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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Horrible Fathers Day with DH

497 replies

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 21:01

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

OP posts:
Upallnight2 · 16/06/2024 22:03

Wow what a prick! How awful for your boys, that would break my heart as a mother 😔

pawprintseverywhere · 16/06/2024 22:06

Absolute wanker. Get rid. Remove those 2 boys from such a uncaring selfish arsehole.

My heart hurts for them

Variolia · 16/06/2024 22:07

I find this really sad to read OP.

You obviously want to leave (rightfully so) but I guess you’re scared of the barriers to it.

Less sleep would be worth it to be rid of that, and have happier kids, but what else is stopping you?

Penfeatherington · 16/06/2024 22:08

Shootingstars999 · 16/06/2024 21:55

Harsh

kicking someone when they are already down

You thought that was harsh? Ok then.

My initial thoughts were that the op is also perpetuating the abuse by forcing her son to placate the abuser. She's got a choice in this situation, her son hasn't.

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:09

Variolia · 16/06/2024 22:07

I find this really sad to read OP.

You obviously want to leave (rightfully so) but I guess you’re scared of the barriers to it.

Less sleep would be worth it to be rid of that, and have happier kids, but what else is stopping you?

I’m scared of how he is going to react 😔

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2024 22:10

Your poor kids. Your H sounds absolutely dreadful.

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:10

He has no friends (IRL) and he doesn’t speak to any of his family. I don’t know where he would go but I guess that is not my problem.

OP posts:
Chichix · 16/06/2024 22:11

Please leave before your boys learn this is how you treat others. I know it's so hard. You all deserve better. I'm sorry today was so shit, you're amazing for keeping so calm. Please go and be happy

user1984778379202 · 16/06/2024 22:11

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:09

I’m scared of how he is going to react 😔

Has he been violent towards you before? Is he violent towards his children?

If so, can you ask your dad or another male family member to be there when you tell him?

I know it's hard, but please don't stop your fear of what might happen stop you from doing what needs to happen.

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:12

He’s like two different people. When he’s nice he is a completely different person to his cruel side.

OP posts:
user1984778379202 · 16/06/2024 22:13

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:12

He’s like two different people. When he’s nice he is a completely different person to his cruel side.

Trust me when I say, from my own experience, that your sons won't remember the nice side growing up. They will remember the cruelty and the abusive sulking and their mum being treated like shit.

Mrs1904 · 16/06/2024 22:15

He sounds like a complete and utter 🔔🔚. Leave him now before your children grow up thinking that it's ok to be treated/treat people like that. Disgusting way to behave towards both you and your kids.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 16/06/2024 22:17

Leave - for your childrens sake. Dont let them down by staying, if you can't leave for yourself, leave for your children.

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:19

Honestly if I could get him to leave tonight I would.

OP posts:
spicysamosahotcupoftea · 16/06/2024 22:19

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 21:26

DH has now finally decided that he wants to actually open the cards and is calling DS downstairs

What happened ?

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:20

I can’t stop thinking about all the vile things he’s said to me over the years. He once threatened to urinate on my clothes during an argument. He’s a psycho

OP posts:
Welldarn · 16/06/2024 22:21

Smithhy · 16/06/2024 21:07

It sounds like your poor relationship is impacting your children’s welfare.

No, it sounds like her DH’s poor behaviour is impacting their children’s welfare.

user1984778379202 · 16/06/2024 22:21

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:20

I can’t stop thinking about all the vile things he’s said to me over the years. He once threatened to urinate on my clothes during an argument. He’s a psycho

Jesus wept.

Please, please leave him.

Starseeking · 16/06/2024 22:21

This man sounds absolutely awful. I'd forget the fact it's Father's Day and start making your exit plan. What a nasty way for him to treat his DC; I couldn't forgive that.

Doubledded123 · 16/06/2024 22:25

Stop this now. My children had a lovely day because I divorced their vile abusive dad 5 years ago to avoid this kind of scenario. Take them away to your mums - you'd friend- anyone- and tell him it's over. Stop dithering.
This is one of the worst posts I've ever read

BookArt · 16/06/2024 22:26

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:20

I can’t stop thinking about all the vile things he’s said to me over the years. He once threatened to urinate on my clothes during an argument. He’s a psycho

What I found is once something clicked in me and I realised I was done, loads of things kept popping into my head of things that he had said or done that are completely unacceptable that I put up with. It's like the cloud has lifted and you can see clearly. Write them down, when you have a weak moment it will help you to be resolute in your decision.

LightSpeeds · 16/06/2024 22:26

Do your kids and yourself a massive favour and leave (or, more to the point, make HIM leave).

He's a first class arsehole.

Marine30 · 16/06/2024 22:27

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:20

I can’t stop thinking about all the vile things he’s said to me over the years. He once threatened to urinate on my clothes during an argument. He’s a psycho

Frigging hell OP - it really sounds like you need to make someone aware of your intentions and get your kids out the way for a bit somehow so you can get out more permanently/kick him out.
This is frightening behaviour. He cannot come back from this ever.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 16/06/2024 22:28

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 22:20

I can’t stop thinking about all the vile things he’s said to me over the years. He once threatened to urinate on my clothes during an argument. He’s a psycho

Jesus Christ.

His reaction is going to be his reaction. It isn't your problem how he takes it.

But be sure to tell him without your kids in the house.

Do not stay with him just because he plays Dad well overnight and lets you sleep.

Your kids deserve better. So do you.

After today, I wouldn't be looking back.

whoactuallyreallycares · 16/06/2024 22:29

Get out of there, he sounds awful!