Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Who the hell are the 2% who have voted YABU?! 😯

Can you not have someone with you when you tell him?
Do not be afraid of asking him to leave, he sounds like a spineless twat.

Your poor ds... I hope you give him the option of not seeing his df when you ltb....

I’m making a list of all the vile things he’s said to me over the years, all the name calling, the threats, everything. So I can read that list if ever I am in any doubt.

He is nasty to his absolute core.

Your poor poor boys should not have to live with this cruelty.

Your children deserve better OP.

Wow! He sounds like a spoilt brat!!! What an awful way to treat your child. Either you need to read him the riot act or divorce. His behaviour is beyond awful. You need to stand up to him for the sake of your son- things like that he will remember forever, his father is ruining his relationship with his son.

What a totally shit father. He should be ashamed of himself.

I found it really hard to read your post and updates OP, it made me literally feel nauseous for how awful and desperate you must have felt, and how sad and unloved your kids must have felt. Please leave him. Just start making enquiries at least. You have to do this as soon as you can, your children are developing their sense of self and worth every day, and their father will absolutely destroy it at this rate, just like he’s destroying yours.

Just to add about the council house- I’d highly recommend ringing the council and ask where you stand if he left the house. However I highly doubt they would make you move especially with children.

I put up with an awful lot from my ex-husband, but his ignorant, selfish behaviour towards our innocent child was the trigger to leave. It wasn't easy, but I am so glad that I did. They just don't deserve badly behaved adults ruining their childhood and their future.

Here's a ducks-in-a-row checklist that might also help focus your mind.

Dig out your marriage certificate – you'll need it to apply for a divorce.
Get the kids' paperwork together – birth certs, passports etc.
All account info. Joint and sole bank accounts. Savings, ISAs etc.
Get info on his wages, wage slips, and his pension info.

Once you've got all that gathered, you can get a free hour's consultation with a divorce lawyer who can advise you on next steps.

Honestly, I've never wanted a MNetter to LTB so much. But when I think about how lovely and sweet my DP was this morning with our DC's card and silly presents – tube of Pringles and bar of chocolate! – and then think about how heartsick your boys must've felt by their dad's rejection, it makes me want to drive to where you are and sling him out myself!

It's people who are horrified that the op hasn't already divorced this man to protect her sons.

Really tough situation OP 😞
Is there a member of the family or anyone who can have the kids for the night when you break the news so that they are out of the situation when the news hits. For everyone’s sake?

Agree with this. Do it face to face when the kids aren't there and can't be dragged into it by him. And have someone nearby – i.e. sitting outside in their car – who can step in if he turns nasty.

There isn’t unfortunately. Our DS2 is disabled with complex needs which makes leaving more complicated but not impossible. He has nighttime needs and as shit as DH is, he does take over overnight so I can sleep.

You are describing my ex husband. He ruined so many family events and weekends behaving just as your husband has done today. So many Mothers’ days in tears, Christmas always a right off, birthdays awful, fathers’ days spent on his own - a day for dad apparently.

Leave. Everyone will be happier I promise.

In that case, can you arrange for someone to watch your sons for a little while and go somewhere neutral with your STBXH to tell him?

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

you convinced your child to come back down and placate a grown adult who was having a tantrum, forcing your son to ignore his own feelings and emotions in favour of his father's.

What are you teaching him?

Beaf me to it. Cunt.

It is absolutely horrifying that your son's are living in that environment. This cannot continue.

Jesus Christ op! How have you let this go on for so long?! The damage to your boys, it’s been happening already, every day that goes by is making it worse! They’re learning relationship skills, how to treat women, fostering low confidence and self esteem… you simply can’t let this go on another day! ANYWHERE would be better than there. You can do it! You need to do it.

Your children will remember all these things. You need to get them and you away from him asap.

Harsh

kicking someone when they are already down

He is emotionally abusing your children. Why are you allowing this? Youre their mum and need to protect him. Kick him out, literally pack his shit when he’s in work and chain the door closed. If he kicks off can the police. You’ll get UC to top up your money. You may be entitled to some PIP for your son if he’s disabled?