There's no such thing as an independent female

[Yoyodiet]

I'm so wound up! Earlier, DP said to me he thinks I would benefit from signing up to Andrew Tate's academy course or whatever it is (I like learning about making money online, more out of interest than actually doing it myself). I said probably, but I wouldn't want to fund him as I don't like him. He asked why and I said he's not very nice to/about women. He was aghast and we went back and forth, defending him for the most part when I was reading bits off to him from a BBC article to prove my point. I read the following -

In that same video, he described women as "intrinsically lazy" and said there was "no such thing as an independent female".

...and he was like 'yeah, no women can be independent, you need men'. I couldn't believe it! I won't bore you with the heated discussion that ensued but he genuinely believes that not just I would crumble without a man (him), but all women on the planet if men suddenly disappeared. We would apparently perish in good time because we 'cannot hunt, do electrics, fix a roof or change a tyre'. (To add insult to injury I have qualifications in electrical installation and engineering, I'm pretty sure I could also change a tyre if push came to shove).

Also, I said I think there would be less wars without men - he said there'd me more because women are bitchy?? I said I'm pretty sure men have started a lot more wars than women in history. He pointed in my face and told me women didn't even fight in wars til recently. I reminded him that men made those rules.. 😂

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

This is a fundamental clash of values and I could not continue the relationship, knowing he holds these views.

I don't think I'd bother arguing about it with him, I'd just dump him. He sounds like a twat.

He’s your ex DH now right?

He is a misogynist, leave him, do not procreate with him. I'm serious. He is dangerous

He's pretty much chipped away at my confidence and self esteem since (recently realised) but I never saw it in a misogynistic light. Perhaps it has been? It makes me worried for my DC's.

A sit down chat won't sort this. You need to get out before he takes even more of your confidence, and of your daughter's.

I honestly don’t see what the point of a discussion is… You cannot change him. He has shown you loud and clear what he thinks of you.

you need to plan your exit strategy sorry to say

Depends on how literally you want to take this.

I am financially independent. I own my own house. I have savings. I earn a good salary. If I didn't have DH, I would manage to exist, but I would most certainly have to pay a man to do certain things for me, that I can't do. Things like fix my car, fix the roof, mend my boiler etc, etc. So in that sense, I would still have to employ men.

Now, if a woman could do every job a man does, then I guess I could just pay another woman to do those jobs for me. So, I think the question is : are there any jobs that men can do, that a woman cannot?

There are certainly many jobs that exist that are 99% male dominated. But is that because we have never had to think about women doing those jobs, as we don't need to? There are loads of jobs I'd hate to do, that are male dominated. Would women step up? We are generally more risk averse, I think.

I agree that if all world leaders were female, there would be A LOT less war, if any.

@midgetastic

Women aren't better at giving birth than men, that's a ridiculous example. Men physically cannot do that. We will never know if "the best man will beat the best woman" at that.

Logical thinking and factual analysis are also not a male trait. They're a human trait and people thinking it's a male thing are the reason that many young girls are put off entering STEM fields. They're told they can't, it's a boy thing. Totally wrong.

Why would you be with someone who is clearly as thick as fuck? Please, please show him this thread before dumping this pond life.

Leave him. I don't think I've ever posted that before on MN, but AT is toxic. The whole alpha bro thing is a cult of manufactured dependence on the self-nominated alphas. That the whole Tate and alpha bro thing is homoerotic as fuck is amusing to watch it from a distance, but close-up in a relationship or friendship it's just toxic.

Mate, your relationship with this man is degrading. He will always see you as less than him.

Dump the chauvinist pig.

What a dickhead. I think my vagina would shrivel up if I had to listen to such sexist bullshit.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a misogynist. In fact, one of the things I love most about my DH is that he is a feminist.

Have the chat, see how receptive he is.
Sometimes pointing out outdated tropes can actually be really helpful. I have had to have a couple of chats with my parents and grandparents in the past saying they can't use certain words / phrases anymore as it could be construed as racist / homophobic / sexist. They were appreciative of the chat but then again they are educated, kind people who don't want to cause offence as they are not racist / homophobic /sexist. Sounds like your DH is not of that ilk.

Could be a fundamental clash of values here. I would definitely post him to the various documentaries showing how AT is a prat and it's all about money and power for him.
Try to get your DH to critically think - it will be hard for him as it sounds like he hasn't had to use this skillset before.

Omg get him in the bin.

I wonder how he’d cope without you?

Pee all over the floor?
Starting wars?
Going bald?

Males are not inherently more violent though. Violence is to do with lack of self control, lack of empathy and poor problem solving skills. All these are teachable skills and lack of them is related to unresolved trauma and learned behaviour in childhood etc etc. So we have to ask ourselves the question - if men are statistically more likely to be violent, why is that? And what can be done?

We know that saying the female brain is "different" is not true, other than to do with hormone production, so by the same trope, men are not more violent, intrinsically, I am afraid.

Not sure "let women rule the world" is going to help much.

There is sone evidence that testosterone does make men more violent than women - as are women who are given testosterone- although the amount of violence is heavily affected by society and expectations

Oh Come On!!! That chinless wonder Andrew Tate thinks that any man who enjoys having sex with a woman is gay. He's a logical black hole! A slug on testosterone has more brainpower than him or any of the drooling idiots who think he's cool.

The testosterone will affect how violent men feel but I guess you could also say that there is some evidence that the hormones which cause PMT will make women feel more violent. In either case it comes down to learning to manage the feelings, along with self control/understanding effect of violence or empathy/problem solving skills/self awareness bla bla.

Prove him wrong that you can thrive without him not just survive. What an idiot

Ha ha ha! I love it, not the possibility of an independant woman. I am very much an independant woman. I own my own house, pay all my own bills, look after my own kid. My exH had been unemployed for many many years when I finally ditched him. He took 50% of the equity in the house that I paid for (I paid the deposit from the sale of my own flat that he'd never contributed to) as he was always unemployed. I either do my own DIY / mechanics etc.. or I pay people. The same with cleaning and other activities. I do it or I sub-contract it.

I would 100% dump any man who even had the slightest hint of the Andrew Tate about him. Mysoginist bastard!

Well said.

Go, get out now, I don't know how old he is but I can promise you that his repellant views will get worse as time goes by. His attitude is shocking, and the fact that he feels comfortable verbalising these appalling woman hating views to your face is very disturbing. If this is what he says, I dread to contemplate what he is thinking and the sort of conversations he has with other males when there are no women around. In passing, I wonder what he would make of women like me (and there are plenty of us!) who have raised a child alone, paid off a mortgage single handed, gone back to college while working and raising a child so that they can gain more qualifications and obtain better paid work, been responsible for all the bills and home maintenance and all without a male helping us!

"Chinless wonder" 😂and he looks as if he has drawn that pathetic beard on with a sharpie pen!