There's no such thing as an independent female

[Yoyodiet]

I'm so wound up! Earlier, DP said to me he thinks I would benefit from signing up to Andrew Tate's academy course or whatever it is (I like learning about making money online, more out of interest than actually doing it myself). I said probably, but I wouldn't want to fund him as I don't like him. He asked why and I said he's not very nice to/about women. He was aghast and we went back and forth, defending him for the most part when I was reading bits off to him from a BBC article to prove my point. I read the following -

In that same video, he described women as "intrinsically lazy" and said there was "no such thing as an independent female".

...and he was like 'yeah, no women can be independent, you need men'. I couldn't believe it! I won't bore you with the heated discussion that ensued but he genuinely believes that not just I would crumble without a man (him), but all women on the planet if men suddenly disappeared. We would apparently perish in good time because we 'cannot hunt, do electrics, fix a roof or change a tyre'. (To add insult to injury I have qualifications in electrical installation and engineering, I'm pretty sure I could also change a tyre if push came to shove).

Also, I said I think there would be less wars without men - he said there'd me more because women are bitchy?? I said I'm pretty sure men have started a lot more wars than women in history. He pointed in my face and told me women didn't even fight in wars til recently. I reminded him that men made those rules.. 😂

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

I watched one short film of AT's, and burst out laughing. All I could see was wee twerp with sticky out ears talking like a boastful toddler.

'I'm the bestest, and I'm bigger'n you, too'.

Absolutely mystifying what anyone sees in him.

OP, I'm really sorry. I think it might be worth having a good long think about your relationshp before deciding how you're going to proceed.

Are there other indications of your partner being controlling, or coercive?

OP your husband hates women.

Jeez!!! How do I even exist? I look after my children, my home and my vehicles completely without male involvement 😵‍💫 I think i must be a man..

I mean, his comments are just textbook, old fashioned sexism.

How old is he? It sounds like something a 60+ man would say

It's concerning from a man's point of view that all we are good for is hunting, doing electrics, fixing a roof or changing a tyre because society is only about a decade away from having AI that can readily sort those things out

Sorry but nobody can make anyone feel anything about themselves unless the insecurity is there to begin with. If he said I hate your purple hair (assuming you don’t have purple hair) would you be upset or just laugh/think it’s odd. I honestly never get wound up by this stuff.

excuse me?
none, and I mean none, of the 60+ men I know would think or say this

we invented punk you know

I know - my heart really sank when I read that comment. Hell, even my late dad who was born in 1929 wouldn't have thought or said this.
(My heart sinks a lot on here lately.)

Wow, do let us know how you get on. I think you may need some support afterwards. 💐

This is her partner displaying his attitude to women. Yes she should be bothered that she's raising children with a man who thinks this way. It's not only about him insulting her individually (but why would you want to be with someone who wants to belittle your achievements this way?) but also about how he views women - and therefore his own daughter.

There is no way I'd be living with a man with any interest in Andrew Tate.

Surely you knew what he was like before the discussion about Tate?

Why have you stayed with him until now?

Only desperately insecure men are susceptible to AT's worldview.

They can't stand the fact that we are in a moment in time where women don't actually need^^ men to function in the world. We are in a society where women don't have to marry any old man to have security and autonomy.

So we can be choosy. Men have to be attractive (I don't mean physically, just that they have to bring something positive to a relationship).

Unattractive men like to rail against it and want to put women back into their box so they don't have to do anything to be a more attractive prospect.

Secure, competent, adult men don't need to worry about women's equality. Only the incels do.

This is why anyone listening to AT and the like are a massive red flag.

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

YANBU to be in bed stewing about it.

The only way is to kick him firmly into touch and show him just how well you can manage without him.

Tell your H there are plenty of independent women in the world. I'm one, been a single parent for 13 yrs since DD was 3 and single relationship wise by choice. I earn my money, keep a roof over our heads etc etc.
Sometimes I have to buy in help for various things and tend to look for a women first, but will hire a man if I have to.
Because that's my independent choice.

I'm planning a sit down chat tonight about this and other things
@Yoyodiet
Don't bother, why cast your pearls before swine??
He's as dumb as a rock and he wants to dominate and control you.
Just quietly get rid then go on and live your life.

your husband is a misogynist along with Andrew Tate.
From reading many of the threads on here you would think it's more likely to be men who cannot surive independently, if you took mumsnet forums as a case study men seem to graduate from their mothers wiping their arses to their wives.

Granted not all men by any stretch, I dont think surviving independently is a gendered thing, it's circumstantial.

YABVU.... to have shared a bed with him last night...
He would have been out the door of my house... possibly through it!
Get rid... or watch your kids.. particularly your son be indoctrinated with this shit...

I mean, it totally depends on what he meant.

If he means that women couldn't flourish on the planet forever without men then he'd be right. Not that men could do either as we need female eggs and male sperm to further the human race.

If he means that if you were on your own and you had to ring an electrician who happened to be a man then he is also right.

If he means because without him you would be a blubbering mess on the floor and couldn't manage to put a shelf up then maybe you need to show him that he's wrong. I know many women who are single and coping absolutely fine. I think you know he's a knobhead and now the blinkers are slipping off.

It’s nothing to do with “feeling insecure”.

Its

a) factually wrong. There are millions of women who operate completely independently of men (dozens of them are on this thread
b) misogynistic. He’s not telling her this for shits and giggles; he’s doing it to make her feel inferior. If you don’t think this matters, on you crack. I am fucked if I am going to be told by someone who is supposedly my closest friend and greatest champion that they are better than me
c) It’s highly damaging to children of both sexes to grow up believing that women can’t look after themselves without men

@Opinionwontchangeluv

how so?

It's obviously the case that men and women need each other. But Andrew Tate is a nasty piece of work and I wouldn't take any advice from him.

@RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue

even if she does have children with him she should tell him to do one

There's fairly widespread discussion online about the Tate brothers having Aspergers. In the past someone like AT would have just been a slightly odd young man who might have settled down with a nice young woman in a small community where his quirks were tolerated, especially if he was skilled at a trade.

Nowadays these individuals have enormous reach thanks to social media and a complete lack of self-awareness or reflection. Their views spread amongst other young men like them with the same issues.

I don’t think he’s ASD I think he’s a psychopath.

Utter crap.