My SIL is a competitive undereater and it's wearing me down

[OptimismvsRealism]

I don't have weight issues and I don't really care what other people do but it really sucks the fun out of every family social event.

It's part and parcel of her being "the beautiful one" in her youth and now just a pretty ordinary lady in her 40s. Like ok not ugly but who cares. She needs to be the thinnest and it annoys her if other people don't care who is thinnest. She is the only person I know who cares who is the thinnest!

Anyway I know a person should have compassion for eating disorders and I would except she tries to drag me down too.

God you could be talking about my mum 🙄I get all those same flipping comments- if we go to the supermarket, her heads practically over my shoulder to see what I am buying to eat.i then get a running commentary on number of calories in those food items/ no wonder I have had an eating disorder all my life- because when I was growing up I would be told to eat every morsel on my plate & if I didn’t, she would have to parcel my food up & threatened to send to a third world country 😩

Best way to shut them up is to say "yes and if you don't stop commenting on my lunch I'll eat you too!"

"Yes I am going to eat all of this thanks...why does it matter so much to you /why do you care "
Or:
"Will you please stop commenting on what I eat , how much I eat , and how fat or thin I am as I find it very upsetting /rude , thanks ?"
Or just "Yes I am going to eat it...you can stop commenting now...tinkly laugh..."

Eat what you want and if she says anything about it just pretend you didnt hear her. End of the day she's the one that's hungry not you and that's not your problem

I can’t see how having 2 cholesterol
loaded desserts is doing you any good. I think I might be quite horrified to see someone do that myself.

Maybe you could fan yourself with a lettuce leaf or something?

Maybe try hypnotherapy for his terrible trauma?

@Loudhousefun I said underweight not ‘slim’

Probably because the OP's SIL sounds quite a horrible person.

Frankly OP, faced with that, I'd order a second helping even if I had to fast for 2 days after to make up for it.

Omg my mother is this person! And no matter how many times/ ways you tell them to stop it will continue. People like this can’t change they are deep down insecure about themselves just call her the ‘food police’ when she makes comments

Baffling how many people are absolutely determined to misread the OP or invent their own version of what she said. The OP is not overweight, is fine with how she looks, thinks the SIL looks fine, but finds the SIL's constant unprovoked comments about portions, weight and dress size irritating. Who wouldn't, regardless of their size?!

I said horrified not traumatised. A person who would choose to eat two desserts on top of a main meal in order to spite someone with a food issue is the person who needs therapy.

I wouldn’t. I get comments about my weight (I am currently fat) and I couldn’t give a sh1t. Their problem not mine.

you do not know if they are underweight or not though do you? Are you in the habit of asking everyone their weight? No, I didn’t think so

@Loudhousefun what are you actually on about, you can see at a glance if somebody is clearly underweight or overweight?

There are many factors taken into consideration when determining whether a person is underweight or overweight, height and age for example.

Yes agree it’s frustrating I have a SiL like it, but these threads always turn into endless comments of thin people being boring, always having to watch what they eat, looking haggard etc, which is simply not true for most and the point of the thread is the comments being made but it turns into the SIL will look awful when she is older type comments, very unnecessary and, as I say, a way of people making themselves feel better about being overweight.

I wouldn’t. I get comments about my weight (I am currently fat) and I couldn’t give a sh1t. Their problem not mine.

People seem to be reading 'irritated at someone banging on about the same thing all the time in an annoyingly attention-seeking way' as 'bothered and offended by someone referring to weight, as they take it as a criticism of their own weight'. It is quite possible to find someone else's obsession annoying without taking it as a personal criticism.

Nope. I was responding to someone's comment about people mentioning other people's weight....oh lord, I am losing the will to live.

Oh my god I have a sister like this, she has made her son like it and now he has married someone like it as well, who is really struggling to get pregnant because she is too thin. In addition, when in her teens, my niece went so thin her periods stopped. You know what my sister said? ‘I think she looks great’ 😳. Luckily, my niece has since realised how stupid it was and is a healthy weight now. My sister is not a horrible person, she doesn’t bully anyone about food, but she sets a vile example due to her own vanity/insecurity. We have spoken to her about it but she doesn’t see it. None of us are or have ever been overweight and love sport/fitness, but my sister has had skeletal issues due to bad nutrition. It’s so damaging

Just like her common sense failed…

"it's so awful when a girl is ugly - I feel so sorry for their mothers"

Answer: "I imagine their mothers are far more concerned to ensure that their daughters are happy and know that how a person looks really isnt the be all and end all!"

Then walk off and talk to someone else

I prefer 'How did Grandma deal with it, then?' personally.

Yup I like that one too. Both basically make a point without specific and unnecessary confrontation. 😏

I worked with a lady like this and had to go away with her on a long work trip. She spent half the time telling me now hungry she was and the following day she would say she had not eaten anything last night in her hotel room. Naturally she was starving then. She would not be getting the train to the office. She would be on a very fast walk.

Her fingers were skeletal looking. Somehow the constant discussion of her being hungry and her not having eaten was very wearing and felt pointed.