There's no such thing as an independent female

[Yoyodiet]

I'm so wound up! Earlier, DP said to me he thinks I would benefit from signing up to Andrew Tate's academy course or whatever it is (I like learning about making money online, more out of interest than actually doing it myself). I said probably, but I wouldn't want to fund him as I don't like him. He asked why and I said he's not very nice to/about women. He was aghast and we went back and forth, defending him for the most part when I was reading bits off to him from a BBC article to prove my point. I read the following -

In that same video, he described women as "intrinsically lazy" and said there was "no such thing as an independent female".

...and he was like 'yeah, no women can be independent, you need men'. I couldn't believe it! I won't bore you with the heated discussion that ensued but he genuinely believes that not just I would crumble without a man (him), but all women on the planet if men suddenly disappeared. We would apparently perish in good time because we 'cannot hunt, do electrics, fix a roof or change a tyre'. (To add insult to injury I have qualifications in electrical installation and engineering, I'm pretty sure I could also change a tyre if push came to shove).

Also, I said I think there would be less wars without men - he said there'd me more because women are bitchy?? I said I'm pretty sure men have started a lot more wars than women in history. He pointed in my face and told me women didn't even fight in wars til recently. I reminded him that men made those rules.. 😂

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

You've clearly been blind to his misogyny; this is why he's been knocking you down, down, down repetitively over the years. He's threatened by you and women in general.

Your poor daughter.

Anyone who idolizes Andrew Tate is a raging misogynist. No way round that.

Not sure your relationship is worth saving, tbh.

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him

Time to prove him wrong.

This is the first you knew of his interest in AT and your partner having misogynistic views?

That in itself is beyond mind boggling.

The question is, now you know, what are you going to do about it?

For me, I would have to leave. I really would have no love or respect for someone who feels that women are lesser, they're better than me because of their sex.

There would be no way back for me. Seriously.

I feel that you've got some hard decisions ahead, OP.

Was going to say the same thing! I didn’t read the whole post but no one is independent whether we like it or not!

One of the central ideas of the red pill/ Andrew Tate brigade is that women are solipsistic i. e. only see the world through their own life, now while I believe men and women need each other to make the world run, I have to say the number of women here saying they're independent as pay mortgage, earn own money etc support this view.

This is not about one woman (or one man) it's about women and men.

Frankly, without men we can't do anything. But we can't do much without women, either.

I wouldn’t be able to take my husband seriously if he went down one of those online rabbit holes. I think it just translates so badly to real life.

hope he grows up soon op.

I'd be putting him back in the sea OP, he's thick.

See I'd take that as a challenge. Think I'll crumble without you? Off you trot then sweetcheeks, check in on me in a few years time and e will see how much I've 'crumbled' shall we? Toodalo motherfucka!

My word I'm glad he isn't my husband.

If we can't be independent then wow was my hard working single mum doing it wrong for years and years!

Why is everyone making it about individuals and not people.
It's not about whether one woman can cope, it's can ALL women cope without men?
They can't!

But women are needed too!

I don't care if somebody had a single mother who did everything-good for her, but it's not the point.

I'm no fan of Andrew Tate's but he and his ilk are in part a justified reaction to the idea that women don't need men.

Not one man but men as a whole.

Mostly all the dangerous jobs: firefighting, armed forces etc are male dominated that's just a fact and to say men aren't needed annoys me.

Stupid crap like rather being in a words with a bear than a man you don't know. Tate and his ilk are just a backlash against such nonsense.

I would go so far as to suggest most humans are solipsistic tbh.

Hardly unique to women.

I’d be gone after that wouldn’t want kids to hear that kind of shit.

bloody hell we are worried about young teenagers getting sucked into the AT bullshit not men. If your partner is that easily led time and has changed his behaviour to you it is time to leave. He can then spend all of his time watching AT on TikTok

Just go and pack either your or his bags.
I wouldnt want to have any more conversations with such an idiot.

Hmm. I agree that more men have started wars than women. But, women have very rarely been in power. Thatcher, Meir etc had few compunctions about starting wars.

I think you need to learn more about neurobiology.

I think it is to do with fractured "theory of mind" development. At some point in infancy children should learn theory of mind which is to do with the fact that our own reality is different from everyone else's, so we can know how we think and feel while acknowledging that others will think and feel differently and not be "wrong". I think it should happen at around 3? But because of other aspects of our culture, to do with children not being nurtured as they should be to allow theory of mind to develop, or develop properly, or something, it often doesn't happen. Leading to such people being solipsistic. Or intolerant, as a less extreme version. Or narcissistic even. Nothing to do with being female anyway.

What I have said has come from neuroscience, actually.

What do you think is incorrect exactly?!

I would go as far as to suggest that AT doesn't understand solipsism, but that he is himself as he understands it - ie he is what he thinks it means - thinks that the world only exists as per his interpretation of it.

He doesn't understand that women will usually think and feel differently from him and that where that is the case, such differing thoughts and feelings are going to be valid for example.

I simply couldn't be with someone who wanted to support Andrew Tate in any way, shape or form.

Of course those job can be done by women. There are far more men them women doing them, both as a job and as DIY, but that does not mean women arent able to do them. Some of them might be a bit more difficult because they ofter are not as strong.
Also, dont forget appliances etc. are basically invented and made by men. We are living in a mens world. I have wondered what the world would look like if it was made and run by women.

@somanythingstosay

I can fix basics in a car and use enough power tools to temp fix most things. Wasn't allowed to leave home if I couldn't. Admittedly DH now does most of hose bits but that's the bits he prefers over the bits I do (which I prefer). However, I could do the basics on my own.

There are also women working in all those trades. I know several of them. So it's more of a case of paying a person to do things I can't, don't have time or don't want to do, than paying a man to do them. If the most qualified and reasonably priced is a man, I'll pay them. If it's a woman, I'll pay them.

It sounds like he was probably jealous of your achievements in the early days and has set his goals to go one better than you and now he's got there, he's feels superior and in my opinion is inflaming things deliberately to get a rise out of you.

Not sure why he feels the need to do that, but proceed with caution and maybe grey rock him

Less violent, not fewer wars. War, though violent, has nothing to do with whether the initiators are violent. Violence against the person, which is indeed 98% perpetrated by men, is not the same as violence against another polity.