Horrible Fathers Day with DH

[WineGumm]

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

Sure you do; you open your mouth and tell him it’s over you want a divorce. Then you see a solicitor and get the ball rolling.

Your poor poor boys. Their father is definitely going to give them life long issues.

Your husband is emotionally abusing his sons. He's being horrible to you but I'm assuming, as an adult and a wife, you can somewhat excuse away his behaviour (as you've stayed) but your poor sons. They didn't ask for him as a dad, and they won't know he's being like that because he's a dickhead. They'll think they aren't good enough ☹️

Please leave him. Your sons deserve so much more. A home that is peaceful, where they're appreciated. I wish I could give them a hug, they don't deserve to be treated like that ☹️

I know everyone on mumsnet easily says LTB, to the extent it has become a joke.

But honestly this is so painfully sad.

Until I stumbled on mumsnet I didn't even know that people did presents for father's day.

Literally the whole point is for children to make a card for their parents, give them a hug and that's all.

For him to not even open the cards is just so sad.

It shows he doesn't care about his children.

You know he doesn't care about you

So he adds nothing positive to your life. You don't deserve to have such a horrible person in your life

I've been on Mumsnet for over fifteen years now and that was one of the saddest posts I've ever read.

This is no,way for you or your boys to live.

It's honestly one of the worst things I have read on here and my first LTB. What an ungrateful and mean father and husband.

I suggest taking the emotion out of it temporarily and focusing on the practicalities. Can you stay in the house if you kick him out? Whose name is it in? Can you survive on your salary or do you need to apply for benefits – if so, what would you be entitled to? There are online calculators that can work it out for you. Don't think about him and his reaction, think about what you need to do to remove you and your sons out of this toxic situation.

Is there anyone IRL you can confide in?

Part of me was tempted to try (for a 3rd time!) to get DS to give DH his cards but why should I put him through that again?!

Don't @WineGumm - it is not for you to take the emotional burden once again. He's shown his true colours, he doesn't care about the feelings of his children. Or of you.

Great advice by @Bookmark1111

You ask how to leave.

You don't need to make it confrontational or even a specific reason.

Sit him down and say " we are both not happy. I clearly don't make you happy. You don't make me happy. Therefore we need to divorce. This is the best thing for you, the children and me.

Now let's discuss logistics.

That’s so sad for your DC.

What a prize prick!! You deserve a better, loving, kind partner. They deserve a whole world of better from their father!!

Please leave. They shouldn’t have to endure, nor think this is how a relationship should be.

How he treated you and your sons is not OK. Is there anyone you can talk this through with and get support with the next steps, a friend, sibling or parent maybe?

My STBEH would come to the house and ignore the kids as he didn't want to be around me. Twat.

Don't say a word. Get legal advice. Get as much in process as you can. Copies of money etc. Then file. He'll get an email telling him. But just before ask him for space to get him out of the house.

So fuck if he plays the victim. Your children are the actual victims in this shit show of a relationship. Please do not let this fall off the radar, you have to really think what message does this send to your sons.

Why would you think it?! Your son doesn't want to.

Don't do that! Tell your DS you're putting the cards in a safe place for next year then do exactly that. If your DH asks for them, give them to him without a word then leave the room. Tell your DS that none of today is his fault and you're sorry that his dad reacted the way he did. Tell your DS that you love him.

That's all you need to do tonight.

Sounds so much like my ex, same exactly. If it helps my kids are a lot happier now we are split, only been 6 months and 4.5 since me and the kids moved out. My 5 year old said today that our new home has less shouting and more laughing. It's hard to get out, but once you make that choice and get over the initial hump you won't regret it. My ex is still an arse, but I don't have to put up with him everyday so life is so much better!

Echoing others op, I’m not one for chucking around LTB as I think life is complicated and it’s easily said, but not easily done, or the right thing to do.

But I think you know you have to go - is this possible for you? Do you have enough money, somewhere to stay? Or you could ask him to leave?

follow your gut, don’t stay in a soulless relationship with someone who treats you or the children like this. You all deserve more.

What an utter dick head. It's bad enough to treat you that way but to treat his own children with such disdain is appalling I cannot imagine my husband behaving like that, I am shocked.

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

It won't be Fathers Day tomorrow

I haven’t confided in anyone IRL yet. I wonder if anyone has any idea what he is like. He has a job of high standing and people would be shocked I think to learn what he is really like.

We have a council house (housing association) I don’t know what would happen as it’s in both of our names.

DH earns a decent wage, in part time on a low salary.

This is so utterly heart breaking you are putting your children through this.

Why aren't you protecting them by giving them a safe place to live? That means asking your husband to leave.

He will cripple their confidence and if I were them I would feel very resentful of you that you didn't protect them from having to live with him.

don;t bother asking him - just instruct a solicitor

Don't ask your DS to attempt to try giving the card again to him. This is awful. You know what steps you have to take, you said it yourself.

You and the kids will be so much happier when you've divorced him.
What a horrible excuse of a man.