just want to say I hope you’re doing ok. Things sound so shitty right now

Your mother is a nasty woman.

For this alone, I would go non-contact.

She took food from her grandchildren’s mouths to feed her dog!?!?!?

Just vile.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. Do you have other support IRL?

I agree with this. I am not really sure what the OP is even asking because so many have suggested getting the money back, being firm and not putting up with this crap and she wont do it so I am not really sure what anyone else is able to suggest?

You'll have to just buy more then if you wont hold her to account, there is no alternative here

Oh no it really was for the dog, at least in part, they likely shared it

If it were a normal interaction with a normal human they’d say oh shit sorry, let me send you the money or replace it, but what I’ll get is emotional blackmail, nasty snide comments, then she’ll melt down, feign a panic attack or something and then I’ll have to start calming her down before she threatens suicide or something stupid

and you had this woman over to your home to “support” you? this woman was left alone with your children?

OP, she sounds like someone you should be keeping yourself and your children as far away from as possible

hopefully this latest incident with her will result in you seeing this

I have asked and you’ve clearly not read the thread.

initially she said she’d buy more meat in a few weeks and later when asked explicitly she said if I was going to be like that, the cost of the meat would be her petrol and the cost for a baby sitter for 3 days, and that was the end of that. Shy of hiring a goon I can’t make her pay.

she text since, about being unwell but I’ve not replied so in essence that (above) was our last conversation.

so there is nothing to be done but I’m still really annoyed at the inconvenience and balls of it all